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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend of a friend renting for school places...

134 replies

DoodleNoo · 17/12/2012 12:47

Ive recently found out that a friend of a friend is renting her own house out and renting another house to live at, well within the very tight catchment of her preferred secondary school, in another part of our London Borough.

I don't know all the details and to be fair I do know that the family has been toying with the idea of moving away for a long time, so I could be generous and assume that they are ultimately planning to buy in the area where the preferred school is. But it still seems unfair that they are jumping the queue to this sought after school.

When I see her in the mornings, dropping her children at primary school near to their old /actual home), I feel so repulsed that I can't bring myself to speak to her.

Am I being unreasonable? I think I feel it all the more acutely as my own DD is applying to secondary school this year and we have been honest and realistic with our choices, even though there is a good chance that we might not particularly like what we end up with.

OP posts:
Original poster
DoodleNoo · 17/12/2012 13:24

Blush Interesting how unanimous this verdict is - as my local friends felt completely differently and agreed with me. I guess the thing is that this woman has narked us by effectively saying "the local schools that you all plan to send your kids to are not good enough for my boy".

Maybe I'm being naive, but I think it's still relatively unusual in this unsnobby area of outer London to rent in a certain school catchment, for the express purpose of winning a school place. My own feeling is that if you're happy to live in an area, you should be happy to send your children to school with the local population....

Will be glad when decision day is here and we can put all this angst behind us (and start worrying about the real deal of actually packing our little darlings off there!)

OP posts:
LadyWellian · 17/12/2012 13:26

MakeIt, quite, I was just going to ask where the cut-off is for 'repulsiveness'. Am I repulsive because we moved into the catchment for the secondary school we wanted when DD was in Y5? Or am I not repulsive because we still live there, as surprisingly we were able to afford a much bigger place in the area (in London) with the fantastic school than two miles away in the 'desirable' area with the distinctly dodgier state secondary provision?

OP, if your acquaintance moves back to her 'own' house the day after offers day, you may have a point. But I expect the school might have something to say about that too.

DontmindifIdo · 17/12/2012 13:26

I know several people who have done something similar, normally it's because they can't afford to buy the house they want for another couple of years, so rather than leave it and not get DCs into the school they want, if they can rent out their place and rent close to where they want to be, spend a few years saving and then do the sale and move thing they aren't losing anything.

The "only moving for 6 months" people IME don't actually move, they just rent a place, move their postal address but don't go through the hassle of clearing out their home (it's far cheaper to 'waste' £2k a month for 6 months than privately educate), as she's rented out hers, it sounds like more than a 6 month 'fake address' scam, but more of a "we can't sell and move in time, so let's do this now rather than risk completing a week too late to get DCs into that school and move in the future"

Would you think it as less 'fake' if she moved her DCs to a primary school in that area too?

Labootin · 17/12/2012 13:26

I own a house in the catchment area of an outstanding school. Every tenant has been there for a year (strangely all have had year six children... Who would have thunk it) Every tenant has asked for a six month tenancy (and been refused) I'd actually prefer to rent to a long term tenant but what ho I'm just a bastard landlord

Feel free to throw buns at me but that's the system.

BiBiBroccoli · 17/12/2012 13:27

Should she have checked with you before she moved house? You know, just to make sure you were ok with their plans?

I think you are being a bit nuts about this. People move to be nearer good schools all the time, it's as good a reason as any to move house. Whether they sold the old house or not is neither here nor there. There could be a million reasons why they are renting and not selling/buying.

If this repulses you I think you need to get some perspective.

scarletforyaOfficialXmasGRINCH · 17/12/2012 13:28

YABVU

She's gone to a lot of effort so more power to her I say. She's got an address in the area. Simple as that. She qualifies, so it is fair.

Jealousy is a waste of emotion OP. Don't compare yourself to others, it's undignified. Cut your cloth according to your own means and let others do the same.

AfterEightMintyy · 17/12/2012 13:29

Schools are getting wise to it now.

ISayHolmes · 17/12/2012 13:29

Please bear in mind that she is just one person with one preference for another school: her choices don't diminish the schools your son may go to in the future. Try to not let it upset you too much. Like you say, it's a lot of angst, and it sounds like some of it is being unfairly aimed at her.

AfterEightMintyy · 17/12/2012 13:30

I'd love to see everyone being so sanguine about it if it was skewing the schools admissions system in their area.

DialsMavis · 17/12/2012 13:30

Where I live in London if you move back out of the catchment area then you can lose the school place, no idea if they ever implement that though.

LadyWellian · 17/12/2012 13:30

scarlet she's got an address in the area and she lives at it with her family - that's the real key here.

DontmindifIdo · 17/12/2012 13:32

doodlenoodle - but it doesn't seem she wants to live in the area either.

If she was planning on moving in say 2 years time, it would make more sense to move the DCs now rather than wait until then and have her DCs in the school near you but them living in the new area. Renting just means you can do it quickly.

I can see, however, you'd find it upsetting that she's rejecting the area you live in (and the schools), but don't take it personally. Unless you live in a super posh area, wherever you live, some people won't actually like it and won't feel like part of the community. That's not to say there's actually anything wrong with it, it's just not for them.

PurpleCrutches · 17/12/2012 13:33

You don't know that she's moved just for that reason, though. There may be other factors in her move that you know nothing about.

DontmindifIdo · 17/12/2012 13:36

BTW - if this upsets you, wait until the rumours about who's going private start, at least this woman isnt planning on living in your community.

PoppyPrincess · 17/12/2012 13:36

YABU.
Do you know that the school is the only reason she has moved? We want to move to a nicer area, bigger house but as we have lost all the equity in our house due to the housing market we have no deposit to buy somewhere else, this is a fairly common situation for people at the moment so that's more likely to be the reason rather than it just being because she wants to get a place at that school. Maybe the school was a swaying factor but I doubt it is the only one.
Sounds a touch like sour grapes to me

Idocrazythings · 17/12/2012 13:37

I think it just highlights how ridiculous the UK education system is? our closest schools around here are either catholic or outstanding and I have no chance of getting DC in them for a few years so have to send them further down the road.

DeWe · 17/12/2012 13:38

It depends. You have two possibilities here.

  1. She is intending to buy in the area, and hasn't found the house she wants, but will move when she can to somewhere where she would have still got in.
I think admissions would look dubiously on that, but I think it's reasonable.
  1. Once she's heard they've got in, her interest in buying in the area will suddenly disappear, and she will move back to her own house and tell people "we just couldn't find the right place", but never really seriously looked.
In this she has a problem if someone shops her, even after she has started at school, then they could lose their school place and be left with whatever has spaces.

If you think it's the second possibility, you could mention to her that she could be in a situation with no school. However, she'll probably suspect you of shopping her if someone else does.

Chubfuddler · 17/12/2012 13:38

Wind your neck in.

Lots of people are letting their house and renting another in this housing market. She's doing nothing wrong.

Mandy21 · 17/12/2012 13:44

It sounds as if its not the fact that she's played the system which is annoying you, but the implication that the school you're willing to send your child to isn't good enough for her child?

In my area (massively oversubcribed schools) there is a requirement to have proof of residence and if you're renting (having moved into the catchment area), you also have to be able to demonstrate disposal of your previous property - I imagine to try to stop people getting places and then moving back to their old property.

giveitago · 17/12/2012 13:47

Hey she's renting a property in the catchment area.Is that less meaningful than being an owner occupier of a property in the area.

I'll probably do the same myself nearer the time as we're not in the catchment area of any non selective (by that I mean non religious) school.

Renters have a definate advantage here and I'd say - go for it (even though I'm not a renter).

wewereherefirst · 17/12/2012 13:49

So it's jealousy that she wants to send her DC to a school that is suitable for them rather than your bitter clique.

I couldn't give a hoot what school my friends send their DC's to. As long as they're happy with their choices, get over it.

VestaCurry · 17/12/2012 13:59

YABU

Using the word 'repulsed' in this context is an extreme over-reaction.

Paedophiles and rapists repulse me.

DontmindifIdo · 17/12/2012 14:05

I agree with Poppy - it probably isn't the only reason for them moving, but it might have focussed the mind on the timing of the move (I know a lot of people with 3 year olds who have put their houses on the market now so they will be in a new house in time for school applications, for most of them their family probably wouldn't have moved this year if they had DCs a year younger, but if you are thinking of doing it, it makes sense to do so in time to get them in the school close to your new area)

WileywithSageStuffing · 17/12/2012 14:12

I guess the thing is that this woman has narked us by effectively saying "the local schools that you all plan to send your kids to are not good enough for my boy".

I hate that attitude. I moved my daughter out of our village school for a variety of reasons, none of which I disclosed other than "she was not happy there".

Some of my "friends" stopped talking to me as they felt like you.
That was sad as that is not I felt - it just was the right place for her.

It seems like that's the crux of it really for you - perhaps you're insecure about your own choices, perhaps you don't really want your child to go to your local secondary school - I don't know.

I get the feeling that the thought of her "cheating the system" isn't really the reason you find her actions so awful.

WileywithSageStuffing · 17/12/2012 14:13

Ahhhh so many auto corrects!

  • wasn't how I felt
  • wasn't the right place