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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

WIBU to tell my dad we have plans?

5 replies

KenLeeeeeeeInnaSantaHat · 17/12/2012 16:13

I posted a couple of weeks ago about my dad forgetting my eldest son's birthday, ignoring my somewhat passive aggressive email reminding him afterwards and having also forgotten my other son's birthday in the summer. Generally I hear from him by email once a month and see him once a year or so, the last time being my wedding 19 months ago. Contact from him has dwindled since he moved abroad for work & started a new relationship, though he still travels back to the UK regularly to see his parents (with whom I have little to no relationship). I offered to arrange our holiday next year to include visiting him, but he made some really feeble and transparent excuses to say no.

You get the general picture.

He emailed me earlier to say that he and his girlfriend will be passing through on their way to see his mum on the 27th and would like to pop in. I have no desire to see him. I'm still so angry that he's forgotten/ignored two of my children's birthdays and wouldn't be surprised if he did for the other two as well. My mum thinks I should take the opportunity to tell him how I feel, but I don't think he cares enough to change his behaviour (based on past confrontations where he's just gotten very defensive & angry, which has lead to us not speaking for many years). I have such a lovely Christmas planned with my mum, stepdad, brother and my own family. I just don't want it overshadowed with dreading my dad's visit and the inevitable awkwardness.

WIBU to pretend that we've made plans to visit some of DH's family and have to leave first thing and won't be back 'til late? I'm far too much of a wuss to just say that I don't want to see him!

OP posts:
peaceandlovebunny · 17/12/2012 16:16

not unreasonable at all.

WelshMaenad · 17/12/2012 16:16

I think you should do whatever you need to do to minimise your stress levels. If that involves a white lie, so be it. Or just a very all-encompassing, "no, sorry, that doesn't work for us".

Have a lovely Christmas with your nearest and dearest.

KenLeeeeeeeInnaSantaHat · 17/12/2012 16:54

Thanks. My mum is really trying to coax me into seeing him (no idea why, her opinion of him is as low as mine!), but I think I'll stick to my guns and make up some story about not being available.

OP posts:
Katisha · 17/12/2012 16:58

Sounds like your mum wants you to see him so that you can tell him a few home truths. I don't reckon Christmas is the time for this as it will just ruin it for you. Definitely tell him you have other plans.

Goldmandra · 17/12/2012 17:11

If you say you have other plans for that day you are telling the truth. Don't expand or go into any detail. "Sorry, no, we have other plans that day" covers it.

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