AIBU to be annoyed at my brothers being crap at gifts?

[HRMumness]

I've been in the UK 10 years, my family are all back in Oz.

For my birthday - I'm lucky to get a phone call from between them and even then it is only if my Mum nags them. I used to send them gifts but stopped and now will only send a card or call. For my brothers 21st I gave him AU$1k and the cheeky fucker had a bet on with his friend how much I would give him as I made a special trip back for it

For Christmas - used to send them gifts but don't normally bother anymore as the only time they ever bought me anything was the one year I was home.

For DH wedding - we had in Perth so they didn't have to travel because I knew they wouldn't they came and neither gave us a gift. Younger brothers GF was a student so poor at the time but both of them work in reasonably paying jobs. It was also my 30th birthday a week before and I was home. They didn't even get me a card.

For the birth of their niece, my first DD - younger brother's GF got me a me a lovely gift from both of them which my mother brought with her too tight for postage but my older brother did not phone or text or anything for weeks. It was only when my Mum got home and bollocked him did he give her some money to go buy a card and clothes for my DD, that she then had to send it for him.

Christmas now - I sent them all small gifts, younger brother, his GF and older brother from my DD, expecting that they might send her something small since it is her first Christmas and would feel bad if we didn't get them something in return. Of course they didn't send anything and speaking to younger brother they didn't even say thank you for the gifts. I should add they have met my DD as we flew back to introduce her to both sets of families in Australia at considerable expense Neither brother has visited me in the UK.

Sorry this is long but I just feel very hurt by them and am worried that they will never make an effort for their niece. So AIBU to expect them to perhaps be less crap when it comes to presents / effort to get in touch for my DD?

They may change when they have kids, but by the sounds of it, it will most likely be their partners that get the gifts, if at all.
YANBU to be upset

My brothers and sisters are mostly crap at gifts.

No, your brothers will probably never make an effort for their niece. They might get a wife or girlfriend who feels obliged, but don't hold your breath.

My BIL is also useless. He was a year between girlfriends and my DD got nothing for Christmas or birthday that year.

Meanwhile his other niece, SIL's DD, got presents for both because SIL would never have forgiven him if he hadn't.

Actually I think YABU. Although I can see why you are upset.

Only because they have never given you reason to think they would do otherwise. You still continue doing as you want, hoping that they reciprocate.

Also with the visiting you. TBH i have no wish to go to australia, even if dbro moved there I still wouldn't fancy it and would not feel under obligation to visit him because HE chose to move.

I think on the whole YABU.

As long as they are interested uncles when they do get to see your dd, then they aren't actually doing anything wrong. You chose to move away, that doesn't obligate your family to fly half way around the planet when you also choose to have a child.

I'm not sure why you would expect them to get in touch more for a baby?

Brady - fair point about birthdays and Christmas. The thing is they manage to do presents for the rest of our family, it is just me they don't bother with.

Not going to a wedding without even a card is incredibly rubbish even if you weren't related, let alone when it is your only sister.

I don't think I'd expect people living on the other side of the world to send presents for Christmas and Birthdays, to be fair- not only is it difficult and time consuming to choose things that are postable, it's also extremely difficult to choose presents for people you don't see regularly.
Personally, if one of my siblings moved to Australia, then I'd be saving to get out there, but that would be because I wanted to visit Australia, not because I felt compelled to visit my sibling. If they moved somewhere lss appealling, then I wouldn't visit them. Their choice to move, I wouldn't be using lots of money and my holidays to visit somewhere I didn't want to go - maybe they feel the same about where you are living now ? I mean, it would be nice if they did, but you can hardly expect it.

Oh and I should add it would be nice if they wanted to visit and they have said they are interested but I wouldn't expect them to come.

I think that cards and presents mean different amounts to different people. My dad is not much of a one for presents, to say the least - he shows that he cares by coming round and doing DIY. I'm not someone who's fussed about presents either, really, and I'd only bother about cards in the direst circumstances (you pretty much have to be dying to get a card from me, and even then, I'd rather do / give something useful) but I know from Mumsnet that presents and cards mean a huge amount to a lot of people.

SO I dont think you'll ever get cards and presents from your brothers, because they don't think they're terribly important.

Your DD probably won't get cards and presents from them either - because, tbh, although she's all important to you and your DH, to your brothers she's a niece, which is somewhat less close than a sister.

OP when moving you do kind of get forgotten about. You are not there everyday. You moved across the world, you don't feature in their loves on a daily basis.

Its shit I know. But its a consequence of moving.

lives not loves