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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To get despondent every year

13 replies

SillyBlueHat · 23/12/2012 19:40

DP always sulks about Xmas for various and variable reasons. When we first got together it was because he had to visit my family with me so missed out on parts of Xmas with his family. I did suggest we spent it separately. Now we have dcs and I gave put my foot down about spending Xmas day driving or listening to his pissed family who start drinking at 5am.
We have various family members visiting throughout the day and will be on our own from 5pm when we will have dinner. Now he is moody about us having dinner on our own. Oh, and apparently we will look tight having only spent £130 on his parents.
I just want to take the dcs away and enjoy xmas. He won't even tell me what he would like with his turkey so I bet that will be wrong on the day.
I used to love everything about Xmas, now I just feel deflated, irritated and upset.

OP posts:

LauriesFairyonthetreeeatsCake · 23/12/2012 19:43

You are not responsible for his happiness. Ignore him entirely or tell him to cook his own veg.

I'd reconsider the relationship if it was me.

Original poster

SillyBlueHat · 23/12/2012 20:07

He's lovely for the rest of the year though

OP posts:

YourHandInMyHand · 23/12/2012 20:09

I had a partner like this. I left him.

wendybird77 · 23/12/2012 20:17

Honestly, if he is lovely the rest of the year I'd just set up new traditions and send him to his parents on his own so the DCs can have a lovely Christmas. You can't change anyone else, but you really don't have to let it get you down. Accept it as a character flaw and get him away from you. Let him buy gifts for his parents and sort his own meal out. If he doesn't want to contribute to the meal tell him in advance that you don't want to hear anything about it on the day. It doesn't have to be a fight, but you may need to change your expectations about how one does Christmas and let him get on with his own misery. Seriously, don't engage.

tallwivglasses · 23/12/2012 20:17

Tell him he's an old Bah Humbug and to stop moaning or you'll stuff theturkey giblets up his arse. Sometimes it becomes such a habit they don't realise they're doing it.

AgentZigzag · 23/12/2012 20:17

What is it about Christmas that puts him on such a downer do you think?

Something specific in the past? Maybe lots of stress when he was a child around the same time?

It's understandable he might want to go out and do things with other people at a time defined by being sociable - that's not necessarily saying he doesn't want to spend it just with you.

It is horrible for him to infect you with it though, and getting shirty about 'only' spending £130 on his parents!?? WTF? How much was he thinking of shelling out on them? How much were your pressies to each other?

AgentZigzag · 23/12/2012 20:18

Good post wendy.

amillionyears · 23/12/2012 20:25

Good posts here.
I am wondering how you deal with his family and their early drinking, the rest of the year.

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 23/12/2012 20:56

If you are absolutely sure he's lovely the rest of the year (I don't see how he can be, but there you go...) then you need to talk to him and sort it out, you can't be having that every bloody Christmas, it's stressful and full of hassle when you are both on board.

Original poster

SillyBlueHat · 23/12/2012 21:15

Thank you everyone. Wendy, your post made sense. I'm just hormonal at the moment (pregnant). This year is the first at home so hopefully he will see that it's a good thing.
I look forward to the dcs being old enough to get excited and make an effort to do xmas type things with me

OP posts:

SuperSesame · 23/12/2012 21:15

My hub had a touch of this a few years ago.
It stemmed from him having a round tinted view of his Christmases as a child and young adult. He would either be in amongst his many siblings having a noisey and busy Christmas, or returning from abroad where he would be welcomed by the PILs with open arms and spoilt.
Then we got married and moved quite near to them. Suddenly his parents house was much quieter and it was not as exciting.
But somehow, I got the blame as in his view it all changed. But the reality is that the excitement diminishes anyway and would have regardless of me.
We had big discussions about this so it's all fine now. But at the time, I bore the brunt of his frustrations that he couldn't have a Christmas like he used to years before.
He wanted to spend time with his parents, but then when there complained that it wasn't like before.
I can understand it to an extent, but eventually lost it when he kept harping on about wanting to enjoy Christmas during bloody Christmas.
Now we've our own family and starting our own traditions has rekindled the excitement for him. Thankfully!
f

AgentZigzag · 23/12/2012 21:51

That's nice as well as being shit at the time, it's lovely his parents went to so much trouble to make him feel special.

But I can imagine it's like when you're younger and have been looking forward all week to going out on the lash at the weekend, only to be disappointed because everyone's skint and no fucker goes out

SuperSesame · 23/12/2012 22:00

That's it exactly.

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