AIBU? I don't want the kids to be invisible and silent!

[mummybrained]

I feel like I spend most of my time keeping ds away from dh, reminding him not to shout, stomp, squeal or otherwise make childlike noise. At this time of year, and with the cousins visiting over xmas, i want them to be excited. Am also generally fed up with having to edit my son so he doesn't get grumpy dad growling...it's a year's worth of tension tbh

How old is DS?

What is DH doing that's more important?

Why aren't they allowed to make noise?

Is your DH working at home?

Would this be better off in relationships?

he's a grump, playing computer or 'chilling out' usually about to go to work or just home from work if ds is about (he's 5). I think it's more that we're in a smallish flat so we're a bit on top of each other and dh spends more time than i do thinking of the poor neighbours downstairs. He says he's fed up nagging all the time, i think we're both dreading xmas because of this

i didn't know whether anyone else feels like they spend all their time telling their kids to calm down/be quiet/stand still/be sensible. Went to the school yesterday and they were all totally crazy with Chistmas fever, i loved it, but couldn't live with that all the time. I know some mums watch their kids running riot in a cafe with faces of proud indulgence...just wondering if there's a middle ground?

ltb

My dh has always been like that weekend mornings, grumpy bastard

Ltb is not so simple

Now dd is a teen, she out sleeps him and I'm always telling HIM to stfu and not be so inconsiderate

both fecking miseries if they don't get enough sleep

I wouldn't censor DDs. There are places where hush quiet are necessary ie there's no way she's allowed to run in caves, but at the park/playplace and home she can go full throttle. She understands when/where it's ok and she's 3.

You're going to break his spirit and give him a shitty childhood if he's never allowed to be a kid. Your DH should get a grip, computer games FFS .

Caves while that would probably be dangerous I meant cafes!

Oh god, this thread has brought back memories of "Sssh, you'll wake Daddy up!/annoy the neighbours/give me a headache/" (at 2pm on a Saturday ffs. Or in fact any time of any day)

And then, later, "TURN IT DOWN!" (I'm listening to my crappy stereo, with speakers the size of credit cards, in my own room, with the door closed, with the volume on 4. Not a wall full of Marshall amps all turned up to 11.)

My parents' house is like a morgue. It's so QUIET all the time. I can't stand quiet now, I like bustle and voices and laughter and music - the sounds of life!

Sorry - went off on a rant there. Meant to say YANBU. Kids make noise, they are kids, and yes they should be considerate of the people around them, but not constantly hushed and shushed.

Your DH is BU! He sounds exactly like my dad - he worked a lot so anytime he was actually at home was his 'cave time' and he had us all constantly on egg shells. He and my sister argued constantly, mum nearly left him when i was 14, and our relationship was incredibly strained until I moved out.

Thank god, he has mellowed with age but his attitude meant that dsis and I didn't get to enjoy our home and family as kids. Please talk to you DH and let your child be a normal shouty squealy joyous little thing!

I can kind of see things from your DH's perspective. One of the many reasons I don't want children is because I am so intolerant to noise, sometimes the volume of normal adult conversation is enough to physically hurt my ears, so I really can't bear children shrieking etc. But obviously it's not fair for him to stop your DS from enjoying being a child... I don't know what the answer is.

It drives me mad when my dh works from home. We have 3 dc and they make noise, even when they are quiet. Dh uses the phone a lot and asks that we are silent - not possible. He could work from the office but choses to work from home. But we don't have an office so he works from the bedroom.

Children are noisy! I tell my DH off if he tries to quieten the kids down too much (which is alot) I can understand it being difficult in a small flat and worrying about the neighbours as well as DH but your DS should not be stopped from doing what is normal. Do you spend plenty of time out (park, soft play centre etc) so that your DS can let off steam?

The noise can get really tough though, especially after a stressful day's work. Then me and DH do tell the kids to pipe down.
Have you spoken to DH about it?

Sounds like my dad and this is not good news. I too have a 5 year old and live in a small flat. I tell her to try and be quiet when there are people sleeping, anyone anywhere or if I'm on the phone and she insists to be next to me. Or when it is coming close to bed time and I want her to start to quiet down. Dh is much more tolerant to noise than I am. Tell your H to lock himself in the bedroom.

My Dh can't take a lot of squealing type noise, it really does hurt for him. We only made the kids keep t down when he slept in the mornings due to getting off work at 2am, and if the weather was nice I bundled them off outside to run and scream and bounce.
Other than that Dh takes himself off to our room and reads or out to the garage to tinker if the noise level gets too much. But compared to friends homes ours seems fairly quiet, we aren't a really loud family by nature.
He did used to get grumpy about it, and tried to stifle the kids when they were little, but I kept reminding him about them being normal, and his ears were the problem and his grumpiness got a lot better, headphones for him to use the computer help too.