AIBU not going to DP for christmas lunch

[mamasr]

DP has just decided he wants to go to his parents for christmas day.

Original plan was to eat christmas lunch with my parents, family & grandparents then go over to his at around 4:30 for some dinner etc.

We were with my family last year but that was because his parents didn't want to bother with christmas - they have always said they don't really bother with it ie. don't have a tree etc. so can see him argument that we can't spend every year with my family (wasn't intended on doing)

So now he is saying he wants to go there & is being very stressy about it saying well i will take DS with me and you go to your parents. TBH i would normally give in & go with him for this year but this is possibly the last year that i can enjoy having semi healthy grandparents around, My grandad is fighting cancer, 85 and not in the best health anyway and my granny has got dementia.. she is sort of with it at the moment but even the last two months she has got so much worse so by this time next year i imagine (if she is still here) she will not be able to have a conversation etc.

DP is saying i am being selfish and i'm starting to doubt myself... WWYD?

Too late to change plans now. I'd guess your Mum has planned, shopped etc for all of you.

Offer him first choice for what to do next year.

Speak to his Mum?! He's your partner not your child! Work it out between the two of you like adults.

Why not? I'd speak to my MIL as we have a relationship between the two of us. We often talk about stuff between us, especially arrangements.

That's not treating DP like a child, it's just that MIL and I are also grown adults who are capable of talking to each other!

Thanks for all this advice really really appreciate it. I'll speak with DP tomorrow and try to sort it out with him however, if it all fails then maybe i'll speak with MIL if DP still doesn't get it! Starting to loose all my christmas spirit over this!