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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I just being over sensitive

18 replies

Louboo2245 · 16/12/2012 16:34

DH and I went to a friends Christmas party last night and everyone was commenting on my Dh's recent weight loss (4 stones in 4 months, he is now a skinny minnie). I on the other hand am still my fat little self, though becoming less and less happy with it.

The host (who was pissed) commented on how we (as a couple) demonstrated the 2 ideals of life. My DH wasn't happy with himself and changed and I just embrace who I am and eat what I like.

Now, I know it was an innocent comment, but I am really down at the minute and have taken all of this to heart and feel crap. In the past I have tried to lose weight but failed miserably, so felt it was a bit unfair to say i embrace the way I am.

Do I just need to let it go, not that I would do anything anyway

OP posts:
bradywasmyfavouritewiseman · 16/12/2012 16:38

But he doesn't know you are miserable. And he was drunk.

I get it made you feel a bit crap, but forget it and move.
If you are really that unhappy you need to do something. Even if its a 15 min walk a day or snacking less.

Tryharder · 16/12/2012 16:39

How rude! YANBU.

QuacksForDoughnuts · 16/12/2012 16:52

YANBU to be upset but there's every chance he didn't do it on purpose. People do have odd ideas about this. My gran once said, completely without malice, that it was ok for her to be fat because she had a fat husband but right for my mum/her daughter to go on a diet because she had a thin husband. The fact that she would never snipe at her children on purpose doesn't make it a more acceptable thing to say!

LauriesFairyonthetreeeatsCake · 16/12/2012 16:58

I thought what he said was quite nice Confused

He was saying you embraced who you are but dh wasn't happy with himself. YOU are the. 'ideal' in that conversation

notnowImreading · 16/12/2012 17:01

It's a shame you were upset, because what your friend said sounds lovely to me. He clearly really admires you both and wanted to say something nice. He called you an 'ideal of life' - that's a pretty good thing. I can see why you were hurt because you've explained how you felt on the inside. You must communicate more confidence than you think for your friend to see you as 'embracing who you are'.

Original poster
Louboo2245 · 16/12/2012 17:04

I don't think he was doing it to be malicious, not in the slightest. Just I am not in a good place and I am wondering if I want to be that person and anymore and is it peoples preconceptions keeping me from being more like DH and changing what I don't like?

OP posts:
LetsFaceThePresentsTheyrePants · 16/12/2012 17:05

Tbh - yes you are. He wasn't to know you're unhappy as he isn't a mind reader.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 16/12/2012 17:07

No, it's not people's preconceptions that keep you from changing what you don't like about yourself. You are the only person that can do that.

You are being over sensitive, but only because of the way you already feel.

bradywasmyfavouritewiseman · 16/12/2012 17:10

OP People are not keeping you from changing.

Say you were very happy with you figure at the moment, that doesn't mean that next month that won't change and you want to lose weight.

I have long hair in the new year I may fancy a crop. People who are comfortable with who they are still change.

You are the only person who can lose the weight. It sounds like you are looking for reasons that you can't.

McChristmasPants2012 · 16/12/2012 17:19

could your husband help you with weight loss.

you are the only one who can lose the weight if you want to loose the weight.

my friend even after loosing 8 stone is more unhappy now as in her words she needs a tummy tuck to get rid of the apron of fat she has lost.

Booboostoo · 16/12/2012 17:19

I also think he was trying to be nice. If people were focusing attention on your DH's weight loss your friend may well have been trying to make sure you didn't feel criticised for not also having lost weight. Saying that someone is happy and confident with who they are sounds like a positive thing.

I appreciate you were upset by it and you can't help that, but I am not sure it was his fault.

Original poster
Louboo2245 · 16/12/2012 17:20

You are right and I know this. Just can't seem to get a grip

OP posts:
Ifyoulike · 16/12/2012 17:38

I'm sorry for the way you're feeling OP.

For what its worth (as someone who's struggled with weight issues my whole life), I know why the comment would be niggling at me in that situation.

a) I'd feel a sense of doom that not only had the people around me somehow labelled/identified me as being 'an overweight person' and that felt scary and permanent in some way, made worse by the fact that they seemed happy about it and not trying to change it (making it somehow feel like a done deal).

b) I'd feel sad and cut off from everyone somehow, like I was somehow distant and not understood by them because they didn't realise how I was really feeling on the inside, and had fallen for some sort of illusion 'pretend-me'.

c) I'd feel scared and annoyed with myself for still being in this position, and still not having changed it (despite wanting to), and fearful about finding the way out.

Now these are literally just my thought-splashes as they occur (uncensored), so may come across insensitive or immature, but I hope they help for the honesty that they are. Thats how I would feel in your situation, and have felt in many other similar situations.

I'm at the cusp of trying to figure out again what I can seriously do about my own weight issues, so I wholly empathise and wish you very heartfelt good luck with however you choose to proceed.

MrsMelons · 16/12/2012 19:52

I find it very difficult when people talk about my weight so I absolutely understand. I used to be bulimic and not that many people know (a few close friends thats all and probably my mum but she never has spoken about it)

It doesn't matter what people say - it can be positive and I will find a way to take it negatively. I recently put on a bit of weight due to an injury so no exercise but have now lost exactly 1 stone as of today. I am at my target weight but now I look how I want to the anxiety is coming back about eating lots at xmas and I have even arranged a meeting this week so I don't have to go to my work lunch as it is a 3 course meal.

I really wish people would not discuss peoples weight in front of them either about someone being thin or someone being a bit overweight - there is no way of knowing how someone will feel about their comments!

peaceandlovebunny · 16/12/2012 19:54

christmas is a wonderful time for the overweight (like me). if you stick to the meat and lovely vegetables and minimise the desserts, you lose weight rather than gaining. don't have alcohol, stick to fizzy water.
and in january, sign up for a diet club. good luck.

MrsMelons · 16/12/2012 20:18

Peace that does sound like a good idea! I am planning to go for a run every other day so that will hopefully help!

Original poster
Louboo2245 · 16/12/2012 20:34

I have always been fat, as have my parents and up until going to Uni so was my sister, and now is the first time I have felt uncomfortable with my weight. I have always felt pretty and sexy, but since having my DD I seem to have lost that feeling and am constantly comparing myself to other (much thinner people) I know there is only I who can do something about it, I just need to get off my arse and do it!

OP posts:
barbie007 · 16/12/2012 20:42

I don't think he was being mean, he was probably a bit drunk and thought he was being wise and meaningful!

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