To suggest 'no presents' to my mother, who finds the whole thing utterly joyless?

[StephaniePowers]

Mother just rang. She thinks she's too late to send a parcel (from Amazon not from herself, and either way she isn't) so wants to send a cheque.

I am not being ungrateful, I just don't really get any feeling from her that she's entering into the spirit of it, and we don't need a cheque.

We have this issue every single birthday and every single Christmas: what shall I get? Send links. Can you get it and I'll send the money? You don't mind wrapping it up, do you? It's been maybe 10 years of the same thing.

I just think, what IS the point? She doesn't want to give and we don't really want to receive...AIBU to tactfully try to say, maybe around March, well after Christmas, let's NOT do this any more?

YANBU - I got so tired of my DM's attitude of "oh that'll do" I asked her to knock present buying on the head. I had to be hugely grateful for any old tat she'd spent 5 seconds choosing - but woe betide me if I did that!!

I've never done it in return because I quite like giving presents! I am looking at hers right now, waiting to be wrapped up and posted.
But if I didn't have to do it...well that might be quite nice.

No, you should say something. You might begin by explaining the effect it has on you and asking her why she does it.

I don't know if I care enough to ask her to explain herself. I'm pretty indifferent really. (We're not close.)

Sure, makes sense. There are some potential benefits to you from asking the question, but of course the main reason would be to help her, which you may not want to do.

a few years back I voiced objection to my side of the family that there aeemed to be a set amount of money that everyone got on birthdays and Christmas, and what on earth was the point of just basically passing a cheque round? Anyway, for a while I stopped getting people presents and got everyone gifts (hard to buy for so not sure how much they were appreciated).

With nephews/nieces becoming older they are actively asking for vouchers, and this year I'm giving in, but it does reek of a sense of entitlement that someone asks for money, as in "I've been allocaed £x from you, and I want it in cash" so it does leave a sour taste in my mouth.

twenty years ago when i got my entire family to buy each other chocolates, it was a really good idea, saved a lot of irritation. but now we're all old and we don't like chocolate, its become a problem.

and i forget to put the point of my comment into my posts...

so tell your mother not to bother. it will probably be a great relief to her.