To want to totally wean dd2 but not know how?

[woopdiedoo]

Dd2 is very nearly 2 and is a lovely little thing, very bright, quite forward and obviously, very much loved.

However, I am still breast feeding her, mainly for comfort and to get to sleep. We co sleep and She is still waking up several times a night and will sometimes suckle all night. Needless to say we're all exhausted. She also has the habit of nipping and pinching my boobs, I think as a comfort.

I am desperate to wean her totally but every time I try she screams and cries and will also hit me in the face out of frustration. Whilst I don't mind co sleeping, DP is adamant he wants her out of our bed and thinks we should use controlled crying in her own room but I think this will be too much for her in one go and worry that we will be creating more sleep issues for later on if she associates her bedroom with being distressed. She is a very clingy child, something which I blame myself for as I feel it is a consequence of her being in nursery a couple of times a week. She still cries every time I drop her off despite having attended for several months now. Her sister was never this clingy and was never in nursery so I feel it might be due to that?

It was never this difficult with my older 2 whom I weaned at around 2.5. Does anyone have any advice on any methods I could use or ways to help her fall asleep without breast feeding?

Sorry for the long post and TIA.

Hi, I'm also trying to wean a delightful but utterly attached to my breast area DS who is 22 months. Not having much luck, as my resolve is not so great at 5am in the morning.
RE sleep, We did some controlled crying but weren't really comfortable with it. Gradual withdrawal worked much better for us, as it really feels like you are teaching them and building trust. You can google it but you basically work out a step by step plan to get them to sleep independantly. We started by putting DS in his cot and holding his hand and comforting him until he slept. This took about 2 hours for the first week or so, but he didn't cry much. Now I hold his hand for about 5 minutes and he's asleep. The next step for me would be to sit next to the cot without holding his hand, but you work out your own plan.

No advice sorry, my 2.5 year old DD weaned very gently. I tried the "don't offer, don't refuse" method. I didn't offer, but if she asked, I didn't refuse, then after a while, I started trying to put her off a little until it was down to once or twice a week and she just kind of dropped it herself from there.
She's still clingy though, still climbs into bed with me every night at 4.5

eek! My DS3 is 4 and finally weaned him at about 2.5 by giving him a dummy. Finally got that off him about a month ago

He was very sucky but the dummy stopped him doing the little nibble feeding all night and got him into his own bed relatively quickly - about 3 weeks. I think because cutting out the night time nibbles also meant he had a decent breakfast and supper and slept better as a consequence.

However, he still loves 'boobie' and will hoick one out whenever he feels a bit vulnerable.

I couldn't do controlled crying so this was much more the gradual withdrawal thing too. I think it works better with a clingy one and completely agree with you re the seeing the bedroom as an unhappy place.

Good luck

Lookup the Dr jay Gordon method - designed for cosleeping bfers.

Ps am now on a mattress on ds' floor. He has a toddler bed that I am slowly trying to coax him in to - was going to give Dr jay Gordon but ds started going through a few times a week.

I kept asking this question at the La Leche League meetings and they would always say, gently and with love, and I'd want to punch them (gently of course )
With Ds I found he would dive on me to nurse if I sat down, so I sort of kept moving a lot, and that cut him down, last to go was when he woke after his nap, he let me get rid of before sleep easier than after. I stopped offering, and after a while I'd ask him to wait a bit and look busy, then wait till he asked again later before nursing. He eventually weaned, it took about two or three months to end fully.

I would say it will be alot easier if you cut down to say 3 feeds a day for a couple of days/ weeks then two then one. Think the feeds for sleep will be the earlier ones to be cut out.
Of course your DD will want as and when but you will have to use distractions. I weaned both mine in this way but over drawn out periods of time. (2 feeds a day for months etc).
IMHO "cold turkey" will be more difficult.

Good luck

I think you have to do one thing first - to wean and to stop co-sleeping feels like a lot to me. Can you start with getting her to sleep on her own, which will in turn cut back on the night feeding? We found The No-cry Sleep Solution very useful.

Oh and drop the nursery guilt. She goes to nursery. She's a little bit clingy. The two things aren't necessarily related. And if you're feeling guilty about nursery...it's less likely you'll follow through on weaning etc.

I agree with trying to get her to go to sleep by herself first. Ds was about 22 months when I started putting him in his cot awake. Amazingly he seemed to get it fairly quickly. I didn't use a method (and didn't let him cry) but just gradually withdrew. At first I had to hold his hand and sing. After a couple of nights I could say I was just popping to do the dishes etc.

He now goes to sleep really nicely. He still comes into our bed after a while and feeds for the rest of the night...

Hi all. Thanks so much for the advice. Was beginning to think no one would reply .

I have managed to drop her day time feeds over the last few months even though she keeps asking for it, it's just the feeding to sleep issue.

I have tried and failed a few times to get her to sleep without it but she is so distressed, she is screaming and hitting me and I don't know how to deal with that, particularly at 3am.

Ideally I would wean her first but continue to cosleep and then move her into her own bed when she is sleeping through. This is how I did it with my eldest 2. But then it wasn't this difficult with them. I gave them a cuddle instead and they just seemed to accept it but DD2 really resists.

Part of the problem is that when she is screaming she wakes everyone else up too. DP is worried he will have an accident due to sleep deprivation as he has long commutes to work.

Last night was the final straw. We're all do tired after DD was screaming and smacking me wanting a feed do none of us have slept properly and we've all been so grumpy today.

It's nice to hear that it's not just me who is struggling with this though. DP has done time off work over Xmas so I think I will have another go at night weaning then. Will look into the methods suggested, thank you .

BF night and morning and nice boring water in the night.

But then I like feeding to sleep at 9pm, just not 3am

We did a mix - slept with DS wearing a soft bra and inaccessible top and just toughed it out when ever he requested a feed. Lots of cuddles and a beaker of water. He wasn't hungry anyway

Alternatively tell your DH you need to do one step at a time and request he sleeps for a three nights with toddler while you sleep on the sofa. He doesn't have breasts so it might be a little easier but it will depend on how patient he is.

if she smacks you, can you just walk off into another room? If she wants you to stay then she mustn't hit you.

Alternatively try cuddling and soothing her but gently restraining her arms the same time.

A beaker of water is a good idea. I'll have to invest in a leak proof one though as her favourite thing is to pour and shake liquids out of her beaker.

Rudolph - I try to ignore her hitting during the day and move her away from me but its not so easy when she is doing it during the night as I'm laid right next to her. She doesn't just hit either, she will scratch and grab at me too. She gets really cross when I won't give in and feed her. She obviously just really tired and frustrated that I won't provide her with the means to get to sleep. If only a cuddle would work but that just tends to make her more angry .

She sounds v similar to my dd whose only 16 months, especially with the scratching & hitting in the middle of the night.

I definitely recommend dr jay Gordon. I read it several times before taking the plunge- printed it out and forced DP to read it too- I needed him on board with the method and not for him to say "leave her to cry" at 2am when this goes against what I believe in.

You set your 7 hours of no feeding, and go from there. Have water in a non spill beaker to hand and get used to repeating the same phrase or variations of

"no milky till the morning"
"you can have water and a cuddle"
"baby Fadbook, mummy is here for you, but you are not having milk until the morning" etc etc repeat x a zillion times! Also add singing, bed time story, stroking of hair, round the garden - anything but booby to get them to sleep!

Night one was hard, but she got it a lot quicker than I expected. By night 3 she'd worked out that bedtime milk needed to be a good feed and drained both boobs! I was confident I wasn't giving in and she bloody knew this.

We started this when DP was off work too. Just planning for it being a worser nights sleep- it ended up being not as bad as we thought.

Once you've cracked the no milk during the night, then you can begin to think about moving her to her room; perhaps move a single mattress next to her cot as a starting point? We currently have a double bed in her room but have got to the stage of dd going to bed on her own in the cot; if she wakes and I can't settle her, ill go to bed with her in her room.