to feel sad that shes has cancelled our joint birthday with such a lame excuse?

[sunshineonmywindow]

There is a 3 day difference between me and my friends birthday. For the last few years we have always had a joint celebration as we have the same circle of friends and it's so close after Christmas that people can't always afford to do two celebrations so close together.

We've organised a meal at our favourite restaurant. This isn't a special or big birthday for either of us.

Got an email from my friend this morning to say she wanted to invite three other people to the meal (know all of them but not very well but wouldn't have had a problem with it as they seem lovely) so now she wants to cancel our birthday meal because she thinks these three people will feel forced into buying me a birthday presents too and that's not fair on them. And anyway our joint birthday mean "wasn't set in stone."

Firstly I wouldn't expect a present off anyone, let alone three people I hardly know. Secondly I'd hope if she felt that way she would say to them I know its a joint birthday but you don't have to get sunshine a present as well.

aibu?

Perhaps she is trying to let you down lightly, someone in her life has arranged something just for her and the "3 friends" business is just an excuse. Let it go.

Just email back saying "no need to cancel, the more the merrier, lets agree not to do any presents this year"..

I dont see the need for adult to do birthday presents between friends really, none of my social circle ever really do. We just go out for a meal and buy the birthday person a few drinks.

No, I think the clear message is - she doesn't want a joint birthday do this year.

I think she was looking for an excuse, tbh.

Hmm, I don't see why she had to cancel the meal when it involves other mutual friends, or does she mean she no longer wants to go??

If she's cancelled the meal out right she's got a fucking cheek as it's not just her. However if she's just said she's not going then that's fine.

Myself and a close friend have our birthdays a day apart. Some years I refuse to join in with joint birthday celebrations simply becuase I'd like to do something I want to do without having to take someone else's wishes into consideration.

It's up to her what she does for her birthday, I also think its just an excuse.

I don't think you're BU to be hurt by her cancelling, they are your feelings and you are entitled to them, but I think you need to accept thar she doesn't want a joint celebration this year. Sorry

Sorry, but I also think she just wants 'out' of a joint celebration, or just doesn't want it to be taken for granted that this is what's going to happen every year. She does seem to be trying to make a point without being too blunt about it.

Sorry should have said, she was the one who brought it up first and it was her idea originally.

In that case, she's being totally rude and self centred. She's obviously got a better offer and thinks she can just put you out to suit herself.

It was her idea originally, as in, several years ago?

She probably just wants to do her own thing. Don't take it personally. Organise whatever YOU want for yourself.

She's not putting OP out, she has given her several weeks notice and the OP is still free to carry on with whatever plans she's made.

someone in her life has arranged something just for her

No I don't think that's it.

She broke up with her boyfriend in May and has been single since, and she is doing something with her parents and brother already.

I took it to mean that her friend had brought up about going out together again this year and then, when it was arranged, bailed out because she wanted to do something else.

Yes but we have the same circle of friends and shes close to a lot of them so even if she was doing something with the other three friends, so would invite everyone else.

If that makes sense?

She?s looking for an excuse.
If I was you, I?d just reply back with ?Ok that?s fine I understand about your 3 other friends. I?m going to keep the booking though as I?m looking forward to celebrating my birthday there (even if it was her choice not yours) so let me know if you?re still coming.? what will she do then, not come along to your birthday celebrations? Or is she honestly expecting you to cancel celebrating your own birthday?

Keep to the plans you?ve arranged (which I?m assuming people already know about) and let her organise her own thing if she wants.

'i don't want to celebrate my birthday with you every year, you're not even a relative!' sounds so harsh - i'd guess she's trying to soften it a little.
but i have a bad feeling about it. who are the other people who are going? are they available to still go out with you, or are they off with her and the three extra friends?
i can understand not wanting to be committed to an arrangement with a friend (the very word makes my flesh creep) but my cold is making me paranoid and i'd wonder if something lay behind it.

So are you and your mutual friends still going out and she's just arranged something else with 3 different friends?

Or, has she told all your mutual friends none of you are going out and she's arranged something else with them all and not invited you?

If it was just the line about not wanting to impose on her 3 friends to buy you a present, that would be understandable, if making a slightly big deal out of it. For me the key hint is, anyway our joint birthday meal "wasn't set in stone."

Maybe she is skint and too proud to say, let's not bother. Maybe she fancies something different. You can still go, with mutual friends if they are available, and raise a glass to her in spirit; just don't try and persuade her.