To not want this bloke in our home?

[Christmashasarrived]

Sorry this is abit long.

We live in a nice area and get on well with our neighbours.

Our neighbour a bloke in his twenties knocked at our door couple nights ago. Was talking about his job or something and ended up inviting himself in for a beer.

He is always friendly when we say hello. Admitted few months ago that he has been in prison years ago but I don't know what for. He recently split with his partner and she has moved out with his child. From what he said she left after an incident when the police were called to the house.

After a couple of beers I hinted it was time for him to leave as we had to go to bed. He implied I was boring and didnt relax and have fun. I wasn't drinking and was the one who suggested he leave so I guess that's why he said that.

Anyways my husband agreed to another drink. When the bloke then suggested having another my husband declined despite the guy been quite pushy and the bloke left.

But here's where it gets complicated.
At one point in the night I couldn't find my mobile. I asked my husband to ring it off his mobile. Bloke was having a cigarette outside at this point. When he came back in he thought I was suggesting he had nicked it. Me and husband said we wouldn't let him in house and have a drink if we didn't trust him but he became weird and we could tell he was stewing over it. He went quiet and we didn't know what he was gonna do. It just felt really tense like the mood has changed. Anyway he left about 10 minutes after this. Left on good terms. Didn't for one second think he had taken my phone.

Am I unreasonable to not want him in our home again. I felt uncomfortable and don't want to feel like that in my own home.

I get the feeling that now he has been over once its set the precedent for it to happen again.

I've spoke to my husband he said he declined the last drink because he could see the atmosphere had changed and more alcohol would have made that worse.

When I said I don't want him in the house again he just said depends on the situation. My husband also admitted he thought the bloke had potential to kick off but that he's not a bad bloke really.

you are right not to have him in again. stick to it. you and your partner. he's already bullying his way in.

If he's been in prison, he may have experienced a lot of mistrust and prejudice from some people who would automatically point the finger at him if anything goes missing. Hence the paranoia about the phone.

But he should have left when you indicated.

I doubt that "people see you that way", the guy sounds like an entitled twat and people like that tend to have strange views/opinions about others.

Alcohol might be the key thing, how about hiding the booze and inviting him in for a cup of tea? He might be ok if you still get a bad vibe then always keep a coat by the door and say that you are about to go out if he calls?

I think it's weird to go knocking on someone's door whom you barely know and invite yourself in. I wouldn't dream of turning up unexpected at someones house. The only time i pop round to my neighbours is if i have a parcel for them. Personally i don't answer my door in the evenings, anyone who knows me would call first.

He sounds very intimidating, whether or not he's aware of it or doing it deliberately.

If it were me I'd be scared too - and I'd install a door viewer if you don't have one, and not answer if he turned up.

very scary and very inappropriate. I really hope his ex girlfriend is safe and he doesn't know where she is - I bet her life was hellish if this is how he behaves around strangers.

Or if you open the door and it's him, make an excuse - about to go out, expecting someone round, on the phone,

sometimes it's good to answer with your coat on as it looks authentic if you say you're about to leave.

Whatever you do, don't let him in again and it will establish a further precedent. Sober or not. Don't do it.

I would nt invite him back to my home again, if dh wants a drink with him he can either o to his house or the pub