to refuse this request?

11 replies

SlightlyConfusedAlwaysMad · 19/12/2012 00:03

My mum has looked after my dd every Friday night for 5 years so I could work. I am changing jobs in the new year which no longer involves a night.shift. My mum has requested that she now has dd on a Saturday night every week as it works better for her. I want to say no because dd is only 7 and is allowed to stay up till 10/11 pm when there and it takes a couple of days to get over her tiredness, if she was to stay over on a Saturday it would effect her behavior at school. I am considering giving her the choice of keeping it as a Friday and she can do as she likes as all ways or changing to a Sat but dd must be in bed by 9.

Mum did me a massive favor looking after dd for me and I do not want to upset her now and make her think I'm not grateful (I am) I just want what's best for dd

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Pandemoniaa · 19/12/2012 00:05

If you aren't doing night shifts any longer why does your dd have to stay overnight at your dm's every week? To be honest, I'd want to see my dcs over the weekend.

JeezyOrangePips · 19/12/2012 00:08

Could you not say that she can have her on Saturday as long as your DD is in bed by.. 8/9 whatever time you think is reasonable - for the reasons you state above.

Or maybe say she can come late on Friday, stay over and stay till nearly bedtime on Saturday?

SantaIAmSoFuckingRock · 19/12/2012 00:08

hmm, if it's been this way for 5 years then i can see why your mum wouldn't want it to stop and i guess your dd would miss it too so i would be reluctant to refuse. but i do agree you should ask her to have dd in bed by 9pm (that woul be a late night for my 7 year old) on the saturday. i think it would be unfair on them both to stop the overnights though. maybe you could make it every other weekend so you have weekend time with dd aswell.

Original poster

SlightlyConfusedAlwaysMad · 19/12/2012 00:14

Thats exactly why I don't want to stop it Santa. Dd has such a close relationship with her grandparents and they love seeing her that I an extra night is not worth the heartache it will cause everyone. It's the change of day that has thrown me, my mum can be such a touchy beggar that me putting conditions on dd staying overnight after 5 years may cause ww3.

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SantaIAmSoFuckingRock · 19/12/2012 00:17

could you maybe exagerate the effect the late night has on DD. have you already asked your mum about the earlier bedtime or are you running it by us first? does she sleep in any later the morning after the late night? or could she sleep later on the sunday and go to bed earlier on the sunday evening?

Original poster

SlightlyConfusedAlwaysMad · 19/12/2012 00:27

I'm running it by the mumsnet jury first, with such a varied group it normally gives me an idea how to proceed. My mum has had dd a couple of times on a Saturday (at her request) and an imposed bedtime request did not go down well. Dd is one of those children that wakes at the same time no matter what time she goes to bed.

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CaliforniaSucksSnowballs · 19/12/2012 00:31

My Nana had me overnight every Saturday she loved it and so did I (she lived alone, was widowed and my father was an only child so no cousins), it made for a very special bond. She let me stay up as late as I wanted, and we ate rubbish food and drank tea all day. It never hurt me, I did well at school and managed to become a nurse. Let her sleep in Sunday (we did) and off to bed earlier on Sunday night after a healthy teatime. She'll be fine.

Pandemoniaa · 19/12/2012 00:33

I think, if you are happy for your dd to stay overnight on a Saturday rather than Friday then your dm has to accept that this comes with a reasonable bedtime. Explain that a late bedtime on Saturday will cause the sort of problems on Monday that didn't apply when your dd stayed on Friday night. Buy put all this too her in tones of absolute reasonability - ie you know your dm has your dd's best interests at heart and it'd be such a shame if she was too tired to concentrate at school.

SantaIAmSoFuckingRock · 19/12/2012 00:33

i think i'd be inclined to exagerate the effect the late night has on her then.

IvanaNapAfterChristmasDinner · 19/12/2012 00:38

Agree to try it for a month then reassess? With still mentioning earlier night needed.

Original poster

SlightlyConfusedAlwaysMad · 19/12/2012 00:48

I wouldn't need to exaggerate, dd is a 12 hour girl any less than that and even dm agrees she's hard work which is why I have to pick her up early on a Saturday lol. California appart from the bedtime on a Saturday I don't interfere in dd's sleep over time, she eats sweets and chips and watches hours of tv and loves every second of it :) but sleep and bedtime is non negotiable on a Saturday as dd can not cope and her needs are obviously paramount. I think a trial period is a great idea

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