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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be annoyed that husband mentioned my credit card / spends with other people?

10 replies

Cabrinha · 18/12/2012 16:17

I can take it if I am - genuine question, really not sure if he's out of order, or I'm just odd!

I wanted to buy a van to convert as a camper - and husband knew I was working really hard to pay off credit card (ebaying etc) because I would "allow" myself to but it until that was done.

Things that have annoyed me:
(1) him telling my friends whilst we were talking about it that I was trying to pay off credit card. Now, there's no shame in having a cc balance, and certainly not in pushing to pay it off. But you know what? I don't want all my friends to have even that level of info about my finances unless I tell them.

(2) I got the van, and paid a ridiculous amount of money for new tyres. Eye watering. It has massive alloys, but I had hoped the tyres were low rather than illegal - I hadn't expected to buy 4 at once! His nephew came over "just heard your tyres were £££ - ouch!". I think I'm being a bit over sensitive on this one, partly cos of (1)! I just think it's my business to tell people if I want to. I don't want people making judgements about my money, what I've got, how I spend it... Tbh, I felt a bit of an idiot spending that much on tyres. Tyres, FFS!

So I kind of think IABU to (2), but not to (1).

I don't know... How would you feel about your husband telling your friends you had a credit card that needed to be paid off?

And yeah - it's very much a minor problem :0)

OP posts:
SantasNaughtySack · 18/12/2012 16:20

I'm sorry, maybe mulled wine has made me a bit fuzzy this afternoon, but I'm not sure I follow.
Are you annoyed because your friends now know you have a credit card?

Viviennemary · 18/12/2012 16:23

At first I thought he was just talking about you buying things on your credit card. Which doesn't sound that unreasonable. But it sounds as if he is discussing your borrowing and finances with others. Which isn't on. But your nephew is also in the wrong to be repeating back to you. It's nobody's business what you spend on tyres.

PumpkinPositive · 18/12/2012 16:26

How would you feel about your husband telling your friends you had a credit card that needed to be paid off?

Don't most people have a credit card(s) with a balance on it? Xmas Confused

Paiviaso · 18/12/2012 16:32

I think the answer to this is "depends." Some people don't mind talking about these things, some do.

For (2) I don't think it's out of place to tell family about the cost of some tyres.

For (1) he didn't reveal any specifics, but I could understand you don't want your friends to know you have credit card debit.

If you don't like him talking about your finances then just tell him its a bug-a-bear for you, so please don't. You like to be private.

allgoingtoshitnow · 18/12/2012 19:39

Theres no shame in having a big cc balance as many people are in the same position nowadays.

If you are in a well paid job, hes probably subtly boasting about how much van bling you can afford.

If not then he probably thinks paying daft money for tyres when you have a CC balance is a bit, well, daft.

thebody · 18/12/2012 19:43

No I get u op and I wouldn't like my dh to discuss our finances with anyone really.. It's our business.

IslaValargeone · 18/12/2012 19:45

I'd be livid if my dh discussed my finances with anyone.

Revelsarethebest · 18/12/2012 21:02

DH does this and it really pisses me off. He has a habit of telling people how much everything bloody costs!!

He also discusses with people how much his business brings in each month Shock

I brought a new car afew weeks ago and he only went an told people how much it cost. grrrr

He even told our landlord - which im guessing thinks we are made of money and may put the rent up.

YADNBU.

IneedAsockamnesty · 18/12/2012 21:12

I would hate that. Yanbu

Cabrinha · 18/12/2012 21:32

Thanks everyone for replying! Sorry to be so long coming back to thank you, I got called away.
Naturally, I'm glad to see general opinion is I'm not being totally unreasonable!
I have of course spoken to him - he didn't get the problem, but I'm hoping that he'll at least get that it's important to me. It's mainly friends I might have been quite open with myself - but that's my choice, not his,

Allgoing - not boasting at all, he's not like that - and also doesn't think it's silly, he's spent similar in the past. I didn't, FWIW intentionally choose bling expensive tyres. They're dictated by the size of the alloys on the van - I just bought it and had no idea they'd coast so much!
So one reason I personally wouldn't want everyone to know, is I don't want them to think I'm an idiot for getting stick paying do much!!

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