to not give the presents I have bought from exH as well?

[BrusselSproutsFartyPants]

ExH has hardly seen the DC since August. Last week he started having them over night again once a week and DD3 during the day every other week.

He is having to move and as he doesn't know them very well anymore, his words, he wants to give me half the money I have spent on presents and say they are from both of us. I don't want to do this.

I don't really know why but it just doesn't feel right. The DDs know that he has had other girlfriends since we split 2.5 years ago so I don't think they would take that as a sign we are getting back together.

I think part of it is that I took the time to think about presents that the DDs would like and then went out, or stayed in on internet, and bought them but her has not made any effort at all.

He wasn't happy when I said no and is going to sort something else out but I feel bad now, he has a way or making me feel guilty or stressed!

I think I have added all details as I don't want to drip feed. Thank you for reading.

It would be nice for them to all go shopping together. It will be great fun for them and he will get to see a better idea of what they like and what they're into. He might even have fun playing with the display models I definitely never do this

It's win win. Him asking you to say the gifts are from him is probably his last minute guilt talking - but the eldest at least isn't stupid, she'll know that you bought them and he didn't bother.

Not that the younger two are stupid just young enough not to realise IYSWIM! Sorry!

peace that is really shitty

He has never offered to give me money and then backed out but he has refused to see them at short notice. He has even come over to the car and walked off without speaking to them.

They love him and ask after him when they are not in touch so I would never stop him seeing them but there have been times I have wished I had chosen someone else to have children with.

Thats going off on a tengent now.

Thank you all for your lovely replies.

Bertie I know what you mean. DD2 still believes in Father Christmas and DD3 still doesn't really get it, though she does seem to think Father Christmas will eat her for some reason

He has also now decided he wants to see them on Christmas day so that will need slotting in between having lunch with my DM, dropping her to the hospital to see my DDad and visiting his parents.

I think the suggestion already made about perhaps giving them one present from him could diffuse the situation.

It'd make your DC feel good, you'd feel good knowing you've enabled that, he'll think you're being reasonable which would take any extra stress off you (saying again that in no way should make you feel guilty or responsible for what he does)

Thank you I will speak to him tomorrow.

Just because he wants to see them, doesn't mean you have to fit it in. Tell him he can see them Christmas Eve or Boxing Day. Yes he's their Dad and they have a right to see him, but HE doesn't have a right to come and go and demand to see them when it suits him and bugger what you already have planned. Don't become a doormat just because he's started seeing them again.

What ChippingIn said - seeing both parents on Xmas Day itself can get a bit rushed, don't feel pressured to fit it in. Far nicer for them to have a full day with each of you IMO.

It's a bit crappy he's decided he wants to be part of the arrangements so last minute, isn't it? Must be stressful for you trying to sort it. Maybe after Christmas see if you can have a chat about next year.

Bloody Hell, even my ex has bought for his DC's. And he's notoriously useless with stuff like this.

Granted he hasn't had the physical TIME to shop for DS2's present, but he's given me the money and asked me to pick it up for him today. And that's only because the three other shops he tried for it on his one day off had sold out.

And he's going to be wrapping them himself too.

No way would I do this - I've had to traipse around buying presents for our DC's, I've had to wrap them all, I've had to think about what to get them.

I don't mind buying the present with his money, for him to wrap up, when he HAS tried to buy it, has bought for the others, and has no physical TIME to shop, but he's had to decide what he wants to get, and give me the money!

(He couldn't do it last month as we had DS2's birthday, and needed to see what he got for that. I always end up Christmas shopping in December for DS2 as well because of how close to Christmas his birthday is.)

This weekend has been very stressful! My DDad is having a triple heart bypass today, I have lost my purse and the cinema tickets for DD1s birthday party are in there (16 tickets!), the kids have been playing up and now he has thrown this at me.

I tried to speak to him on Tuesday about Christmas but he said he was busy at the pub so probably wouldn't be able to see them.

Sorry I have gone off again. Thank you for your replies, I will try not to be a door mat. :)

I hope he works at a pub or that's an awful reason not to see your kids!

BertieBotts yes he has ran a pub since we split up. He has said he is cooking dinner for some customers so he can't leave, plus he likes he a drink too much and will be over the limit by lunch time.