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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To report her to ofsted?

59 replies

PoppyPrincess · 18/12/2012 16:30

On the way home from school we popped in to the supermarket and whilst in there I saw the DSC's childminder - with no kids!
I had only seen her 2 mins before picking them up so I went outside and saw they were sat in the car. Admittedly they were with her son who is about 12 (DSC are 5 & 7).
She wasn't just rushing in for bread and milk, she had a trolly and was getting quite a bit, I hovered around for a bit and she was in there for a total of about 20 mins.
I'm sure the kids would have been perfectly fine, I'm not really concerned about there safety, especially as they were with the older boy. But she is getting paid to look after them not paid to do her shopping whilst they wait in the car. She doesn't even have any children during the day so surely she should be doing her shopping then? I just think there's no excuse for it.
I didn't say anything to her as she looks like a gobby common cow who would probably punch me if I confronted her. I rang DP and told him, he doesn't really have anything to do with her, wasn't involved in picking her and very rarely picks them up from her but he's going to mention it to ex.
From what I'm aware leaving the DC alone is a serious no no in the eyes of ofsted and I'm not sure whether its something she would lose her license for?
Things are very difficult at the mo between DP and ex so I don't want to look like I'm a trouble causer but if I was her I would definitely want to know.
Should I report her to Ofsted or should DP just tell the ex and see if she wants to report her? I think she's quite pally with her and she's quite happy leaving the kids with teens babysitting so I doubt she'll see it as a problem so I would think that she'd probably not report her. But in my eyes if she's not taking her job as a childminder very seriously then there may be other issues in her home too. And what if I don't report it and then she does it with somebody else's kids?

OP posts:

MrsDeVere · 18/12/2012 17:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PessaryPam · 18/12/2012 17:15

Worra, some people just have to interfere. It makes their otherwise dull little lives a tiny bit more exciting. And then they can come on here and wind us all up with their unseasonableness too.

cq · 18/12/2012 17:18

If I was paying a CM to look after my kids, even if she did this with other kids and not mine, I would want to know. A 12 yr old should not be responsible for someone else's kids.

Strix · 18/12/2012 17:30

If you are concerned about the wefare of the children, you should contact the children's parents and not ofsted.

I'm not sure I would get terribly excited about my 5 and 7 year old sitting in a car with a 12 year old for 20 minutes.

However, if I was the parent and youhad my childminders registration suspended you can bet I'd be damned pissed off with you. Now I am bitter because I recently experience one of ofted's (ill conceived and poorly executed) suspensions, so I'm a bit touchy on the subject.

But, really, where does this rediculous notion that ofsted comes before the parents come from????

And I'm not sure that even ofsted has a regulation on how long the children can sit in a car with a 12 year old.

So, if you really really want to upset the ex then go on, get her childminders registration pulled just in time for Christmas.

pigletmania · 18/12/2012 18:03

Yabu so your perfect then!

parakeet · 18/12/2012 18:18

I wouldn't prejudge the mum's response OP. I am happy to use teens for babysitting (ones I know well and trust) yet I would be furious if my childminder left my children in the car for 20 minutes so she could do her grocery shopping on my time.

Your partner might want to tell his ex, or report to OFSTED, or both, depending on how concerned he is about the matter. But now you've told your partner, it's up to him how to proceed.

Amytheflag · 18/12/2012 18:51

YANBU! Report report report. She might do it with other people's children who might mind and have no clue it's happening.

PolkadotCircus · 18/12/2012 18:58

Children are not supposed to be left with others out of view of the childminder unless the other person is a registered helper.I had to register my mother!!!!

Also you're supposed to carry out a risk assessment re outings,not sure leaving children in a supermarket car park unsupervised in a car would fit in with her risk assessment.

I'm only just starting to leave my 9 and 8 year old for 5 mins whilst I nip in for milk but I would never have left mindees(whatever the age) or even younger children of my own.

She has been incredibly silly and will get into trouble from Ofsted however is it worth giving her a chance and warning her first,def tell the mother.

spidermanspiderman · 18/12/2012 19:00

Yanbu, next time just call the police! This is not on. My soon to be ex sil was reported to the police for this. It is not on at all a 12 year cannot be expected to be capable of babysitting!

Strix · 18/12/2012 19:01

Oh yes, report to ofsted as first point of call and turn everyone's life upside down before you even find out how these children's parents feel about it.

If i dont approve of you chosen childcare do you think its my place to ensure it is removed? Or do you think that rhat is maybe yourchoice?

Talk to the parents before you destroy everyone's christmas.

quoteunquote · 18/12/2012 19:02

Could DP very diplomatically say to the children's mother,

"I thought you should know, that the childminder left the children in the car, I don't want to interfere, so I thought I would let you know, as you would be best placed to know if that was reasonable" and leave it at that.

the mum will know if the son is responsible enough to be left with them, at 5 and 7, they will talk to their mum a lot, constant gibber jabber, so she probably knows they stay in the car.

catgirl1976geesealaying · 18/12/2012 19:07

she looks like a gobby common cow who would probably punch me Nice

And she scares you

And yet you entrust your children to her?

Seriously?? WTAF?

PolkadotCircus · 18/12/2012 19:08

Quote under no circumstances should those children be left out of the cms view,it is simply not allowed unless said helper is registered,CRB checked,trained etc.

Her insurance could be effected and not following her risk assessments is a serious worry ie what other risk assessments and policies is she not following.Op you have to tell the mother and let her decide.

Sorry if she decides to report I have little sympathy however personally as a decent human being if my dc were fond of her and it was a 1 off thing I'd warn her before reporting.

How would others feel if a nursery did the same thing?

feelingemotional · 18/12/2012 19:08

Sounds to me like you just want to cause trouble for the dp's ex.

You have told your dp. You don't need to do anything else.

Childminders shouldn't really be leaving children in the car but I know plenty of parents wouldn't mind it happening so you have no idea if it was agreed or not.

catgirl1976geesealaying · 18/12/2012 19:08

Sorry just seen they are your DSCs and you didn't chose her

Makes more sense now

(though still not a nice way to describe someone)

SantasENormaSnob · 18/12/2012 19:20

Yanbu

Completely inappropriate for a cm to be doing this.

I would report to offsted and inform the parents.

Original poster

PoppyPrincess · 18/12/2012 19:21

Ok I've decided to leave it, DP will tell their mum and then it's up to her whether she has a problem with it. DP really isn't happy about it, he doesn't leave them in the car because ''I wouldn't leave a 50 inch plasma on the back seat so why would I leave the most valuable thing in the world to me there?''
But he wasn't responsible for them at the time so there's not much he can do other than tell their mum.

Maybe I shouldn't be scared of her but at the moment I have confidence issues, I would struggle to ask a stranger for the time, struggle to make small talk with the Mum's in the play ground so I'm hardly likely to question a woman who I have never spoken to about how she choses to look after the kids.

I can't even find her on Ofsted's website which is manking me wonder if she's even registered or maybe it's just a private arrangent between the 2 of them. Either way I'll leave that between the the 2 of them.

I've got enough of my own problems to worry about without taking on more stress so I'll forget about this.

OP posts:

Original poster

PoppyPrincess · 18/12/2012 19:23

feelingemotional honestly causing problems for the ex is the last thing I want to do, we're trying to resolve current problems not cause them. The fact that it could cause problems for her is actually one of the reasons that I won't be reporting it.

OP posts:

SantaIAmSoFuckingRock · 18/12/2012 19:27

ooh, what does a gobby common cow look like? can they fit more grass in their mouths? i bet they give their milk to dale farm dont they?

redexpat · 18/12/2012 19:44

You sya that you know a few childminders. Why dont you run it passed one of them?

Original poster

PoppyPrincess · 18/12/2012 20:13

redexpat yeh I might do although it will probably be after Xmas now before I see them as playgroup isn't open in the holidays and they're more acquaintances than friends.

I think I am going to leave it down to their mum to decide, after all I've got to see the childminder in the playground at school, don't want any trouble! Actually thinking about it maybe we shouldn't even tell their mum!

OP posts:

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 18/12/2012 20:20

Report her to OFSTED. It is irrelevant whether you pay her or not or whether they are your kids or not or whether she IS in fact a gobby cow or not. All completely irrelevant.

Report her.

fraktion · 18/12/2012 20:20

Is she definitely a childminder?

I mean I wouldn't be wild about it if it was a nanny arrangement but it would be less serious.

I tend to view it this way:
OFSTED, whether right or wrong, do not permit registered childcarers to leave children without appropriate supervision. A 12yo is not appropriate.
This is behaviour which places the children at risk.
This may be symptomatic of poor practice and therefore OFSTED should be informed.

However, I would have approached her and said 'oh I see XandY are in the car alone, has DP given permission for that because he'd never let me do it' or similar, and then told both parents.

Your personal feelings towards to woman have no place in it whatsoever.

squeakytoy · 18/12/2012 20:22

There is more chance of someone breaking into a car and stealing a plasma tv than there is of someone trying to steal 3 children you know!

anameforahouse · 18/12/2012 20:23

You should tell the mum. Witholding the information from her is not great.

What if something happened another time she left the DCs with the 12yo and it came out that you knew about it all along?

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