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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed off at school for telling DD (5) about Baby Jesus?

455 replies

Kalemu · 19/12/2012 10:19

We don't want religion anywhere near our house, one of the main reasons we chose to send our DD to state school instead of a CoFE school. Imagine my surprise when she came home with a Baby Jesus picture book and singing about the Baby King. This makes me very mad - it's not like we want to keep her in a bubble, but I wanted to have told her the different religion when she was a bit older.

Thinking of writing to the headteacher to let him know our thoughts, and to demand that we're informed next time they plan to talk about religious stuff in class. Do you think AIBU?

OP posts:
exoticfruits · 21/12/2012 19:25

Have any atheists forced you to censor what your DC hear?
Why would they want to? Confused I am talking about atheists censoring what their own DCs hear.
I am very surprised that anyone can talk about death to a DC without saying
a we don't know
b some people believe....... , I believe.......... etc

I have been in the position of explaining death of a father to a 2 year old and there is no way that I would bring heaven into it or that it is 'the end'-we simply don't know. Circle of life is the best solution, bearing in mind we can't know the whole circle for sure -we can only go by the circle as we know it.

ivykaty44 · 21/12/2012 21:24

what ideas are they that atheists have - that was the question so yes why would an atheist have ideas they want to force on people with religion?

It was you exotic that said theideas was the atheist parent censoring what their dc heard and that this is extreme.

I just told my dc that death was time to say good bye.

I am not familiar with the circle of life so it may be the best solution to you but you can't decide that for everyone

exoticfruits · 21/12/2012 21:42

I never used the cycle of life-it was on here and seemed a good idea.
I thought that we were discussing OP who seems upset that someone should tell her DC one of the reasons for celebrating Christmas-she appeared to want her DC to be completely ignorant of the birth of Jesus as a general knowledge type thing.

exoticfruits · 21/12/2012 22:14

I also don't think that it is that simple IvyKaty-perhaps your DC hasn't had to contemplate it is a very personal way and having had to do it that you can get away with 'time to say goodbye' without further questions of a very probing nature. It also annoys me-it wasn't time to say goodbye-his father was still in his 20's and fit and healthy!

exoticfruits · 21/12/2012 22:15

Sorry-it doesn't make sense. I meant to say that even with a 2 year old you can't get away with a simple statement -they want to know more- especially if it is a silly statement like 'time to say goodbye' when it patently isn't.

ivykaty44 · 22/12/2012 13:16

Unfortunately my dd did experiance death at a very early age and a very close death. Yes I did have questions thrown at me but I guess she never asked me questions I needed to answer with a some people believe this or that

You may think it is a silly statement but obviously a 6 year old didn't

exexpat · 22/12/2012 13:23

I've also had to explain the death of their father to my two young children (8 and 3 at the time), and although as an atheist I basically went with the circle of life, returning to the ground/air etc explanation, I did also have to do the "some people believe..." stuff about heaven etc because of what other people were telling them.

Crouchendmumoftwo · 22/12/2012 15:27

There seems to be no getting away from religion in school. Ours go to a non religious state school but they had a nativity in a church! I didnt really mind - I quite liked it and my kids dont understand it. Apparently a Jewish mum complained she didnt like her child singing about Jesus at home etc! She went to the head to complain. However this woman was asking for a Menora to be lit in the classroom and came in to do a talk about Channukah and my son came home singing "Channukah Channukah"! Which screams of hypocrisy to me. I wonder if they will let me come in to do a talk about Athiesm! I dont mind a bit of religion 'lite' so to speak but it's all this hypocrisy that gets to me.
As my mums says: "don't sweat the small stuff".

exoticfruits · 22/12/2012 17:08

There is no such thing as a non religious state school! They are non denominational.
If DCs ask probing questions you have to give answers - and somewhere along the line you have to say that no one knows but some people think....... Or even just I think...
I did have rather a violent reaction because 'time to say goodbye' was so wrong when even the 2year old knew that it wasn't 'time to say goodbye'.

ivykaty44 · 22/12/2012 20:31

yes I can see your violent reaction to time to say goodbye as you consider it wrong and have stated that a couple of times, that is your opinion but it doesn't make it wrong or the wrong thing to say.

garlicbaubles · 22/12/2012 21:36

The fundamental ideas behind Christian funeral rites, Christmas, Easter and various other life & social events are the same as pagan/atheist/other ones. Take the trappings off and you get:
Circle of life < -> From dust were we made and to dust we return;
Winter solstice < -> New light is coming to the world;
Spring equinox < - > Resurrection of the light. Light overcomes darkness.

In my experience it's quite easy to present this to children holistically. Dissonances only arise when one set of influential adults insist their additional 'trappings' are the only right ones. Children aren't equipped to make complex philosophical judgements, they simply want reliable information. It's really not hard to give them this information, along with the basic extras they may need to understand faiths they regularly encounter. I wish more people would do it.

exoticfruits · 22/12/2012 22:01

Of course it is the wrong thing to say! Tell me why it is time to say goodbye to a fit healthy man in his 20's who has a great future, a wife and child and parents who are still alive? Would you actually tell his child it was time to say goodbye? And what are you going to answer to the WHY that follows. Unless you can give me sensible reasons I don't think it is a matter of opinion.

Seabird72 · 22/12/2012 22:04

all schools will teach about Jesus - usually only at Christmas and Easter - they also cover all other major religions and usually do something special for the children to celebrate things like Chinese New Year etc - it's all done as "fun" for the children and in no way meant to push an agenda.

exoticfruits · 22/12/2012 22:06

They do all major festivals with expanations.

exoticfruits · 22/12/2012 22:07

Sorry - explanations.

seeker · 22/12/2012 22:12

For what it's worth, I agree that "time to say goodbye" is not alwqys qppropriate. Anything which minimises people's feelings is crap, in my opinion.

exoticfruits · 22/12/2012 22:20

To be avoided like 'gone to sleep' - 'passed away' etc.

exoticfruits · 22/12/2012 22:23

I would agree with garlicbaubles- stick to facts. Anything else should be made clear that it is a matter of opinion.

garlicbaubles · 22/12/2012 22:25

Yes. And I am sorry you and your family went through that, exotic.

piprabbit · 22/12/2012 22:27

I had a great aunt who told me (as a small child) that I would get her watch when she went to sleep.
I think I thought it was like the tooth fairy and the watch would be under my pillow in the morning (we were staying with her and my GPs at the time). I can remember being very excited. I didn't have a clue that she was talking about death.
Not a single one of the 5 adults in the house explained to me what she was actually talking about, I was just very confused.

exoticfruits · 22/12/2012 22:37

The only time I have seen a counsellor was about how to explain death to a small child, because the only book I could find in the library, at the time, was great uncle Bob who was old, ill and not well known by the child. There was absolutely nothing on the young who were not ill and were central in the life of the DC. The counsellor was very definite on keeping to facts and leaving all mention of heaven - and other things that a DC could misunderstand- out of it. ( not that I would have mentioned heaven anyway)

Damash12 · 22/12/2012 23:06

You are definitely being unreasonable! I would be bloody annoyed if my son did not learn about different religions. Plus the school you chose surely had a prospectus for the year which would have given an inclination to the fact that some sort of religion was taught. And while I'm at it I do think that non Christians getting on there high horse about celebrating Christmas are bloody hypocrites! Like vegetarians wearing leather shoes and fish pie!! I think for oooh a few years now Christmas is a time of celebrating the birth of Christ and all that goes with it. JMOP... But I like it and don't care.

garlicbaubles · 22/12/2012 23:41

Like vegetarians wearing leather shoes and fish pie!!

Sorry, I've just got to share my mental image of vegetarians wearing fish pie Xmas Wink It would look best as a hat, wouldn't it?!

exoticfruits · 23/12/2012 07:08

Or a handbag!

tiredemma · 23/12/2012 07:12

Just because you choose to live in a 'religion free' household doesn't mean that the entire community around you should be 'religion free'.

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