Anyone help me out of impending Xmas screw-up?

[Divinyl]

AIB unseasonable and how can I minimise being unreasonable, as I probably am being?

My parents are coming for Christmas on Saturday, a good 4-5 hr drive, and staying just under a week. I have a DD, 2.3, who is going through a very clingy stage and waking up about 2x a night at the moment so I have been knackered for some time, as is DH - ie, to the point at which we mechanically do all the evening stuff after DD is in bed, and end up dozing on the sofa if we are lucky, rather than expend any unnecessary energy talking.

We have committed to going over from East to West for Boxing Day to DH's aunt, who recently moved house. She wanted to 'do' the family Christmas but has settled on Boxing Day as most couldn't come on the 25th, and both she and DH's family really want us to stay overnight to the 27th which we have said yes to, as it will hopefully be easier with DD and not such a big drive in one go.

DH works for the C. of E. and we were invited to the county carol service on the 23rd which has a ticketed drink reception afterwards. We were going to say no as it is incompatible with DD but realised it would be ok as my parents would be there, so he accepted and is really looking forward to it.

I now realise I had not actually fully described any of this to my mother until this morning on the phone (the staying over, and the carols were omitted), as I have not been able to have uninterrupted phone conversations for some time. So she's now saying things like 'Well, I hope we will be able to see a bit of you at some point...' and that sort of thing. Pretty stupid of me as it looks like they are coming, only for us to abandon them.

I have found the whole business really hard with a 2 yo - shopping with buggy (and antsy child), cleaning up, getting house habitable, let alone ready - just not feeling it, and am bah-humbug about the whole damn lot this year. I am not even really looking forward to either of the above commitments but feel that it would disappoint DH and/or his family if I (and therefore probably DD) were to pull out, but I think I should pull out of one of them. If so, how to manage it?

Wisdom and some 'grow a pair' sentiments, pls?

Shelby, that's exactly my thought, and with her as she is at the moment, I can't think that DH would be hugely thrilled about it either.

How far - prob about 2.5 hrs drive, if no hold-ups, but it's the M25 we're talking about.

MaxPepsi, yes, only child. We are close but generally end up arguing when DPs stay, as she is quite used to me backing down but since I have had a child of my own, I do so much less now.

A lot of the suggestions involve your parents going to the aunts but I don't think it's really fair to expect your parents to do a 2 - 3 hour journey along a motorway after having travelled half the country to stay with you either.
I'd be surprised if they wanted to go to your DH's aunts.

Sorry, not much help I know.
Who do you see the most? / Seen the most recently?

I'm leaning towards blowing out the aunts/inlaws until your folks have gone.
DH taking whoever wants to go along to the carols out of your mum or dad is a nice idea.

I symapthise OP but think the compromises you are considering are probably for the best.
The problem is really caused by your parents coming for so long due, presumably, to the distance involved. My parents have a 4 Hour+ drive to us; we had offered to host for my side of the family this year ( DP and I take turns with each one's family - there are distance problems on both sides and everyone at once would be impossible) - I invited my parents assuming they would come on Xmas Eve but they are coming on 23rd and planned to stay until 29th. Luckily, they are now leaving on 27th but it has meant any get-togethers for DP's family have to be well-past Christmas.

How reasonable is your mum? If it was me I'd call my mum and say 'I'm so sorry, I'm sleep deprived and realise I've completely messed up the Christmas arrangements. Would it be ok if you came to stay the week after Xmas/stayed for an extra few days as I really do want to spend time with you.'

But then my mum is (usually) fairly reasonable, so she wouldn't be mortally offended and she'd also rather I wasn't stressed or miserable about it all.

Failing that (or maybe as well as that) I'd delay seeing the aunt til later - with a badly sleeping child then staying over with a houseful of relatives will be a nightmare. I remember xmas a couple of years ago when DS was little and I was in a room on my own trying to get him to sleep for hours whilst all the relatives were being so fucking loud having fun together. I was ready to kill get drunk by the time he was finally asleep!

Not much help for this Christmas, I know, but in the future you may have to agree to spend alternate years with each side of the family. Good luck with this year!

Thanks all. DH was fairly amenable to coming back the same day on the 26th as it means we don't have to pack travel cot and all paraphernalia as well as handle the little insomniac off site after a hectic day, so that makes it a bit easier I hope. We do try to vary arrangements but feel quite pressured as inevitably the parents on each side have ideas earlier than we do, and try to persuade us into each camp, so I think it was a case of trying to fit in. Just hoping now that the damage repair works out.

By the end of your week your DD should be quite used to having your DP around, so see if they can take her in the morning and give you a lie in. This seems to work best if they get her straight from bed without seeing you in my experience. Obviously I don't know if this will work in your circumstances and with your DD, but it is one of the best bits of having DP to stay for us.

No advice. Just wanted to say that I feel your pain! I am always doing this, saying yes to everyone so I don't hurt feelings then having to sort it all out afterwards. You are not alone and certainly not rude - just trying to please everyone but yourself. I hope you get it worked out and that you all have a lovely christmas.

can they go you DH's aunts and can you put them up in a nice hotel as a treat for one night?

or make the aunt a day trip only

or rearrange the date your parents arrive/leave.

Just read the outcome. I think thats a great option! Can you book your parents in for a nice lunch somewhere on thier day off?

Glad you got it sorted - I'm also an only child and the drama over which side of the family we went for Xmas when DD was tiny was unreal. We spent about 3 years having lunch with my parents then driving halfway up the country because the IL's were with BIL but insisted that we had to see them on Christmas Eve too.

Eventually we said 'no more' and now spend Christmas Day on our own at home every year.

Hope it all works out. We try to do one side of the family for Christmas the other for New Year in a bid to avoid situations like this. We generally fail lol

We've put our foot down this year after too many Christmas seasons like this. DH would have a good chunk of holiday and we would spend it haring around, trying to keep all the balls in the air, and inevitably have a pretty rough time, end up exhausted, and feeling like we'd seen no one properly anyway! This year, we have been very clear that we will be "at home" and people can join us if they like, but we will not be running around, disrupting the DCs and having a rubbish time.

If you had a week off in the summer you wouldn't dream of travelling the length and breadth of the country trying to see as many people as you can with a 2 year old in tow.

Good luck, I don't envy you