My first AIBU and there is a lot of information so apologies if I miss something.
We moved abroad 2 years ago (from UK) and PILs live in another country. They were happy to visit in UK but refuse to come here (it's too far) and have not seen DCs for 3 years (DH has been over to see them on his own). DH wants to take DS1 (9) to visit PILs next year but I would rather they came here.
My main reason is that DS1 has ASD and he would not cope with it right now. He has severe anxiety problems and is currently seeing a psychologist as he often talks about killing himself, he hits himself and bangs his head on walls, pulls his hair out (leaving bald patches) and bites the skin round his nails until many of them bleed.
He copes very badly with being in an unfamiliar place, especially if he can't come home at night. He panics when there are unfamiliar people around him and if he is the centre of attention (hates people looking at him).
Public transport is a nightmare - on any bus/tram/train he can't step on the floor if it is damp (a disaster when it rains), he has to sniff seats to check them and pull all the dirt off before sitting and gets increasingly distressed if too many people get on. PILs don't have a car and SIL drives like a maniac and refuses to use car seats so he will have to use the busy public transport system there.
PILs don't believe his diagnosis - he'll grow out of it, he's spoilt etc. It would be his first time there and MIL will want to take him to visit lots of relatives and I know it will overwhelm him. PILs flat is small with no place for DS to be on his own and nothing for him to do.
When PILs come here they are only interested in the kids for half a day and then they ignore them for the rest of the time. They constantly talk over ds and he gets very frustrated with them.
I'm also concerned about DH taking him as they have a very volatile relationship. DH has seen a psychologist about his relationship with DS but it didn't help. DH can't accept DS1's diagnosis and consequently really, really loses his temper with him regularly. I know DH will want DS to be on his best behaviour in front of all his friends and family but it seems a recipe for disaster. The pressure this will put on DS will make his anxiety worse, DH will get angry and shout, and then DS will just get even more distressed. DH will always put his mums and sisters needs before DS as his sister is so volatile and he won't stand up to her. What SIL wants she usually gets and MIL is so lovely that she won't argue with her.
PIL won't come here even though I've found an ideal flight for them. It would be quicker than when they came to UK (4 hours including 1 change). FIL has a bowel problem which means he has to go after every meal. He usually avoids breakfast and does things in the morning if he has to go out as he refuses to use public toilets, and I think this is the problem. He won't come here in case he gets caught short on the way (both morning flights by the way, landing at 11.00). I also have a theory that he doesn't like me but as I don't speak the same language I'm not sure about that one.
So AIBU to think it would cause a lot less stress if they came here rather than DS go there.
Sorry that it's so long, thanks if you've read this far!