to not be feeling a 3 hour train journey to see ex's DM (who i don't know)?

[sparklypuddles]

i contacted ex's mother with a message containing general chit chat about 5 m/o, as ex is always useless lazy too busy when it comes to seeing or asking about her (ie. it doesnt happen) so wouldnt have been able to tell her about her GD.

I added that she was welcome to come over if she could manage at any point. she replied saying "you can come and visit with ex on 28th. will be good to meet you."

ex see's DD 2-3 hours a month max (lives 10 min bus journey away), refuses to pay any CM, and constantly messes us around - to the point of arranging about 7-8 visits and cancelling very last minute in between each every 3 week (roughly) visit.

I don't think I should have to take her 3 hours there and 3 hours back when she could come and stay with ex to see DD.

my family have come to visit rather than me dragging DD about. i wouldn't mind so much if i drove but the thought of being on a train for 6 hours overall in one day with a 5m/o who is likely to scream half the time if she's had a tiring day, with ex who likes to moan about her "behavior" whenever he see's her, is close to a nightmare in my view.

What would be a reasonable reply to her ?

So sorry, I can't afford to come and visit as Ex your son refuses to pay CM. We would love to host you here though.

Just say no. What matters is you and your baby and a 6 hour trip is not on. Just say that, and that you would love to see her when she visits your ex, but 6 hours for a baby in this cold with all the bugs and viruses about would be too much.

Thank you for your kind invitation to vist and meet you on the 28th; however at this stage I feel DD is too young for such a long train trip. We would love to meet you though, next time you are in town. Maybe send it written on a little handmade handprint card or something. maybe there's a reason ex does not keep his mother in the loop

idocrazy i assume he's told her what he knows as they do get on, its more the fact he doesnt know anything as he interupts or changes the subject if i try to tell him about her, and i gave up text updates to him after 2 months because of him not replying. it was feeling like i was harrassing him

starting to wonder if lazyness genes run in their family though... crosses fingers for DD

thank you so much for the invitation. ** is too young for such a journey. please stay in touch, and next time you are in the area, arrange to meet us.

does anyone have skype? do you? your family? does the ex's dm? i don't, but i know people find it useful.

"no thanks" Suspect she's as much of a deadbeat as him...

Too right, unless she is disabled she should visit with you.

Your ex comment's on a 5 month-old's "behaviour"?

Good grief, it wouldn't be reasonable to expect someone you've never met to undertake six hours of train travel at the busiest time of the year with just ten days' notice without a very compelling reason, even if they didn't have a five-month-old! Unless it's a very quiet line the only tickets left will be expensive ones, you'll be lucky to get a reservation, and the train will be packed. Say something like, "I'm afraid that's rather a long and expensive train journey, especially at short notice. Do you have any plans to come and visit Ex soon? We're not far away and you'd be welcome to come over," and repeat as necessary for the duration of your daughter's childhood.