Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

not to want to take MIL with us?

31 replies

rara67 · 18/12/2012 17:37

This year instead of panto we are going to cinema on Xmas Eve. DH will collect MIL on 23rd (she lives 50 miles away and wont drive here any more) and she will stay til 27th/28th. She has never been to panto with us, as it was our own tradition, just the four of us. DH wants me to invite her this year (he's on his works xmas meal tonight that's why I get to make the call). However, do I invite my mum too? We would then have to take 2 cars and it would turn into a major operation! How can I make her feel included? I dont want to do this every year, I selfishly want to do stuff with my family but I can understand where DH is coming from ie we invite her down and then go out. Any ideas please? Need to call soon before she cracks open another wine box!!

OP posts:
cantspel · 18/12/2012 17:39

Invite her

TheCortanaThatStoleChristmas · 18/12/2012 17:39

YABU. Your DH is right, awfully rude to have her to stay then go out without her. Unless your DM is expecting an invite I doubt she'd be offended that you went to a Christmas activity with a guest who was staying over Christmas.

BerryChristmas · 18/12/2012 17:39

I'd call her ask if she wants to go. A lot of older people (me included) don't actually like going to the cinema. She may say no, she's quite happy to watch TV instead.

WorraLorraTurkey · 18/12/2012 17:40

Just take her

No need to invite your Mum as well as she won't be at your house like your MIL will.

It's nice to have these little traditional things but they don't have to be set in absolute stone...and the kids might enjoy gran coming along.

cees · 18/12/2012 17:40

I don't think it would put you out that much to bring an extra car and have both mil's go to the cinema with you this once. It would be odd to leave her on her own after she just got to your house.

EndoplasmicReticulum · 18/12/2012 17:40

What are you going to watch? Is it a film that your mum / MIL will enjoy? I think if she's staying with you you should probably invite her, otherwise it will be a bit miserable for her sitting in on her own. But, if you pitch it right she may not want to come - my mum doesn't like the cinema because it's too noisy and she doesn't like the same sort of films we do. Try "we are going to see the Hobbit, it will go on for about 3 hours"

Themumsnotroastingonanopenfire · 18/12/2012 17:41

She will be staying with you in your house? And you are proposing to go on a family outing together without her? And do you mean you have gone to the panto without her before while she has been staying in your house and not invited her along? Have I got that right?
That's unforgiveably rude IMO. I've no advice on how to do it, because YABU to even consider it.

cees · 18/12/2012 17:42

Your right Berry a lot of older folks don't like the cinema but I'm sure she would be happy that you asked even if she says no thanks.

SantasENormaSnob · 18/12/2012 17:42

I would invite her.

RooibosWithMilk · 18/12/2012 17:42

I would say if she's staying with you, from her point of view it might seem a bit upsetting not to be invited to the cinema. Is your mum staying with you too? Sounds like the cinema is a break from your usual panto tradition anyway so it wouldn't necessarily have to be the same every year from now on.

WeWilsonAMerryChristmas · 18/12/2012 17:42

Of course you have to invite DMIL if she's going to be staying at your house (what are you going to do, sneak out? Xmas Wink). If your own DM isn't staying with you, then you don't have to invite her - you never have before so why start now?

BarbarianMum · 18/12/2012 17:43

Invite her. And anyone else who is staying with you.

HaveYourselfAMardyLittleXmas · 18/12/2012 17:43

It would be rude not to invite her. It's only a trip to the cinema and she would probably enjoy it. If I were the MIL and got left behind I would be well peeved that my DIL was disrespecting me so much when I was a house guest.

Dinosaurhunter · 18/12/2012 17:43

I would invite her without a thought.

HaveYourselfAMardyLittleXmas · 18/12/2012 17:44

And so what if you have to take two cars to include your own mum. It's not the end of the world.

doublecakeplease · 18/12/2012 17:45

I would ask tbh - just so its not a shock for her to be left alone but would phrase it so you're obviously offering a get-out 'we're off to the cinema Xmas eve - our mini family tradition. You'll probably relish the chance to have a quiet night inour house but thought i would let you know'

EuroShagmore · 18/12/2012 17:45

You can't have her to stay and then all bugger off out to have fun without her! That is the height of rudeness.

SarahWarahWoo · 18/12/2012 17:47

You have to invite her really....

peaceandlovebunny · 18/12/2012 17:48

if your own mum is on her own too, ask them both. or, ask mil to bring baby photos of dh, and your mum to bring baby photos of you, and compare/compete babies of a couple of bottles of something warming, while you lot go to the cinema.

ideally, you'd include them. they'll understand if you don't but they'll still be hurt.

Pandemoniaa · 18/12/2012 17:48

It would be extraordinarily rude to go to the cinema and leave a guest at home. Especially when that guest is a member of your family.

However, I can't see the need to invite your dm if she isn't staying with you. But you certainly need to ask your MIL if she'd like to come with you. I can't believe that anyone would do differently, to be honest!

HaveYourselfAMardyLittleXmas · 18/12/2012 17:49

doublecake I still think that would be rude. Why can't she be included in the tradition for once.

crunchbag · 18/12/2012 17:51

Ofcourse you should invite her, you can't just go out and leave her at home.

tunnocksteacake · 18/12/2012 17:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MerylStrop · 18/12/2012 17:56

It would be horrid not to invite her
(but you never know your luck she might say no)

Don't see why you would need to ask your mum too unless she is being high maintenance and jealous of your MIL or something in which case you have more of a problem than taking two cars out for the evening.

SugaricePlumFairy · 18/12/2012 17:59

Why the snotty last sentence need to call before she cracks open another wine box.