Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to resent having to buy presents for this "friend"...

11 replies

Mysa · 18/12/2012 10:52

Every year, for birthdays and Christmases, this person buys me LOADS of lovely, thoughtful presents - not massively expensive, just nice things that she's clearly put effort into finding and wrapping etc. The problem is, for the rest of the year we never speak to each other or see each other. She is someone I used to know reasonably well, as we moved in the same circles, but we were never actually close friends - we did exchange little gifts though, as you do with some groups of friends. Over the years, I have tried to engage with her by phoning to say thank you for the gifts, emailing, facebooking, texting, but she never responds - I don't just say 'thanks' either, I try to engage, ask her questions etc, as I assume she likes me to go to this effort! Obviously I always get her something for birthdays and Christmas, as I know she will get me loads and would feel bad not getting her anything. But I do resent having to buy presents for someone who can't be bothered to properly keep in touch - Christmas is too expensive as it is. WWYD? I am very close friends with her sister and don't want to upset either of them.

OP posts:
SoleSource · 18/12/2012 10:58

What is loads, exactky? Can you give some examples.

(method to my madness, bear with)

:)

Mysa · 18/12/2012 11:04

Ok, typical would be: an expensive bar of soap, a makeup compact (by someone like Rimmel, not high-end), a candle holder, a trinket box, some chocolate truffles and a nail varnish. That's quite a lot, right?

OP posts:
Mysa · 18/12/2012 11:05

I'm not saying it's not extremely lovely of her and I do like the stuff! But she is young and not exactly rolling in it, so why??

OP posts:
SoleSource · 18/12/2012 11:06

Ooh Yes it is. I wabted to.know incase it was.food she may have been given she did not like and passed it on.

Is she from a different culture?

Hobbitation · 18/12/2012 11:10

Just send her a message (too late for this year, but before next Christmas/birthday) to say while you have appreciated her thoughtful presents over the years you are trying to save up for ...something... and in any event you would appreciate it if you could stop buying one another presents now, as you are both adults and have most of the things you need.

Mysa · 18/12/2012 11:13

Oh how reasonable Hobbitation! That might be a good idea. But I will keep buying her sister presents so it would just look like I don't want to buy her something, won't it?

Sole no she is not from a different culture from me, both white British born and bred!

OP posts:
SoleSource · 18/12/2012 11:16

Right.

Make it clear that you are budgeting and xan only afford to buy a smaller number of peopke a gift from now on.

It is all you can do.

Mysa · 18/12/2012 11:20

I think you're probably right. If she carries on buying me stuff I am going to feel guilty - but I shouldn't, I know. People have different ideas about friendship though, don't they? To me, someone is not a friend unless we are regularly in touch and make the effort to see each other, but I know that's not the case for everyone.

OP posts:
Hobbitation · 18/12/2012 11:27

I have done as I said above with some family and friends, and now only have a present list of ten people. Plus teachers, mutter mutter

Mysa · 18/12/2012 11:30

Wow, I'm impressed Hobbitation! Did you get positive responses? Do some people still get you gifts even though you don't get them anything? I think I need to be more organised with this. Every year I can't remember which friends I usually exchange gifts with so end up buying things for some people just in case.

OP posts:
sleeplessinsuburbia · 18/12/2012 11:36

I just announced to my group of friends that as we all have dcs/mortgages etc I wasn't going to give gifts in future. They seemed relieved.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page