Probably too late for this year, but I'm thinking ahead..
I have a number of old friends who are former neighbours, and we all keep in touch on a fairly sporadic basis. For many years there has been a tacit agreement that we don't buy Christmas presents for each other, but do buy for the children. Since we're all now pretty scattered, this means posting everything.
I've had a very very stressful few months, during which time I've been holding down a job which is threatened with redundancy, caring for my Mum who has terminal cancer, trying to manage all the well-wishers who want to see her, on top of the usual stuff that having a job, a mortgage, a tenant who doesn't pay their council tax and a toddler DD brings with it. My friends know about this, and while some have been brilliant, I haven't heard a peep from the others all year, even in reply to the kind of 'hi, how are you? Can we meet up soon?' emails in addition to the 'sadly the diagnosis was not the one we had hoped for' one.
This makes me feel a bit of a fraud while I wrap their DCs' presents and send them off in the post, as I've not seen their DCs much this year, don't know whether they'll like the presents anyway, and we're unlikely to get as much as a card from them.
The conundrum is that I feel a little guilty about stopping giving because there's no reciprocal communication - it's not their DCs' fault that they haven't been in touch or don't send acknowledgements that they got the presents (they didn't in previous years). However, it's a pressure I don't need, don't get any pleasure out of it and I'm sorely tempted to say 'We've been really touched by the generosity of our friends over the last few years. However, we know that DD has everything she needs and we would really prefer to give donations to the hospice that is caring for her grandma rather than spend a lot of money on Christmas this year. We'll still send cards and DD loves receiving them too!'
Can't figure out whether this would sound really petty and crap if I said it next year, or if it would be reasonable under the circumstances?