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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not get DH a Christmas present

27 replies

McChristmasPants2012 · 23/12/2012 23:40

He is very hard to buy for and and everything I suggest he doesn't want. I know from past experience that he will take back things and give me back the money.

I just feel guilty that he will have nothing to open on Christmas morning.

OP posts:
LucieMay · 23/12/2012 23:41

Have you tried asking him for hints and clues?

Original poster
McChristmasPants2012 · 23/12/2012 23:44

I have asked him direct and he has said he don't want anything

OP posts:
HollyBerryBush · 23/12/2012 23:45

Dont buy him anything then. bit late now anyway.

FestiveElement · 23/12/2012 23:46

My DH is hard to buy for too but would probably feel a bit gutted to not have anything to open. Your DH may be more practical and less like a child at Christmas than mine is though.

YABU to not get him something to open.

Fairyegg · 23/12/2012 23:47

How about a ticket to a comedy night or a gig / festival / show or football natch or a dirty weekend away in a nice hotel, or even a cinema ticket?

cassell · 23/12/2012 23:49

Yanbu my dh always says he doesn't want anything and sometimes I've taken him at his word and not got him anything and he's always been fine with it.

If you do want him to have something to unwrap then a box of his favourite chocs/bottle of favourite drink is easy even if not imaginative/much.

TheHoneyDragonsDrunkInTheIvy · 23/12/2012 23:50

My dh is a PITA to and now accepts that he will always get

Red wine
A polo Shirt
Squash Shoes
Whatever Tools he asks for if any are broken.

He gets A LOT of wine from family Grin

This year the dc's bought him a little travel alarm clock and a polo shirt, and I bought him a replacement leather portfolio folder for work as his looks tatty.

Frankly, it's embarrassing - but he'll be pleased

StuntGirl · 23/12/2012 23:51

If he has previously returned his presents and specifically told you he doesn't want one then don't get one.

You're obviously the kind of person who likes to give gifts so it will feel dificult to do but seriously, just take him at his word. He'll either be happy about it, or suddenly realise actually he does like getting presents after all and in future will be more helpful when you ask. Win/win either way.

Original poster
McChristmasPants2012 · 23/12/2012 23:55

I hate the feeling he will not have anything to open.

I am liking the suggestions.

OP posts:
StuntGirl · 24/12/2012 00:44

But you're looking at it from your perspective because you'd hate to not have anything to open (I'm the same btw, so I can see where you're coming from). But if he's genuinely insistent he doesn't want a present why stress yourself out trying to get him one? Take him at his word and have a relaxing Christmas Eve!

AgentZigzagHasABigYuleLog · 24/12/2012 00:47

Are you saying he's returned things you've bought him in the past and given you the money back? Shock

If that's the case, he'd never get a fucking bean from me again!

WTF??

AgentZigzagHasABigYuleLog · 24/12/2012 00:48

It's the fact that he didn't even get anything that he did like for himself!

Just gave you the cash back!?

How did that situation play out? What did you say?

Original poster
McChristmasPants2012 · 24/12/2012 00:50

It know it is shocking, but I am going to listen to stuntgirl.

Yes he has returned gifts, as he has said he wouldn't use it so its a waste of money so put it on a bill.

OP posts:
piprabbit · 24/12/2012 00:54

My DH is hard to buy for - he gets lots of drinks and nibbles I raid Waitrose and M&S so bottles of locally brewed speciality beers, wine, nuts, nougat, extra nice cheesey biscuits etc. etc.

Everything gets wrapped up individually so there are lots of packets to open and I know he will enjoy working his way through all the snacky stuff. Plus it would look really churlish to return a packet of Nobby's Nuts.

AgentZigzagHasABigYuleLog · 24/12/2012 00:54

I was hoping I'd misunderstood.

That's terrible McH.

You've gone to the trouble of choosing something you think he'd like, only for him to fuck you off in such an off hand way?

That he'd rather pay the bills than (even pretend to) value something you'd given to him just because it'd come from the person he loves?

I've never heard the like!

christmaswhine · 24/12/2012 01:05

Mine is super hard to buy for... he often says he has everything he needs, doesn't 'want' anything and anything he did happen to want he'd just have bought himself. He is fussy about clothes , doesn't read or do gadgets and doesn't drink much alcohol.

I have managed to cobble together the following..

Bars of quality dark chocolate
A shower radio < he said he wouldn't mind having one a few months back and i remembered this >
Some expensive shaving foam
And my main < and riskiest > present... vouchers to spend on a day long cookery course. He showed me the website twice a few months back and expressed an interest, saying he quite fancied learning to cook properly.... I have no idea if this actually means he really really wanted to... and the voucher were expensive...so we shall see!

If he doesnt like this lot of presents then i truly wont bother in future.

AngelPup · 24/12/2012 08:24

I feel for you McChristmasPants. Giving is important to me too. Thankfully, my husband has a hobby so that makes him easier to buy for. I like Piprabbit's idea of extra nice snacks from Waitrose and M&S...the sort of things that you don't put in your weekly trolley because they are luxury items....nice cheese, biscuits, chutney...that sort of thing. No man can possibly refuse food can they? Easy to buy as well so not too great a headache.

Christmaswhine...your Christmas presents for your DH sound brilliant. Spot on! If he doesn't love those then he is mad.

RainbowRabbit33 · 24/12/2012 09:22

Oh, McPants, I think I may be your husband!

My husband has the same problem with me. I really, really struggle to find things to ask for. Every year he tries and tries, I open it and try not to look ambivalent. I'm not a natural poker player, so this inevitably fails. He looks disappointed and I feel guilty.

I obviously don't know your husband, but I would love the nuts and chocolates and interesting bits from posh supermarkets that we would never usually pick up. I guess I also wanted to say that (at least for us), the fact that I'm not bothered about his, or any other, presents doesn't mean that I love him any the less. I love him all the more for never giving up on his pita wife!

Especially as that's not the only thing I'm a pita over! Xmas Smile

Beaverfeaver · 24/12/2012 09:29

Mine is the same.

Yesterday he still had nothing he wanted .

So I ordered an iPad from John Lewis which I pick up today,

It means he has something to unwrap and then he can return it if he wishes. No biggy

Allergictoironing · 24/12/2012 09:40

My father was the same, always stating that if there was anything he wanted he'd get it for himself.

We'd get him things like very high quality dark chocolate, expensive brandy or whiskey, a new double deck of playing cards as he played a lot of double pack patience.

FredFredGeorge · 24/12/2012 10:21

FFS if someone says "don't get me anything" DO NOT GET THEM ANYTHING! Don't waste money on them, and don't steal their time by making them return something and now stuck with money and obligation to spend it on something else that they didn't want.

If you don't want presents, you don't want something to open, it's uncomfortable to give thanks for something you didn't want. Even gifts like food is not ideal, as whilst it can't be wasted it's still often a waste of money or not quite the food you'd really like.

Fulfill your need to give presents on those people who'll appreciate it, not the people who won't, particularly if they're your loved ones - how much would you like your loved ones saying "NO, I'm not going to listen to you, I know what's best."

DorsetKnobwithJingleBellsOn · 24/12/2012 10:23

we don't get each other presents, don't see the point really if we really wants something we get it in the year.

betterwhenthesunshines · 24/12/2012 10:34

We have agreed not to get each other any surprises. I have got DH an electronic tooth flosser Xmas Confused (I know but it truly is what he asked for!) , a tie and some new PJs. Very very dull but he would be quite happy with a bag of jumbo salted peanuts. The only thing I have asked for is a scented candle. I'm quite happy not to have anything to unwrap as long as I can go shopping in the sales as we need some new stuff for the house that I don't trust him to choose

MichelleHud · 24/12/2012 11:40

i have a similar problem in that dh has most of things he needs, and if he wants anything special he is inclined to buy it himself during the course of the year. however, i do get some small gift and wrap it for me, i feel the thought counts even though logically it might be a waste? also in know the item(s) my husband would like most for the holidays is something i can't buy him in a shop; so when he comes back after walking the dogs on Christmas morning i'll look after that too Xmas Blush

EuphemiaInExcelsis · 24/12/2012 12:32

DH buys his own stuff and passes it to me to sling in an Asda gift bag wrap. He's impossible to buy for - eclectic tastes, hates anything "different" and doesn't disguise his contempt for stuff from his mum presents he doesn't like!

I throw in a few extras, but play very safe - chocolates, alcoholic ginger beer, stuff I know he likes.

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