To be really angry with ex-MIL

[AnneNonimousLetterToSanta]

Ex-MIL usually only has contact with DS through his dad on his contact days. She called me earlier this week to ask if she could take him Christmas shopping on Tuesday and I said that was fine. It would just be her, her daughter and DS.

She picked him up and said she would be back by 6, all fine, then at 20 past 6 I got a call from her daughter saying they were on their way but stuck in awful traffic. They don't turn up til 8, DS is tired and hungry to the point of hysteria, and his dad, who doesn't finish work til 7 in the area they were shopping was there too.

I asked him how come he was there, and he said he has wanted to see DS so they hadn't left shopping til 7. Ex-MIL just did a silly face and said 'yeah sorry'.

Aibu to think this is not ok and not let her have him again on her own if this is how she acts? She knew he needed dinner, and it was past his bedtime. He'd hardly eaten all day with her (she made his bottle wrong...whole other issue) so he was a nightmare by the time he got home! And she and her daughter blatantly lied to me!!

How old is DS?

9 months

YABU. What a cowbag.

How old is he? Young I'm guessing if she's making up bottles!

I don't blame you for being reluctant to agree if she asks again.

YANBU, NOT NOT! Sorry, typo. Ex-MiL is the cowbag, not you!

Why would she want to take a 9month old Christmas shopping?!

It's not the end of the world but I can understand you being annoyed.

YANBU but now you will know not trust her to have your baby unsupervised again.

YourHandInMyHand I have no idea tbh, but I wanted to encourage the bond between them. More fool me!

Indeed, most people would rather leave a 9-month-old with someone else while they shopped. A baby is not a fashion accessory to take out with you, and at that age he's hardly going to get much fun out of shopping. In other words, this about shopping was just an excuse for unscheduled access with his dad, handled in a way that would not appear to be in the baby's best interests. There is no way he should have had to wait two hours for his dinner and bed.

There's only one way you might be being unreasonable and that's if you are very restrictive on access, to the extent that the father feels he "has to" pull little tricks like this. In that case both parties ABU and you need to sort out a decent contact schedule. If this is not the case, YATotallyNBU, and ex-MIL has blown the next chance to borrow her GC on a non-contact day.

Yanbu. She lied and let a 9 month old get hungry and stay out way past his bedtime messing up his routine which is important at that age. I wouldn't let her take him out alone again if I were you, she has proven she isn't to be trusted imo.

Annie his dad sees him every weekend and knows he could have him if he had time off in the week etc but the reason he doesn't see him in the week is because he finishes work at his bedtime - so they knew exactly what they were doing!

MummytoMog ha ha I thought you were being a bit harsh! :-)

Yeah MIL is U. OP is not. Baby to little to be out late like that.

9 months?!!! i can't believe you sent him out christmas shopping. what could he possibly gain from it?

get a grip. trust your judgement on what your baby should be doing. if other family members won't behave, make it supervised access only.

In that case a resounding YANBU, and a raspberry to ex-MIL.

YANBU.

peaceandlovebunny he was getting quality time with his grandma, I knew they would be stopping for lunch etc. Should I never shop because I usually have to take DS with me?

How's the access sorted? I'd log it as an incident for others to mount up to eventually I suppose cease access. I think this is quite serious.

YANBU

YANBU, she's demonstrated that she can't be trusted to look after your DS properly. I wouldn't send my DCs out with someone I didn't trust.

LaCiccolina only an agreement between us. I don't really wish to stop contact between DS and his dad but want them to understand they can't pull stunts like this at all. Not really sure how to do that.

I'd be extremely annoyed. Your poor baby must have been extremely distressed to go 2 hours past his feed time. And they all lied. I don't think you're being unreasonable to not allow future ad hoc contact- stick to the arrangements.

No loving grandmother would deliberately make a baby wait 2 extra hours for a feed just suit the sneakiness of the adults involved.