to ask what you'd put in your christmas letter if you were telling the truth

[freddy05]

I was having a conversation with a few friends about sending out Christmas circulars with Christmas cards and the fact that for a lot of people they only serve to make people think your life is perfect and either they feel crappier about theirs or they put you in the 'they're fine' box and don't consider that everyone needs a friend for some reason at some point and there are probably a few things going on that they are worried about.

so we were thinking about the things we might put in if we were looking for a true reflection of the year,

one friend said she'd say 'we're doing Christmas on the cheap because DH was made redundant last week but we'll still have a good time' while another thought she'd put something in about her DS autism diagnosis and her relief that she now had a name to tell people rather than him just being odd.

so being a nosy person I was wondering what other people might put in

???

I'd put how proud I am that DD1 is working so hard for her GCSEs and then it that it's a bloody good job because writing up the evidence for the tribunal about her statement has kept me so busy I don't have time to check up on her.

I'd say than goodness for the girls' DLA because otherwise we wouldn't be able to afford any presents and that I haven't got round to inviting anyone over for Christmas drinks yet and that's quite liberating because I can't be bothered with all the cleaning and shopping that would entail.

I would tell everyone that DD2 is enjoying her new school and how lovely it is that she hasn't refused to attend a single day this term (well not a whole one anyway) and that if only we could get the taxi driver to be a little more restrained about his speed things would be almost normal on school mornings.

I'd apologise for not including a lovely picture of the girls and explain that it's because DD1 is terrified of having her picture taken and anyway she won't consider standing next to DD2 because she wears such an odd collection of clothing and apparently 'makes every picture look weird'.

I'd finish off by asking people to keep their fingers crossed that both girls sleep simultaneously for at least a few hours of Christmas Eve because I've found that no sleep at all makes me grumpy by the end of Christmas day.

I hate those letters, people use them to just show off. We had one last year from some family, going on about what a wonderful year they had had, wonderful holidays together, children excelling in school winning awards for this and that, they'd renewed their vows and were more in love than ever.... ad infinitum.
You know the type of letter that is designed to make you and yours feel inferior? By February they were announcing they were splitting, I know its awful and awful for the DC but I really had to stifle a snigger because their perfect life was clearly no so perfect after all!

I can't imagine what I would say in mine, think I just wouldn't write one. Anyone that is close to me that I care about and keeps in touch, knows what is happening in my life anyway.

i really wouldn't even go there!

This year's cards have not included any mention of the new baby, which I'm expecting in two weeks, because I am so ashamed to be having him on my own, and don't want people to feel judgmental or pitiful or anything else really. I can't bear it.

I'm not ashamed of the baby, just of myself and my appallingly useless life. So most people I've sent a card to don't even know. It'll make it hard next year, but I plan just to sign them from me 'and the boys'.

Sorry, bit of a whinge

I really wouldn't have anything to say. Life never changes much around here. I can't decide if that makes us blessed or boring (I suspect the latter).

Mine would probably read, we are all one year older, several pounds heavier and for all other details see last year's letter!

If I were to send a round robin I would mention that actually it's been a pretty unexciting year.

Apart from a nail-biting appeal to get DS2 into the same school as his brother, me sinking back into depression and contemplating running away from DH and the kids and then me being offered a job in a field completely unrelated from anything I have ever done before. Otherwise my life this year has been snooze-tastic. But I have come to the realisation I need to get out more and it's ok for me to have a social life even in which DH doesn't feature.

oops no need for the 'even' in that last sentence.

I know that if you were my friends I'd already know all these things but they are the kind of thing I would want to know, I always get the feeling that people are pretending in their letters either to themselves or to the world and that's not good and sometimes I think it can leave people on their own when really they could do with a little bit of support with something

slebsImon - I'm sorry you feel like that but you are right, people who you don't see every day don't need to have an opinion on your life so why give them the opportunity to have one

I hate them! Some of my family from England and this is how it goes

Dc1 has just passed all GCSE/a level/add whatever fabulous course they doing now with flying colours, and are just GREAT. They have advanced in all areas of their life to the highest standard.

Dc2 has spent the year doing whatever fabulous amazing class and is meeting the queen. Has just been bought a new horse called duke. And is a complete suck up.

And finally dc3 is a genius and at age 4 has just passed his GCSE's, he is truly amazing and will be in the next Olympics.

Dw and Dh we are having a great year in all areas. Financially we are up 4% and we have just renewed our vows for the 100th time. We are so proud of our truly fabulous kids and no one else's children compare to our own little brown nosers.

Love from
The Twats from England.

Thanks Freddy. That's it - they are mainly people I never see, any more, just old school friends and so on and as such it doesn't matter. I don't want them to know, don't want them to ask questions, don't want them to have any real idea of how my life is - even if it were wonderful, I still wouldn't want them to know particularly.

It's just a polite thing I suppose...a card every year. There are people around me, mainly just the school mums, who are excited about the baby and they are what matter, because it's them I see every day. I do wish I had something to be proud of though, sometimes

Sleds - big hug. I'm a single mum by choice, and did tell all the people on the Christmas card list, because they're friends. But I know exactly where you're coming from - we have a "births" column in our quarterly work newsletter (big organisation, 1100) and I didn't put DS's photo in because of the single mum issue and not wanting to be judged (nor did my gay friend when she and her DW had their first).

This is a round-about way of explaining that I can see why you don't want to put yourself in the position of being judged, but please don't feel ashamed because you have nothing to be ashamed of (contraceptive failure, relationship breakdown, never meeting the right partner - all these are things that happen to nice people who go on to be great mums).

I wrote my cards but didn't write a round robin letter as this year it would say: Crap year. Dh made redundant after 28 years working for the same f**kers who have gone on to sell part of the businesses he built up and slaved over despite always putting work first in the mis guided belief he was working hard for our future, when in fact he was making them richer and us so very much poorer but at least we are contributing to the lawyers funds too. Can't waste money on dc's Xmas presents so hope the family buy them something nice! But on a better note it is nearly 2013 and if we can survive this together then we can survive anything! Merry Christmas everyone

Be proud of being a great mum Sleds

Mumofthreeteens - I wish more people would take the opportunity of the Christmas letter to tell people stuff like that, I have a friend who never told me anything until life totally imploded and I'd put her in my 'she's alright' box because of the Christmas letter's she's sent and I felt awful about it hence really the conversation we were having about it today.

mistletoe we had exactly the same.. In fact dh & I always call it the yearly brag. Got a huge shock when started to read it expecting the usual bragging and it announced they were splitting up. No ones life is 'perfect'

sleds please tell people about your baby. Please start his/her little life being happy about baby's arrival. Why would you not say anything? You have plenty to be proud of....

I could, and have in previous years (to far off relatives) sent a round robin all about our fabulous lives.

But underneath all that fabulousness the truth is that Im feeling horribly weighted down and pulled in every direction. Like I'm running really fast but stumbling and never managing to catch up.

DD1 is still causing me sleepless nights and it is so emotionally draining I am ashamed to say I can't even think about anything positive to say about her.

My mother with Alzheimer's also is a huge weight around my neck and I am very cross that my single DB and DS just don't pull their weight.

I am moving on the 2nd of January and I am just not prepared at all.

I am seeing a neurosurgeon later and am worried that I will need an operation - there is no three week recovery window in my life for at least the next 6 months so I am just going to have to carry on struggling in pain until I can manage to fit in time for the treatment I need.

But from the outside I am like a swan, serenely swimming across the lake.

Who would want to read that?

I am due to have a baby next week and as it is a girl me and DP decided on a name, all family know the name and friends do as well.

DP's neice had an unexpected pregnancy and her daugher was born last month. She has called her daughter a name very similar to what I had chosen. Think Molly and Polly.

Although I smiled and nodded when told I am seething inside. Really pissed off that she chose a name that is essentially only 1 letter different.

I probably am BU as I dont have any rights over a name but I cant help but feel pissed off.

Thankyou Lurcio for understanding, and congratulations to you too

Mumofthree - I am proud, don't get me wrong - proud of this little tiny creature I haven't even met yet, and proud of my other two wonderful lads.

It's difficult to be happy about the situation though - and most people (relatives etc) that my parents have told, have not been happy about it. It's just the way it is. But it doesn't mean this baby won't be very much loved. None of the people we see day by day really care about the circumstances...they are just pleased about the baby. And I think that's what matters.
I just don't feel comfortable doing the whole announcement thing iykwim.
Sorry you are having a tough time too x

Sleds This statement caught me eye: "and most people (relatives etc) that my parents have told, have not been happy about it."

So what if they're not happy about it? Is is really any of their business? The people who really matter are those who will see the baby day to day, and you say that these people are pleased about the baby and that baby will be loved. That's the important bit.