to think I'm not a stalker?!

[violetpurplerain]

Been trying to get in touch with ex partner for the last 3 weeks.

So I've called and text quite a few times (more than I probably should have). But he knows there is a genuine reason I'm trying to get in touch with him.

It wasn't constant, every few days I would try and call etc.

Anyway I find out today that he's said I was stalker.

I'm quite hurt by this comment.

Yes aibu to have tried to get into contact with him etc.

But aibu to think I shouldn't be labelled a stalker.

I definitely do not hide outside his house and watch him through the windows, 'magically' turn up to places I know he'll be, or show up at his work place, send him gifts, talk to his friends etc.

Do you need to tell him any of the following:

• you are pregnant by him?
• you have an STD that may have been passed to/from him?
• he owes you money?
• you owe him money?
• you are looking after his puppy/ ipad/ hamster/ apartment in Spain/ collection of Star Wars figures/ little sister and you need to inform him of illness, theft or damage?

If the answer to any of these is yes then YANBU.
If not, then you have been perhaps a little over persistant.

I'd take the hint - sorry.

I agree that you need to tell us the reason why you are trying to contact him but overall I thnk I would just take the hint and leave him alone.

I'm not sure whether to hide the thread because I can't add anything or hang on and wait for the Big Reveal

I'm posting so I'm going to have to hand on aren't I?

Personally I think that's an insane amount of attempts to contact someone and although "stalker" is a bit harsh, it's not on to harass someone to this extent (barring, of course, a serious issue.)
How long were you together for?

How would you define repeated unwanted contact?

I know what I would call it.

It is clear he doesn't want to speak to you, regardless of the reason, yet you kept calling, so you were being a bit stalkerish IMO.

FWIW the definition of stalking includes "contacting or attempting to contact a person by any means, this may be through friends, family...technology". Repeated phone calls would come under using technology.

Link to CPS page here here

So whilst you may not view repeated phone calls as stalking - he isn't actually wrong to deem them as such.

Whatever the reason you want to contact him, have you told him what it is? If you have just left messages telling him to call you without being specific, then you are being stalkerish. If it is something important (a problem with DC you have by him, you are being chased for a debt he owes, or he owes you money) and you have informed him of what's going on in a message, then he obviously doesn't think it's important enough to override his desire to have no contact with you.

So do not attempt to contact him again. If it is a case of debt collectors chasing you for a debt he owes, give them his address/phone number. If it's because he owes you money, he's either not got it or doesn't intend to repay it - is it a large enough sum to merit legal action?