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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

about gay/lesbian marriage?

43 replies

ariane5 · 22/12/2012 21:32

The other day I was with my sister and my dd2 (3).

Dd2 was playing a little game and talking about how she had been bridesmaid at my wedding a few months ago.I asked her "who do you think you will marry one day?" And she replied "millie" (we do not know anybody called millie).I was about to carry on chatting when my sister started getting very annoyed questioning dd about 'millie' and "why do you want to marry a girl", "only girls and boys get married,not two girls" and so on.She was quite irate.

Dd2 looked a bit puzzled and just said "I like ladies, they are so pretty"

Now, I think dd2 is just at an age where she likes all things girlie and pretty and prefers women for these reasons.I do not know if one day she will grow up to prefer men or women and tbh I have not really thought about it.All I know is that as long as she is in a loving relationship one day and is happy then I do not mind who it is with.

My sister was really not happy and said I should not condone "talk like that" and should tell dd while she is still young that it isn't right.I do not want to argue with dsis as she can be very difficult at times and it is usually advisable in order to keep the peace to stay on the right side of her but this time I felt I had to tell her I thought she was wrong.

Dh agreed with me, we wouldn't actively seek to bring up the subject with a 3 year old but seeing as my dsis has made it such a big issue I don't know what to do-dd still keeps saying she will marry a lady when playing games or makes her barbies 'marry' each other.dsis is very angry at me and keeps telling dd2 that she should want to "find her prince" one day and it is really starting to annoy me.I have told her (very strongly) to please leave the subject well alone.

AIBU?

OP posts:

Ephiny · 22/12/2012 21:48

Your sister is being ridiculous.

Original poster

ariane5 · 22/12/2012 21:50

Dsis has a few hang ups about marriage, recently telling me how she would "never have a child out of wedlock" (I have four) and how she would be the first out of the 3 of us (we have a brother) to have a "legitimate child".

She seems to know exactly how everything should be done and of course I have done it ALL wrong according to her!

OP posts:

elliejjtiny · 22/12/2012 21:50

We've just had a similar conversation with FIL. DS1 (aged 6) has decided that he is going to be a transvestite when he grows up. He is also going to marry my friend's DD and have 100 children. He is going to ask physically disabled DS2 to move in with them so he can help him on and off the toilet and he is going to have a shed to keep his lego and train set in so his children don't mess them up.

floradora · 22/12/2012 21:51

My DD want to marry Mummy and Daddy, and sometimes the dog. And I'm delighted to say she is unfazed by the number of her friends who have 2 mummies / 2 daddies. Not a problem for her, or for her friends. I quite enjoy discussing them in passing to the bigots in my family, just to wind them up

GailTheGoldfish · 22/12/2012 21:54

"Legitimate child"?! You may not want to upset her but tiptoeing round her only allows her to carry spouting racist, homophobic and outdated nonsense. I think you need to tell her to keep her horrible views away from your lovely child!

Original poster

ariane5 · 22/12/2012 22:02

It is the final straw for me. Dcs are all lovely and I do not want them hearing horrible things or being made to feel bad about any choices they make.

Growing up our dad was VERY vocal about his views regarding similar matters which dsis has obviously inherited.he was outraged recently to learn that his grandson (ds1 5yr) cried everytime the wateraid advert (I think-with the little boy called john in?) Came on, poor ds1 even wanted to know did he live near us and could he take him water.

Great family I've got

OP posts:

Devora · 22/12/2012 22:07

Your sister sounds charming. Poor you, having to cope with that and your dad.

SPsFanjoIsSantasLittleHoHoHo · 22/12/2012 22:09

Your sister sounds like a twat tbh

MrsFlibble · 22/12/2012 22:11

Jeez, shes 3, what 3 year old actually understands what marriage is, to her its probably what people do who like each other,

Your sister is a massive idiot.

Alisvolatpropiis · 22/12/2012 22:11

Your sister and dad sound awful. Poor you!

GalaxyDisaStar · 22/12/2012 22:12

Your sister sounds vile. DD told me she would marry me the other day. Funnily enough, I just said that was nice.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 22/12/2012 22:13

Your sister is a cow! She's three , has no idea what she's saying it doesn't mean anything. And if it did why would it matter ? :( your dd will Marry (or not) who ever she chooses and your sister can like it Or lump it!!!

Original poster

ariane5 · 22/12/2012 22:15

Up until now I have ignored their views, I do not like what they say but have never argued about it I just have tended to steer conversations away from flammable topicsm

Involving my dcs is different though I do not want them ruined by these horrible views and it upset me that dd2 was just playing a game and was obviously confused as to why her aunty was so angry.

OP posts:

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 22/12/2012 22:20

She had no right to be angry at your dd :( and I hope she can keep her homophobic opinions to herself before it looses her all her friends and her family!

Your dd sounds sweet , and I hope she doesn't allow her Aunty to upset her anymore.

LurcioLovesFrankie · 22/12/2012 23:25

YA so NBU! Tell her to keep her homophobic opinions to herself! On a lighter note, my DS currently wants a polygamous marriage with me, a Viennese tram and Scooby Doo. Marriage to Milly (or I suppose for DS, Miles) sounds like a haven of conventionality I can only dream of.

BegoniaBampot · 22/12/2012 23:37

Your sister sounds very strange indeed. No way would I be pandering to her.

Narked · 22/12/2012 23:38

'Find her prince'

Your sister is wrong on so many levels.

StackOverflow · 22/12/2012 23:42

... keeps telling dd2 that she should want to "find her prince" one day ...

Bleurgh! I'm straight and I can still think of at least 250 women I'd consider marrying before any male member of the royal family.

On a more serious note: I agree with the posters who suggest you confront her about this. As a teen I had to witness first hand how one of my friends struggled with her family's refusal to accept her sexual orientation. Homophobic attitudes like this are incredibly damaging and hurtful to everyone involved.

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