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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH's night out

16 replies

iloveny001 · 20/12/2012 22:13

DH said he was going for a couple of drinks after work with a friend who is having some issues. This is his 4/5th time out in the last 2 weeks. He said it wouldn't be a late one, and that he would bring home dinner. I was happy that it was going to be an early finish, as we have a 12 week old Ds who has had his injections today, so is being grumpy! As he won't let me put him down without crying, I wouldn't be able to do anything for my dinner, nor have I got anything out to defrost.I also called DH earlier today to say that I was feeling very rough, so it would be nice for him to be home at a reasonable hour.
I texted DH about 40 mins ago to ask where he was, and to let him know i was going to bed. He just texted back to say he was just finishing his drink, and would leave soon. This means he (and my dinner) won't be hone till 11. And DS has just woken up as well! Aibu in thinking he should have been home earlier, or am I just feeling sorry for myself because I feel ill?

OP posts:

EuphemiaInExcelsis · 20/12/2012 22:15

The whole plan was nuts to start with.

DH should either have come straight home, or you should have made arrangements for your dinner to be made/delivered/defrosted.

Original poster

iloveny001 · 20/12/2012 22:39

Fair point. I think next time I'll tell him I'll sort myself out. Especially as he said he was leaving an hour ago, and he has just texted now to say he is just leaving now!

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rhondajean · 20/12/2012 23:01

I disagree euphemia!

An adult, male or otherwise, who is supposed to be out for a short time and then bring home dinner for his oh who is home with a small child shoud be quite capable of doing so.

And at a reasonable dinner time, which for us would be 8/8.30pm.

It's not as if it's the only time he is getting a break either is it?

dreamingbohemian · 20/12/2012 23:10

If he said he would be home earlier, and you have good reasons for wanting him to be home earlier, then of course YANBU to be upset that he didn't keep his word. At the very least he should have let you know much earlier that he was going to be late, so you could sort something else out for food.

If it's a one-off though, well, it's not the end of the world, but is this something he does a lot?

ceeveebee · 20/12/2012 23:19

4/5 nights out in two weeks when he has a 12 week old child is not very considerate behaviour. Was he like this before your DS came along?

I hope you managed to get some food. Stock up on cereal bars, soup and ready meals so you don't get stuck like that again.

Original poster

iloveny001 · 20/12/2012 23:21

I think he just forgets to check the time. I was hoping with ds's arrival he would get better. To be fair this is the only thing that I find annoying, so it could be worse. He is now home, I have been fed, so am going to go to bed now so I can get up for the 4am feed!

OP posts:

Original poster

iloveny001 · 21/12/2012 10:13

DH very apologetic this morning, and did the 4am feed so I could sleep (ds woke up 2 as well). He says he didn't realise the time, and was shocked when I said it was 11pm when he got home.

OP posts:

theleanandhungrytype · 21/12/2012 10:38

Depends a bit on what he was doing. If he was just out on the piss then YANBU but if his friend was pouring his heart out and your DP was trying to sort them out then you can kind of understand it. (Although he should have texted you to let you know). My friend was telling me how suicidal she was feeling again the other night. It would have been a bit rum of me to have drunk up and said 'Right, sorry but got to go and get tea'. He should have told you whether this was the case, though, and using the friends issues as an excuse for a piss up isn't really on, either.

Is it your first DS? Sometimes it takes them a while to get used to how their lives have changed.

StuntGirl · 21/12/2012 10:39

People don't magically change any negative behaviours when a baby is born. So if he's shit with time keeping he'll have to make a concerted effort himself to not be shit.

Am glad he was apologetic this morning though and took over feeding duties.

Original poster

iloveny001 · 21/12/2012 10:49

It was a work colleague who is having issues at work, so can understand he needed to vent. Normally I'd be fine with him going out, and take his 'it will be an early night' with a punch of salt. I think the combination of not feeling well, and sleep deprivation didn't help how I was feeling last night. Thank you for your replies. Will be having a calm word with DH about his time keeping tonight!

OP posts:

Original poster

iloveny001 · 21/12/2012 10:50

Lean, it is our first DS

OP posts:

Crinkle77 · 21/12/2012 11:21

I know a lot of men like this. They say they are going out for a couple then stay out till all hours. Their partners are ringing them all night but they ignore the phone calls which makes the situation even worse. One of my mates fella's does this quite a lot but he is jealous when she goes out

BoraBora · 21/12/2012 11:24

He is BU having a 5th night out in two weeks when you have a 12 week old.

Gillyweed001 · 21/12/2012 11:37

Am hoping now that the festive season is coming to a close that it should calm down. If not we shall be having words about that too! I don't mind the odd night out, as long ad its not all the time.

Gillyweed001 · 21/12/2012 11:39

Sorry, phone posted too early! Meant to say my DH has been out lots lately, hopefully when the festive season calms down your dh will be home a bit more.

dreamingbohemian · 21/12/2012 11:47

See, I think this excuse of 'bad at keeping time' is pretty weak, most of the time.

Your DH has a job so presumably he's not late for work every day? He meets his deadlines and commitments there? So he's not really bad at keeping time when he has to, he just doesn't make the same effort in his personal life.

Perhaps he's just telling people what he thinks they want to hear (I'll be home early) instead of what realistically will happen (not so much).

If he really is genuinely rubbish at time, then I'm sure there are all sorts of bells and whistles on his phone that he can use to set reminders so that you're not left waiting 40 minutes for him to text back. It's good that he's apologetic but believe me, this will only get more and more annoying as your DS gets older.

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