to wonder why we stress?

[MrsKeithRichards]

We as in people, about Christmas.

Now I'm laid back, horizontally so, and I'm getting my knickers in a twist because I've not gutted ds's room yet. I know this time next week I'll be stressing if everything isn't perfect. And why? It's one day, spent with people I love. Sure I want things nice but is it worth stressing about?

I'm chatting to mums at school getting worked up over things, seen threads here about it but why?

Lets eat, drink and relax!

2 weeks at my mums! now that is worth stressing over!

And why does the stress not diminish anyway?

Imagine years ago, probably people were thinking, Oh if only there were some magical way I could buy all my presents while sitting in my pajamas at home and some little elf would deliver them to my door already wrapped. Then I'd never stress at Christmas!

Or -- if only the corner shop would deliver everything I need for my Christmas dinner, I'd never stress at Christmas!

Why are we still stressing when things are so much easier now?

Christmas is only a week away and I have not bought one single present yet. Plan to do it on Saturday. I did my big food shop last week and still missed loads of things, need to do another shop, will probably be Saturday or when i can be botherd.

I am not stressed at all. Was talking to DP about it today. We are due to have DC4 on Christmas Day so I have spent months stressing and flapping about buying baby stuff and make sure we have everything ready on time that I am all flapped out! I dont have any stress left.

I might not even be at home on Christmas Day, no point in stressing about something I cant plan!

We just find new ways to stress (such as the need to do your turkey some tv chef's way and make the perfect home made everything else).

And oh feck I've just remembered I need to give the fridge a spring clean before we do the Christmas food shop

Am not helping here am I?

I don´t stress either tbh.

Everything will be remembered or not.

Was going to get the house organised this week.

But husband is off from tomorrow.

So I guess that´s when my holiday starts too

It's psychological I think, rather than practical necessity.

It's taken me a long time to realise that my actions cannot make others happy, it's up to them to do that for themselves. It's also unreasonable for other adults to expect me to make them happy by running around, facilitating their perfect Christmas.

I think if you genuinely want to do everything homemade, precision planned and completely thought out then brilliant. But if you don't, it doesn't effect your worth as a person or that you are to blame if others don't have a magical Xmas.

Ha. I lose a lot of sleep over Christmas. I put major pressure on myself to make it 'perfect' and then just when I think i'm all done i'll watch a Christmas programme and see something else that i'd like to make/bake. Its insane the amount of pressure I put on myself. I want my kids (who are way too young to even understand) to have a 'perfect' and traditional Christmas like the movies.. My Christmases as a kid were crap so i'm trying to make up for it now.

I think it's such a shame that so many women in particular find Christmas so stressful. Surely that's not what it should be about. I had ten people over for Christmas last year (all family) and MIL kept asking if I was stressed, if I could manage etc etc. She confided that one Christmas, years ago, her DH had to call the doctor out to the house as she was so stressed. And that was just catering for her own children and mother in law. I can't see what there is to be stressed about - put up decorations, buy lots of food and some pressies, sorted. I didn't feel stressed at all, even though we were catering for a pretty large group. It was just a good laugh. It's not as if someone is going to spit their dummy and complain it's not good enough - and if they did then I'd just boot them out the door!

I do like Christmas but really it's the same as normal Sunday - lots of food, chilling in front of the tv, maybe a walk, with some presents thrown in. It's not like you have to put on a show or anything.

I stress.

I'm currently at work, stressed stupid because all my clients want stuff done before Christmas, and I have to manage their expectations and explain it just isn't going to happen.

And then I've got all the school stuff, which is lovely, but it's something different every day.

And then I've got all the shopping to do, presents to wrap, cards to write etc.

And then manage all the phonecalls from my mum and MIL saying that they're "just at the shops, what does xxx want?"

And then I've got to travel 6 hours to a wedding on the 22nd, and home again on the 23rd, ready to host Christmas from the 24th.

So, yes, I am bloody stressed.

DH just says, just leave it. Leave what??? The food shop? The washing, so the dcs actually have clothes for the week, and the inlaws have bedding?

I am in the verge of screaming!!!

Sitting - is your DH doing any of it?

This year, I am trying my utmost to not get stressed (there's enough going on elsewhere in my life for that).

I have tried, over the years, to organise Christmas in advance so that I have less stress. I am getting better at letting the small stuff go.

So I write my cards if I have any plane journeys to take between Sept/Oct and Christmas. I shop the sales all year. I started wrapping this year in mid-Nov and sent a lot of the present for both DH and my families so that we aren't under pressure to visit NOW, IMMEDIATELY, AT ONCE as soon as Christmas Day is done. And I put my foot down that we weren't travelling for Christmas this year (I couldn't rent a house independently of both families and that is necessary at Christmas even if not at other times - between Christmas itself and needing a retreat, and trying to avoid having Mum and MIL at each other's throats over who is hosting DD's birthday on 26th...).

I have ignored the plan to clean the house top to bottom. I've done bits and pieces, but don't have time for a proper job of it.

Dinner will be whatever is left in M&S on Christmas Eve morning (I have to go to town to show my face at work anyway) - we're reasonably laid back about that anyway. I don't know what we'll do for other meals really - although I will also be using M&S to make sure I have a cake for DD (I'd love to bake it, but I am slowly coming to know my limits - I may bake 1 for her party for friends in early Jan).

And we may actually have a relatively relaxed day after all as DH's aunt is away (1 visit straight after mass) and my aunt is also away (1 visit after we get home from other visits and turn on turkey). So we only have Mass and then 1 visit to make, before retreating to a quiet afternoon at home unwinding (hopefully over a bottle of bubbles and a warm cosy fire!!).

I am not stressed about Christmas itself but this run up is killing me - 4dc in various things and a dh away Mon-Fri is testing my powers if organisation!

For example, dd1 announced this morning at 8am that she is singing in a concert at school and do I want a ticket? The concert is tonight at 6.30! Fortunately I have managed to find a babysitter.

Likewise yesterday as I was telling ds1 that we would make his mirror costume that afternoon for Thursday's play, he informed me he needs to be a clock...

I am determined not to be stressed this year, I usually set myself ridiculous tasks like cleaning the whole house thoroughly scrubbing kitchen units and cleaning the oven. This year I have shopped mainly online, have two food deliveries coming this week, one of which is for 23rd with everything i need for the hols, Chicken arriving from the farm on friday, wine, gin etc coming Thursday. All cards out last week, all presents wrapped, just stockings to assemble. small buffet planned for friends coming on Friday night, and meals for the rest of the week planned. So as long as I don't start stressing over cleaningg things are all organised. me and ds2 make mince pies, choc marshmallows and ice the cake on xmas eve. Can't wait

Cailin - DH is helping, but he is at work and is out of the house 7am to 8pm most days. He's out every evening this week, and is working Christmas Eve. And he was working abroad all of last week.

I'm actually more on top of it than I think. It's just I've been chipping away at it every day for weeks, so it's hard to see the whole picture. It's not the day itself, it's the run up that is stressful.

I think it's because we convince ourselves (wrongly) that we'll only truly be able to relax if we know that Everything That Needs Doing Has Been Done. Ergo we feel virtuous and "justified" for flopping on the settee with a belly full of turkey or whatnot with one hand holding a ginormous glass of wine and the other rummaging for that last After Eight that simply MUST be in there amongst all the empty black sleeves that we couldn't be arsed to take out.

I've forgot the reindeer food.

I stress because I'm a perfectionist and I want Christmas to be amazing for everyone. I've got quite a sense of occasion and love all the ritual, the little family traditions, the details that people do genuinely appreciate. So the flipside of all that is that it can be a bit stressful to remmber / arrange everything I want. It's worth it, though.

"I've forgot the reindeer food. "

Just bung 'em a carrot. Or a biscuit. Or whatever you have in

Or mix porridge oats with glitter and tie in a little food bag with that curly tying ribbon.

Oh dear, just realised this thread (and the vegge CHristmas dinner thread!) are starting to bring out the Christmas-zilla in me!

Reindeer food?
What wrong with a ruddy carrot??!
It's Xmas, not the Normandy landings!
My mum and ds2 are really poorly ATM so my Xmas plans are buggered to buggery but hey, that's life.
Hopefully we will all be ok by next week but if not then we will just have to do the best we can.
Cards gone, present done, just need to hand deliver a few more cards and do the food shop.
And if I forget anything then we will do without.

The key is to avoid all advertising. Don't read any magazines about the p***t Christmas, fast forward or pause the ads, don't go to the shops, just order online. The ad men play on your anxiety to make you think it's got to be perfect.

I wrote down what to do food wise years ago and put it in the front of my Delia Xmas. It's like groundhog day in my house, I can do it when im tanked up on champagne with my eyes closed.

It's all subjective though, the 'perfect' Christmas. Mine is a stress free one. Someone else's might be a skiing holiday or a Scottish lodge or a Victorian style banquet or a massive family get together or a trip to Barbados or, or, or.

The worst part of Xmas for me was watching everyone get more and more stressed trying to make the 'perfect' christmas and trying to pass the blame around when it wasn't perfect as nothing can ever be.