and petty?

[WinkyWinkola]

Dh's parents are Jewish but not at observant at all really. Never have been.
His sister married a religious guy and they're very observant along with their 4 dcs. Jewish schools, kosher, every high holy day, shul every Shabbat. Fair enough.

Our dcs sent pil some homemade Christmas cards with seasons greetings inside. Just been to visit and pil said they won't put up the cards - they're in a drawer - because sil and get dcs will be offended by Christmad cards etc on display. Dh said they always had a tree, cards, gifts on Christmas Day etc when he was a child. Now, nothing.

I was taken aback by this as who on earth is offended by someone wishing someone else seasons greetings, regardless of religion?

Also, does this mean that the sensibilities and preferences of one set of gcs will always be put over the other?

YANBU but I'm generously assuming SIL is a bit anxious about marrying into a lax family, so is taking a militant stance to ensure everyone knows she's serious. Must have been disappointing for you and DC and, I very much hope, embarrassing for your PIL.

I strongly agree with a gentle expression of disappointment to PIL, and request for cards to be displayed somewhere else. I imagine they must be getting cards from other non-Jewish-orthodox people; are they hiding them all? Must be a tad awkward.

Looking forward, please do send BIL and family Hanukah cards ... and be happy you can't invite them for dinner, supposing you lack dual kitchen faciilties

I think your PIls have done this for the sake of a quiet life.

If SIL is one to make a fuss, and you are saying you are loathe to, then I expect that's where their decision has come from.

I think you should make a fuss though, on behalf of your dc. It's is offensive to them for their cards to be hidden away. Your SIL doesn't sound nice.

I was given a card that said Merry Christmas by a friend who is an observant Muslim the other day, I thought it was lovely of her.

I understand why your feelings are hurt, Winky, but if the grandparents have up all other artwork from your kids, it doesn't sound like they have a preference for sets of grandchildren. They are just trying not to offend your SIL.

I'm a rubbish Jew so my family love celebrating Xmas. We are brilliant at it. We'd celebrate Eid if we'd thought of it (and I did a bit actually when my flatmates were Muslim) so I love getting Xmas cards.

However, one of my good friends who I grew up with and was equally a rubbish Jew is now very observant. Her kids all go to faith schools, she keeps a kosher home, no longer speaks much English but prefers Hebrew or Yiddish. She would be offended by receiving Xmas cards and would think it strange to see them in a Jewish family home.

My guess is that if she is now very observant, it's an embarrassment to her that her parents are so slack (her view, not mine obviously). My friend has asked her family to be much more observant to give a good impression to her children and her parents - who I still know - have become more observant than they used to be. They definitely wouldn't celebrate Xmas now, but we did as kids.

Of course you are not being unreasonable to want grandparents to display your kids' work. But I think on this occasion, it might be worth putting it down to the often wonderful but sometimes weird intricacies of having close relatives with very strong religious beliefs that encompass everything you do.