to think that one week before an overnight visit isn't too early to ask for plans to be confirmed?

[Lexiesgirl]

Maybe I'm right. Or maybe I'm being precious here!

A very old friend is staying over with me at my parents house on Christmas Eve. I don't live there, I'm just back for Christmas as my DP is working Christmas Day, she is staying over as it's more convenient than her parents house and my parents are more than happy to have her. I've just texted her to ask if she had any rough ideas yet what her plans were (I expressly said 'rough') - what time she might arrive, and whether she wants dinner. She replied "how on earth would I know that yet? I've no idea."

I replied and said I just wanted to give my parents a heads up as one, they'll be doing a shop during the week and would need to get food in - my friend is vegetarian so they'd need to make sure they have something suitable for her, otherwise we would normally have something very meaty - and two, they'll be looking after DD when my friend and I go out that night and I thought it was just polite to let them know if they were going to have to do bathtime and bedtime.

So I explained this to my friend, and she replied again with "I really don't have a clue. I'll let you know at the end of the week."

So - am I just plain odd to think it's only polite to give people more than a day or two's warning of what you are doing, or is this perfectly normal and I'm being controlling?

Also, is she very busy and tied up with work things and other stuff?
I would maybe not sweat it too much re supper - and tell your folks she can make do. Could tell the parents they will need to do bedtime, and reprieve them if they don't.

Will you only go out if she is coming, or is she likely to not come at all?
Its only more of a big deal as its Christmas Eve, really. Otherwise what's the worst that can happen?

Being busy is not an excuse for being rude. I have a stressful, full on job, and have two DCs to look after too, and I would never speak to anyone in such a rude manner except MIL who calls me at work several times a day in the lead up to any visit to her house

i would tell her a time then

my parents want to plan the meal so it is best if we go ahead without you so shall we see you at X o'clock?

my in laws are coming this year - they have form for not turning up at a sensible dinner time and then being surprised we have eaten or just saying they are not hungry and watching us eat, then they scavenge in the kitchen later, normally eating the next days food. drives me nuts

i am going hardcore this year - meals will be at set times and then the kitchen will be on lockdown!

So I have sympathy with you and your parents! especially the night before christmas!!

Hmm, I just posted on another thread about annoying people who are ungrateful, entitled and don't recognise when someone is doing them a kindness - what a spooky coincidence - it was your friend!

Hmm, I hate having to commit to times for stuff on my days off. I have a DS and week days seems to be a mad rush of getting him to school, me to work, picking him up from after school club and having to have everything planned. I can be a bit reluctant to pin down a time in advance for weekend arrangements. Maybe asking if she will be there before dinner or is after and even saying what time dinner is would help her.

Sometimes I have to admit, I am wondering why on earth people need a time for when I am doing something and have to be reminded as to why they might need to know. On the other hand, if I am relying on someone else or expecting them then I do want to know when.

Still think she could have said 'would it be alright to let you know at the end of the week?' or 'when do you need me to make a decision by?'.

Her tone is a bit off, I agree. Nor are you being controlling.

But, but, she's just kipping at your house on Xmas Eve so you can go out together (just like the old days). It's your folks house so she's transported back to being 17 when you just made arrangements on the fly.

I am just trying to see it from the point of view of a single, childless, work centred person who only has to please themselves. This is hard because the last time I did anything spontaneously was in 2003. But I reckon she's not meaning to be rude, particularly, but that it's just not that big of a deal.