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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

WHY the hell do people backbite and crush someone to pieces?

5 replies

SometimesEverything · 21/12/2012 12:58

I was so angry about an hour ago I was shaking, but I've calmed down now, but feel like complete shit. I just want some other people's perspective on this matter.

I have written threads about my SIL and my brother before: incase anyone is interested We're Asian.

Just for a bit of info, yes he did end up giving all my money back thanks to all the advice I got on here, he is still paying me back the loan I took out for him, although he is still late with payments sometimes.
I completely cut them out of my life since my last thread. Visits and meetings are very scarce, and I even got out of meeting them on Eid last October by going out with my DH and children instead. I think that pissed them off, but I've been really really happy since I've stopped meeting her.

BUT. They had the baby. It's the all important "boy" she's always wanted and dreamed of. We went to their house to cut the hair of the baby (Islamic traditions, the baby''s hair is cut on 7th day).

They told me how they'd booked for some man to come home and circumcise the baby. Now, I don't want to make this into a circumcision is bad debate. I had my own son circumcised at a private clinic where there were 3 experienced doctors. The point is, if you are going to do this operation, I believe it should be done in an appropriate place with competent doctors who actually have all emergency equipment at hand, if anything (God forbid) goes wrong. The day before I had read about the poor little baby who had died at home after a botched circumcision. I told them, that they shouldn't get it done at home. They should go to the clinic where we got our son done and loads of other babies we know are done, because its safer all around. I also mentioned the article I'd read, although I didn't go into specific details, I said it's safer to get it done in a clinic. At the time, SIL was agreeing with me and saying she didn't want it done at home anyway. Maybe in hindsight, I shouldn't have mentioned the article? But if I was planning something dangerous like this, I'd be fucking glad someone told me about the risks.

So fastforward to today, and my sister tells me that when my other brother went around to see their baby, brother and SIL had gone into a complete bitching session about me, about how I'd stopped them from filming the hair cutting ceremony (COMPLETE AND UTTER LIE!) and that I shouldn't have stopped them from filming it. My dh was there too, and I did not say ANYTHING like that. Complete and utter lies. I asked my husband if I'd said anything out of order, and he says that he didn't see anything wrong being said or done.

WHY backbite like this? I'm HIS SISTER fgs, if you have a problem TELL ME. WE GREW UP TOGETHER IN THE SAME FUCKING HOUSE, yet he acts like a stranger and she does all the talking.

Sorry it's long and for the swearing..I am just so angry and saddened that lies are being made up about me like this, when I have done nothing wrong. Even when I stay away, the few moments I'm around her, she uses against me.

OP posts:
SometimesEverything · 21/12/2012 13:01

Oh yes, forgot to add. Last month, at my DD's birthday party, SIL stood in the kitchen and backbited about my friend who was also at the party. The woman heard everything and went to her, and told her some home truths. My friend didn't know she was my SIL, and only told me a week later that some woman at the hall had been very rude to her. Now I think SIL thinks I bitch about her to this friend, but I have never spoken about her to anyone. (apart from on here and to my sister).

It's bitchy school child behaviour and I don't understand HOW i get roped into her shit every bloody time. I feel sick.

OP posts:
cheekybaubles · 21/12/2012 13:03

Do you think maybe she needs some help?

SometimesEverything · 21/12/2012 13:05

I would let it go, if I thought she had PND, but she has ALWAYS been like this. Even when not pregnant. She's a 43 year old woman fgs. Why does she shit stir like this all the time?

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OscarPistoriusBitontheside · 21/12/2012 13:07

Because some people genuinely have nothing better to do with their time. They make themselves feel better by putting others down.
I feel for you, I really do. People like that are exhausting.

SometimesEverything · 21/12/2012 13:14

Oscar, she has everything she dreams of. People would say she has the perfect life, so why would she want to make herself feel better when she already has it good? Why ruin someone else's life and feelings when you have everything? Yes she is very exhausting. Even a couple of hours meeting her over a space of 4 months, and this is what I get. :(

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