to think my best friend is taking the piss rather?

[VoiceofUnreason]

My best friend and I went on holiday in September. I'd never been abroad (hate flying) so it was a big deal. Was really glad she said she'd come with me and, as a result I said I would like to pay a bit of the costs (a bit of her holiday cost, the airport parking and a few other bits and bobs).

She earns a few thousand more than me but in other ways I am slightly better off (she rents, I own and my mortgage is less than her rent and she owes her parents some money for helping her buy a new car when hers died). I said she didn't need to pay me back immediately and meant it, especially as Xmas was on the way. She paid me back £100 in Sept, £200 in Oct and £125 in November. There's only £100 left.

Now, I meant what I said about no rush and I wouldn't normally mind if I didn't get the rest back next year, but two weeks ago she went away for a weekend with some friends which I know cost around £200 and she's just booked a ski holiday with friends costing £750 and is off shopping for holiday things today.

I just think if you can afford to do that, you can afford to pay your friend back and possibly ought to pay your debts before booking TWO more holidays. It comes across as taking the piss.

I think you should have agreed a Repayment plan if you were concerned at how quickly she should pay you back.
How do you know she's not planning to give you 100 in Dec?
She's paid you back a substantial sum pretty quickly, I don't think she's taking the piss

Is there any chance that the holiday with you was an extra unplanned holiday, whereas the others are things she usually does? If, going with you might have been stretching her carefully planned budget?

I generally think, if you offer to lend/give somebody money, it does not give you a right to judge/comment on what they spend money on.

Have you asked her for it back this month? Did you discuss repayments before?

what - because she told me in November she wouldn't be able to afford to pay it back until at least February because things were tight. Two weeks later she booked the weekend away and last week she booked the ski holiday, neither of which were planned. She was mad keen to go on holiday with me because she hadn't been on holiday for a couple of years.

gold - i know, I shouldn't really judge what she spends her money on. I just think when someone tells you things are tight and then they can come up with over £1000 just like that, it seems a bit of a cheek. I know I wouldn't do it and I guess I unreasonably think she should behave like me!

I know, IABU!

Yes, I think she's taking the piss - her debt to you should be paid before booking another holiday. Tell her you've had some unexpected costs (your car needs work done or something) and need the £100 before Christmas. Then never lend money to friends again. Any future holidays ensure you both/all pay upfront before going.

Yabu.

You lent her the money through kindness and also the fact you got something out of it (nice holiday accompanied by your best friend). She has done very well paying you back so far and so soon too so be thankful for that. She could have just not paid you any of it back yet and be fobbing you off.

You can't lend someone money and then sit there dictating what they spend because how dare they have a life when they owe you money, they should have thought of you first. You can't be desperate if you said to her don't worry about paying it back so she isn't royally taking the piss leaving you without money you need.

This is why I rarely ever borrow from people, if I do its £20 from my mum which I pay back a few days later. I cba with the politics attached too it all. I'd just be paranoid about buying anything incase the person (like you do) had an issue with it. Just argh.

soft - generally I don't lend money and if I never got the £100 back I'd cope. I guess it's a sort of principle type of thing really.

If you don't care how quickly she pays you back, then you shouldn't care what she does with the money when she has it.

This is why you should never lend money to friends and family. It always ends in tears (as I've learnt). The lender turns into a hawk eye, noting down every expenditure and stalking out items online to see how much they cost the lendee. Hmph. Bad times.

I know, as I said, IABU. I didn't know when we went away she still owed her parents £2000 too. I don't think I'd feel right about going on so many holidays if I owed that to my parents (sod my measly £100). I think she's definitely being cheeky to them.

So she said she couldn't pay you back till february, yet she's paid back all of it, bar 100 quid..
Surely you should be happy that you've got it back loads earlier than when she said?
Are you sure it's not sour grapes that you haven't been invited on these other hols?!

YABU

Do you know if she has paid for the extra holidays or did someone else pay for her?
If she is your best friend, then when you next see her and she talks about her trips again( I presume she told you about her holiday plans) then just say " oh excellent, you can pay me back now then, I'm so glad not to have to wait, I'm a bit short" I assume she will also have a stash of spending money?

If you weren't too fussed when you got the money back, maybe she budgeted the holidays and you got to wait. It might seem fair to her if you didn't seem to mind waiting til feb anyhow.

And this is why I never lend money anymore because this kind of situation really pisses me off.
I personally would pay back any money I owe before booking another holiday. I've had it loads of times in the past where people claim that they can't afford to pay money back but then are going on nights out, buying new clothes etc so clearly some people don't view debt to a friend as a financial priority.
I don't think you are BU to be pissed off but I think you should probably just not be so kind in future and if you do agree to lend money you should maybe say that you'll need it back by X date, if they don't pay it back by that date then you've got a right to say something if they don't repay by that date but unfortunately you said there was no rush so it probably wouldn't go down well if you now have a whinge at her.

shay- no, she said she would pay the whole amount by the end of the year when the holiday was booked back in August. It was last month she said she wouldn't be able to pay the last £100 until February because "things were tight". But not tight enough to find the money for two more holidays after that.

lavender - for our holiday, I did it online and put it on my card. I gather for the skiing, one of the group paid but she gave them the money up front. She's gone off shopping for stuff for it today. Both the weekend away and skiing trip have been last minute.

poppy - i wouldn't whinge to her, our friendship is more important (but I think we're all allowed to whinge internally, even if we're unreasonable )