To veto DHs NY plans?

[DuddlePuck]

So far we have no plans for NY this year. I personally hate the hype and expectation that everyone has an amazing time, and was quite looking forward to a few drinks at the local. I can stumble walk home, we don't have to worry about the dog and I know I can buy a bottle of vino for 7 quid so it needn't cost a fortune either.

DH dropped into conversation last night that he might get in touch with his old friends about NY and see if we could join them at their party. I straight up said I didn't want to go. I sound like a right miserable cow, but

1. the party is a long way away, so we'd have to stay over.
2. they are his friends, rather than being mutual acquaintances, so although I know them, I wouldn't choose to spend time with them.
3. They hark back to a time is his life when he was very much a 'party animal'. It will not be a sedate game of monopoly with After Eights, IYSWIM.

I feel like I'm being a pooper by just vetoing without finding out any more details, especially as we are hoping to be pg this time next year, so this is kind of a last blowout year for him. I've said he can go and I'll stay home, but it is our first married Christmas and he's not likely to do that.

Should I just suck it up and go, knowing that he'll have a great time and its probably the last time I'll have to do this? Or should I stick to my guns and push for a quiet one down the pub?

Thanks for the judgement. I'm assuming none of you had a misspent youth As I've previously said, he lived a very different lifestyle before he met me, it is very occasional use now (I can think of three occasions in the past year), and I (and he) knows it will stop when we have DCs.

The question was whether I was BU to say I wasn't going on this night out, I think following my little revelation I am going to chat to DH and tell him just how I feel and why it is that I feel I should go (to let him have his last blow-outs before TTC), even though I don't want to.

It might be that we come to a compromise by going out somewhere closer with mutual friends (if anyone is going out).

Dreaming thank you so much for your reasonable and considerate response. I should have known the MN judgy pants wouldn't stay off for long!

Let him go and you have your quiet night in

I dont get this "last blow out" garbage. Life doesnt end when you have kids you know! And if he needs to shovel copious amount of Columbia's finest up his nose to "get over" growing up then you have bigger problems than this party!

Seriously, dont go. Illegal drugs are illegal drugs and by going you are saying to him that you are ok with it, when you are not. NOW is the time to stop, not after you are pregnant or have given birth. I hope you know what a dramatic difference even casual drug use can have on TTC.

And this whole "letting him" do stuff because you are frightened he will leave like your dad did, is setting yourself up for a lifetime of being afraid to say no to him.

You dont want to go, you dont want him using illegal drugs, neither of these things is unreasonable so stick to your guns and insist.

If he goes could you enjoy a quiet night doing your thing at home or would you worry about him/ regret not going?

I would suggest he go alone.

I know it's your first married NYE but it's not your first together (is it?) and you'll probably have many more NYEs together, as a family.

Could be his last blow out with those mates, doing that kind of night, before a kiddie-focussed life.

Amotherruin, Alphabet and Ampthersplace - how are those dramatic LTB responses in any way useful?

Answer - they're not.

Don't understand why yet feel compelled to go with him, you want a quiet night in, he wants to party -do your own things!

Aye right he will will suddenly give up his drug taking ways magically when bubs appears. Grown men dont need to have a last "blow out" btw but you know that deep down dont you?....

Michelle, it would deeply worry me that my DH was a recreational drug user. When I met my DH he took drugs I would never in a million years go near. My proviso of us getting together was that it would stop and it did immediately. Children came 8 years after.

When is his last blow out really going to be op? The day you find out your pregnant, or maybe on his birthday, or on a mates stag weekend? The answer is it won't be NYE.

Drugs are illegal for a reason. End of. Whilst I'm all for letting my hair down, this makes no sense to me.

Fair enough that you don't want to go, but if he's keen, let him.
If he doesn't want to go without you hell have to miss out.
I know people have very different views on drugs, I don't do them myself anymore, but if that is something he does very occasionally, so what?

In that case, I'd say he goes on his own and you make other plans with friends. Like you say, this may well be his last blowout before you have kids and you really won't enjoy that kind of night. If all his friends are still into drugs then yes, there will be lots around on NYE she says wistfully

We used to love a good night like your OH did and it's just something stops once you have kids. Maybe not for all but for definitely us.

And here was me reading the title thinking he was taking you to New York and you'd turned it down!

But on that note, any chance of a NYE somewhere else? That gives him the perfect out (without losing face) and you can spend it together with dinner, drinks and not a big binge night out. Obviously New York would be fabulous, but costly!! Might need to consider a B&B within the UK, or a overnight trip to Europe somewhere....

I don't think you did drip feed OP. I knew what you meant and I think you wanted answers without it being sidelined into a drugs debate.

I'd tell him to go on his own.