Christmas lunch

[Dededum]

DB, new wife and stepdaughter are coming to Christmas lunch with us and our parents. Lovely, happy to do so. They live an hour away.

Sent email asking them to get here for 12, with lunch at 3 so can do pressies, have a walk.

DB responds very nicely, bit too early, can we arrive at 2.
Bit of history Db is ALWAYS LATE. Once arrived 2 hours late for lunch for no real reason.

Don't really care but think annoying shit, make a bloody effort. What do you think?

Not really much you can do - he will arrive when he arrives! I wouldn't start putting on potatoes etc until he is there and just have lunch when you are all ready - it might be 5 pm but it's Christmas so what else is there to do? You can go for a walk before they arrive.
It is quite a tall ask to get a family with kids up, presents opened, breakfasted etc and out the door by 11 am on Christmas Day.
Just go with the flow.

I know but if he we had been invited we would be there on time and I've got 2 boys the same age. His DSD is perfectly capable, he is the one who never gets himself organised AND he is never on time for anything ever.

Honestly - some people are just like that. We have a friend who is always late when visiting and sometimes fails to turn up at all. We have learned just to laugh and accept it. Again i say - go with the flow. You are not going to change him now and you are getting stressed over what should be a relaxing day. Factor in having your Christmas lunch later than planned, open the wine and chill.

Out of the house by 11 is quite a rush , but arriving at 2pm is a bit rude when you are doing all the preparation. Never,ind, he'll just miss all the champagne and nibbles won't he!

Thanks I know, go with the flow.. But it is so annoying to be in a family where I can't behave like that and DB has made an art form out of it. We were once 10 minutes late for Christmas lunch and my mums face .

Won't send my disappointed email now, well crafted as it was.

And we were the second choice Christmas, they were going to go away but didn't organise it in time. Which is fine, left the invite. Spent all of yesterday rearranging the house to fit in more people... And they will deign to join us and even the reference to time was vague.. about 2

Thanks for letting me rant

Can you appeal to the new wife to make sure they arrive on time? Maybe she's a better timekeeper?

Message back "OK, pity they'll be no time for the kids to play and open gifts first, but dinner will be on the table by 3 at the latest." then if he's late, serve anyway. Don't wait on him - if he's not arriving until an hour before hand you're going to have to just get on with cooking assuming he'll be on time.

I suspect the email with the 2 o'clock reference is her influence so hopefully will arrive at designated time.

I had an email like that but pared it back. Most important for new wife and DSD to feel welcome.

BTW - habitually late people don't realise it's a problem, because everything is always fitted round them. They arrive late, but it's ok because they still arrive in time for the meal (that the host has been keeping warm/panicking about), they arrive late for meeting someone, but that's ok because they didn't miss them (because the person they were meeting stood in the cold for hours).

Do'nt fit around him. Have your day the way you planned, don't delay opening gifts until they arrive (obviously the ones from them need to be exchanged, but the others can be opened), if you planned to go for awalk, do it, he has your mobile number, he can call if you're not in when they arrive. Serve food when you planned too.

Good advice dontmindifido

Lets just hope my boys don't end up so darn rude!

YABU if the original agreed plan was to join you for lunch. My DP has a reputation for tardiness so people deliberately tell us to be places earlier than necessary. It gets on my wick as I am perfectly capable of getting us to an engagement in good time. If we were kindly invited to my ILs for lunch but were told to be there for 12 for a meal 3 hours later I'd probably push to let them know it would suit us better to get there later than that please if that was ok. Particularly if I had a DD with whom I wanted to enjoy Christmas morning and not have to rush around trying to get us all ready and out the door by 11am.

While its kind of you to offer to host them, you're assuming they want to spend a substantial chunk of their Christmas Day relaxing and enjoying it YOUR way.

True VivPru, but they didn't have to accept the invite did they. Was surprised they did, if you accept an invite then you have to make some compromises don't you?

I agree with dontmindifido you've told him what time you want to eat so why should you wait.
There's no reason I can think why he can't get there earlier..my family come about 10am, only because can smell the bacon cooking!
Merry Christmas

I just think that cosidering the possible viewpoint of your SIL (who, as you suspect is probably the one driving this) will help you manage the situation to a satisfactory outcome for everyone, rather than getting irked (understandably so) by your brother.