or is my Aunt?

[GoldPlatedNineDoors]

I'll just give you exactly what happened without any of the background. Then feel free to say IAMBU or SheIBU.

My dds first birthday yesterday - Aunt tells my DM that she will drop my dds gift off at my dms, to which my dm responds that I (and my dd will probably be in) live about five doors away from DM

Head out at lunch for a meal with DH and DD, then we go to the Aquarium for her to see all the fish. Whilst at the aquarium, I take out my phone for a photo and notice a text off Aunt asking of she can pop in at 3. I respond saying we are out at Aquarium and probs be back closer to 4pm. I then get a response saying that she lives near the Aquarium and I should pop by when im done.

Due to the fact that her boyfriend is a truly awful man who almost ruined my wedding and who we have said dd will not ever meet, we have never been to her house so I dont know where she lives. She said its only ten minutes away but I was in an area I dont really know and dont know her area at all

DD was due a nap as we were leaving, so making a detour would be a PITA, I declined politely, but said we would be in all evening or she could visit another day (she visits my DM every week).

Should I have visited, was I rude to decline? Or if you were the Aunt would you think "ok, see you another day"?

I think you handled it fine. Your aunt can drop of the gift another time.

My thoughts exactly!

sounds fine to me too.

yanbu

Sounds reasonable under the circumstances.

So what's the background/your aunt's reaction? (nosey as I am!)

Change 'having a nap' to very upset and crying and needing to get home.

Um, I think if I were your Aunt I might be a little tiny bit hurt.
Despite the horrid boyfriend (does she know how you feel about him?)
You weren't wildly unreasonable but she was clearly trying to make the effort to get DDs gift to you on her birthday.

I appreciate that she wants to see DD on her birthday, and had I not told her where I was, it would have made.no dofference to her plans (aside from.coming over an hour later) - how I wished Id just saod we were 'out'.

She knows how I feel about her dp, and I have discussed it with her especially in the run up to my wedding (evening only invite for him), and after the wedding (took her nearly three.months to come and see me about it) where he behaved in an utterly dispicable way, insulting friends and family, threatened to punch my dh in the face, told us my dad had "fucked us over" by not.paying for the wedding and we announced our pg on the day told us that he couldnt have kids and so we should let him and Aunt 'have a go' and that they would spoil my dc and (in his words) "theyll come back and fucking hate you". Needless to say Aunt has been told her dp will never ever meet our dc and we want him to have no.part.in their (or our) lives. Reasons for only having an evening invite go above and beyond this.

My aunt seemed a little put out in her texts but I have since found out she was also texting my DM at the same time saying I was (paraphrasing) avoiding her/obviously didnt want to see her etc etc.

I should add Aunt has been to my house to see DD once maybe twice in the year even though she comes over this way every single week.

Am guessing your aunt didn't receive this well...?

I would have said yanbu - she wasn't to know you'd be at the aquarium so either thought it wasn't a big deal to get your DD's gift to her by the birthday date or anticipated a trip to you or your mum's. If she knows you're not keen on her partner she might have guessed you'd not rush over, it would've looked grabby just stopping on the doorstep to pick up little one's present.

He sounds awful and I don't blame you for wanting him nowhere near you and yours.

Doesn't really matter who is being unreasonable (not that you are) but more important how you deal with it as your Aunt is clearly a bit hurt. She might not normally make an effort but feels rejected when she does.

Am so slow typing and checking, x-post. But I stand by what I said, except substitute 'not keen on' for 'despise'.

Well, it was left woth my DM suggesting she call.me as she was obviously bothered by it (I of course didnt know this at the time as her messages to me were ok), however she declined saying "it wont change anything".

I would like to speak to her about it, more because I dont want her thinkng I saod what I said because it was her I`d have said it to anyone.

But then another part of me thought "I had all this aggro on my wedding day - I dont want it all again on dds first birthday".