Dissapointed with Xmas gift

[geologyrocks]

Hi all,

So the present was the uglyiest, cheapest, tackiest primark hangbag. Its awful.

I know how grabby this sounds, but I'm so upset at my DF. TBH the present is the tip of the iceberg after a long string of crap with him and it makes me feel like he cant be bothered.

So the backstory is: He left my DM when we (5 children) were babies..no an ouce of childsupport, moved countries, we on to have more children and then remarry again. Never any birthday/christmas gifts. Not one bit of effect

We got back in touch when we were teens, he has a new wife. She doesnt like me and my siblings, seems almost jealous of us (I dont know why) - is always putting down our looks, our partners..anything really.

We are all adults now, have our own families...he doesnt come to see the children, never calls..has zero relationship with any of them. He calls my daughter "the wierdo" because she's shy around him (she doesnt know him). So still, never any birthday cards etc says he "doesnt do birthdays" - we always got him gifts, never received anything back. This year I didnt get him anything, just a card. He puts in requests for his birthday (major birthday went by and he requested cash) but still hsi wife sent me nasty messages saying "I cant believe there is 5 of you and not one of you got him a present" - I just stated that yes I did and left it.Im raging now that I didnt ask what about the 28 years of presents that he owes me Another thing is, he is taking his 18 year old stepdaughter to new york for her birthday, its always been her dream apparently.

Anyway, I had everyone over for dinner yesterday to exchange gifts and received this bag. I know the wife does the shopping, so Im seeing it as a message really. She really doesnt like us, but what annoys me is that she put her requests in last week for gift vouchers for him knowing she was giving me a horrible present. I gave him cash and her a lovely yankee candle set.

My brother is equally disgusted at the tshirt he received that was 3xl (he's a size s) - no thought at all. Its so upsetting.

He never calls me, unless its to ask for a lend of money, he never asks abotu the children. He does call in at night time if he wants a break from work. He isnt short of cash, despite saying it alot, he's going on his 4th annual holiday next week and has just bought himself a new car.

AIBU to tell him that its obvious that I mean nothing to him and thats reflected with his gift, so not to contact me again.

YABU to care about the gift, and if he is regularly wanting to borrow money from you then what sort gift were you expecting?

As to the rest, either you care about him and want him around, or you don't and if you don't just let it all go and stop contacting him - don't have ultimatums and absolutely do not make it clear that your grabbiness is anything to do with it.

I do care about the gift though, not in a grabby way, but for instance last year he (or she rather) got me that front cover make up from boots. I did like it, she got it in the three for two range and my sisters got one too. I thpught whilst not much expense had gone into it it was something that idea like. but this year important not worth expense and thought. if you knew me and saw the bag id got. its the biggest granniest thing ever. my stepmother is young, she has a teenage daughter shed know exactly what a twenty something would like.

yes, he borrows money but then his stepdaughter has iphobes, ipads, laptops and has been dressing in designer clothes since she was 10 so its crappy money management, not that Hes broke!

I feel the stepmother is the driving force, she got him to disinvite us to the wedding.

I wouldn't be arsed with a 'man' who abandoned me, my siblings and DM when I was a baby anyway.. Not entirely sure why you all bothered to get back in touch with him as teens.

He sounds like a jerk. You know he is a jerk. He abadoned you as a child and now he is back in your life he treats you like shit, as does his jealous wife (jealous because she clearly wanted to be the one and only woman he had children with etc and you guys are a reminder that her little life isn't her idea of 'perfect'). He is loaded but you still lend him money? And what is that all about with them 'requesting' gifts? Who does that?

If I were you I would cut him off. He evidently doesn't care and just leaves you feeling like crap. He doesn't deserve any of you.

Why do you bother with him?

He's a prick.

Wife is a cock end too.

I'd say nothing and distance myself completely. Don't send anymore birthday presents or cards. If asked just say you presumed you weren't doing that seeing as he never bothers with you or your family.

Does he bring anything positive to your life at all? Why bother at all with someone like that?

You have such little history with him, his wife sounds a piece of work, please tell us this is your last effort at extending an olive branch? Love the ones you're with and those give a damn. He just isn't bothered, I'm sorry. Don't waste time hoping he'll become the Dad you dreamed of.
Honestly, you know it makes sense.

I find adults requesting particular presents especially money/vouchers very weird anyway.