Christmas and people not helping

[alemci]

I felt coerced into doing christmas dinner this year. It shouldn't be a big deal but it is my mum and her new husband and she is just a pain somehow. TBF she has done it for a long time but always complains and makes such a fuss about it and how much work it is etc. My DH was often working so it made things difficult

I was quite looking forward to doing it in some ways but I just feel fed up with the mess in the house which is what stresses me alot more. I have 3 teenagers and one is back from university. They do so little to help and I just get ranty and shout. I ask them nicely to start with and then they just don't help. most of the clutter is theirs. One has only just got out of bed and is the one that leaves mess everywhere. she is doing A2 but literally does nothing to help around the house. I don't normally mind but it is really getting on my nerves now. If i didn't say anything they wouldn't help anyway.

I don't think I will ever bother with christmas again. It has got to the point where I won't even cook next year or celebrate as it is such a pain in the rear end.

if you have a house full of adults and you are the only one doing anything something is wrong

give each person a list, and leave the house for a few hours

it's non negotiable that it's done by the time you get back

you'll feel better

and next year, don't do it!

If it's any consolation, two of mine are still in bed and have to be coerced into doing even the smallest of tasks. Eldest ds and I were wrapping presents while the others were out. After about 3, he announces that he's tired of it and will go and watch TV! I explained that we wouldn't be stopping until the presents were all wrapped whereupon he says that this is one of the reasons he will only have 2 children.....they just assume that Christmas happens as if by magic.

i've kind of given up. They asked me if they could do a NYE party earlier in the week and I am glad I said no. YD's room is disgusting and it makes me want to cry. My house isn't even that bad but I just hate having anyone here because it is just such an effort to clear up and keep it tidy.

I would have said they can have the party if they clean up for Christmas and after the party and contribute to the food for New Year. At that age they can make plenty of money babysitting at this time of year. That way everyone wins.

I feel exactly the same. My 3 teens have just buggered off to their dad's for the weekend and have had to be nagged even to get their clothes in the laundry basket and finish the washing up.

I too feel your pain!!
It's really got me down this week.
My 3 did more around the house to help when they were toddlers

They didn't help on Sat and we had a massive row tonight when my YD did a rubbish job of clearing up the shower room. my DH totally undermined me by not stopping her going out.

I now realise why I hate having people over because I get no support. I know I probably sound full of self pity but it is hard when I do alot for my kids but they do so little in return.

DS is slightly better and will do things if I ask but YD is a pain. She borrows my clothes and has left a cardigan at a friends house. She doesn't ask, just takes when i am not around.

I have spent the whole day doing stuff for christmas. I know my ED is not feeling too well so I was more understanding with her but she has lived away from home so you would think she would be more sympathetic.

I ask nicely and they don't do it so I get ranty in the end. It is probably easier to do it all myself in this situation from now on.

I'd be incandescent with rage if DP failed to back up a sanction.

You can either go on as you are, but beware of turning into your own mum (read your own OP and compare to your own last paragraph), or you can just walk out and leave them to stew for a day or two and appreciate just how much you do.

yes imperial I see where you are coming from. Trouble is we try not to be like our own parents but morph into them. i can't see it changing much and I don't feel like asking them to help as it it obviously too much trouble and they have 'better' things to do.

I am upset but i don't think I will want to help them anymore as their attitude is rubbish. YD has a steady boyfriend so she probably whinges to him about me. My DS thought they could help out a bit more.

I think because my DH never had to help in his own home and his mum was a bit of a doormat who is very nice but never had any sort of life and a controlling husband, he tends to think it is normal for the DCs not to help and it is my role to do most of the work. he does help out but I think it is such as shame we can't all pull together.

This is why there is only me DH and DS at home this year. After last year serving 15 people Christmas dinner (DH broke his shoulder the week before) I decided not again ever!

I don't think people realise how stressful all the shopping and cooking and cleaning is. They bloody well sit there and expect to be waited on and then up they go to bed, leaving you to clear up and then start again the next day.

Well I'm with you. Today has been bloody lovely, relaxing and quiet. Hope next year is better for you.

I give my DCs very clear instructions about what must be done by when and by whom. Having said that I do have to chill a bit as they will always leave it to the very last moment possible and never do anything sooner or voluntarily

Put a lock on your wardrobe so clothes can't get borrowed.
Make a list of daily and weekly chores, and sanctions if they're not done.
Tell your dh that he backs you or your kids will grow into feckless adults and he won't be doing the best by them.
If pocket money changes hands then it is stopped until lost clothing is returned in good condition - or replaced.

it went ok and I did enjoy myself. My DH helped with the dinner and it was good. Played a game and had some drinks. I would do it again.

In an ideal world they would help and YD was a bit more helpful today in her own

way.