To be upset by insensitive/thoughtless h?

[Whosaysitstheseasontobejolly]

I have bought every gift this year, for family (both sides h and mine), and friends (both sides).

I have bought the kids gifts, his gifts and even my gifts from Santa.

I said to my h 2 weeks ago, all you have to do is buy me a surprise gift up to £20.

Tonight he said to me where's your present? And I said you are joking? What did I ask you? And he said oh I thought you were being tongue in cheek about "surprise" thought you'd just buy it.

I said no I wasn't one thing you can do is buy me a present.

Well what do you want then, what am I to go and buy.

I said you're not getting this "surprise" part are you I said you are meant to think ooh I know what my wife likes, let me get her a lovely gift.

So he's gone off to bed muttering about that he'll have to "waste his lunchhour looking for a gift now".

AIBU to be upset by his lack of caring about me?

Are you sure hes not joking and has actually got something? hes a sod if not.

oh.my.god. i would go fucking radio rental if DP did this, seriously, absolutely chicken oriental! You would be able to see the mushroom cloud from space.

I am one of those people who need gestures rather than words and i see xmas as an opportunity to show people, with thoughtful gifts and tokens how much they are appreciated.

Making someone you love know they are cherished is NEVER a waste !

I would not do dinner, i would lock myself upstairs until amends were made.

My DH always gets me a present, but I do have to tell him what I want. And the year I wanted a new handbag I did have to go out, buy it myself and give it to him to wrap. (I didn't mind, because handbags are so completely alien to a bloke's world...)

But most of the time I just tell him 'earrings' and since he has great taste, everyone's happy.

I cannot believe the number of useless, careless, selfish partners I'm reading about on mn!

Not buy your wife a Christmas present? When did that become acceptable. I think it's disgraceful and disrespectful. What tossers these people are.

They are not incapable, they just can't be arsed. I thank my lucky stars I haven't ended up with such a pathetic excuse of a man.

Sorry, OP but yours is one of several I've read recently and it just beggars belief!

But you bought your own gifts from 'Santa'... why do you do that, OP? I think that might be part of the problem here. Likewise the £20 restriction... it's actually quite difficult to find something spectacular for that amount and it sounds as if you don't trust your husband to buy for you anyway, hence buying your own gifts.

I think you will need to have a proper chat with him when Christmas is over so that he knows what your expectations are because he doesn't seem to grasp what you've said. Christmas time is the wrong time IMO, too many adults having tantrums and analysing relationships over non-gifts or the wrong gifts. Speak to him about this.

You know what, all this "ooh but the presents might be wrong" stuff? I bet, despite my best intentions, at least one of the presents I've lovingly picked out for my boyfriend/brother/parents/friends will be "wrong" in that it won't be quite right, or the wrong size, or not quite to their taste, or whatever. But they'll politely thank me for the present, they'll appreciate the thought, and I'll never be any the wiser. If its spectacularly wrong they'll politely let me know and steer me in the right direction next time. It's the adult way of dealing with it. It's no big deal. It's no excuse.

YANBU he is a selfish sod. What I don't understand is why so many women do all the present buying even for the husband's side of the family. Me and my partner are not married but I buy gifts for his family and I would not put my partners name on them. I have spent the time and money buying things for them. He can spend his own time and money getting pressies for his family

Fairenuff I agree entirely with your post. Why some women put up with selfish arse holes is beyond me

FGS it's not hard, smelly, sparkly or chocolate, done

next year id be asking him to buy all his own people presents and buy half the childrens presents. help him if he maintains hes crap at buying presents but why on earth do you let him get away with doing none of it?!

What fairenuff said and Spuddy

I have read loads of these posts this morning

The contempt is do hurtful

Wives not worth spending half an hour choosing a gift

Jesus

That's like, the worst insult ever. You work your ass off buying for others and your "darling" h gives you nothing? On Xmas? When you asked him too?
Is that what how thinks of you - a servant worth no gifts?

Grrr this makes me so mad on yours and others behalf. I've worked my ass off this xmas but at least I got lovely presents and help with food etc in return.
And I will not buy presents for others to give, wtf.