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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder if MIL thinks I am not good enough for her DS? anyone else feel like this?

15 replies

MoomieAndFreddie · 15/12/2012 13:01

have posted about her before, re her attitude towards my DS from a prev relationship compared to mine and DHs DD

we are visiting her today and i feel sick at the thought of it. have spent an hour doing my hair and make up - i always do this, i feel i have to look my best when i see her Hmm luckily she lives 30 miles away so visits are mercifully infrequent

when i was first with DH he told me his mum had never liked his exW, and that she had said she "wasn't good enough for him" Hmm ...and she is the same with DH's dbro, his girlfriend is always getting a slating. so i am sure she does the same about me.

and she always makes spiky comments to me, that DH is too blinded by adoration for her so doesn't notice. and when we are at her house, if DH leaves the room she goes completely silent. and makes me really uncomfortable. its clear she doesn't like me. i am not an insecure person but i now ask DH to please not leave the room when were are at their house.

i know its HER problem not mine - i know i am MORE THAN good enough for DH, or any man, but it still pisses me off. does anyone else have this? how do you deal with it?

OP posts:
maillotjaune · 15/12/2012 13:06

My MIL was unpleasant to me for a long time. She didn't think I was good enough for her din, which always struck me as bizarre as she's not very nice to him either.

The difference between my situation and mine was the way my DH reacted to it - he was clear from the start that he had chosen to marry me and her views were not relevant.

You said you've asked your DH not to leave the room when you're there - which is surely unavoidable on occasion - but have you spoken to him about how you feel when his mother ignores you? It's not on, and he should be supporting you.

Molepomandmistletoe · 15/12/2012 15:13

Between her, DH and your "Friend" on that other thread, it's no bloody wonder you have no self esteem.

Ignore MIL as much as you can, try to rise above it. Ditch the Friend, and tell DH how they all make you feel.

If you don't do something about this soon you will continue in this never ending downwards spiral and you wont recognise yourself...not in a good way.

OscarPistoriusBitontheside · 15/12/2012 15:21

My mil is a bloody cow too, I'm not good enough for her baby boy. (Her words). Obviously she has cause for
complaint since she buggered off when he was 4!

Your DH needs to back you up and speak to her abut her behaviour towards you.

I apologise for projecting my problems into you.

SoleSource · 15/12/2012 15:41

Don't go. Don't bother. Fuck her and her stinking attitude

Wish I had taken my own advice my partbets Mother was vile.

EuphemiaInExcelsis · 15/12/2012 15:55

My MIL is a cow ... to DH! She's reasonable with me, but I've lost all respect owing to the way she treats DH.

Bobyan · 15/12/2012 17:58

Don't bother seeing her, its not compulsory...

MyLittleAprilSunshine · 15/12/2012 19:14

My partners parents don't seem to like me much. At first it really, really upsets me but now I thjink :o I just can't do anything right so I will just me and if they don't like it well it's their shit to deal with.

LunaticFringe · 15/12/2012 19:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pantofino · 15/12/2012 20:00

People are so odd. My first MIL was like this - you had to make an appointment to visit and she was most odd. And when we split up she was most quick to point out much she hated me.

Then I lived with a DP for about 7 years. His parents were lovely - but kept on and on about my job - I was doing well and studying for further qualifications - dp was a plumber. If i worked a minute over my contractual hours I was mad and stupid, and the company would suck the life out of me etc etc. It got to the point where dp was questioning me that I had to work extra because we were rolling out a new IT application etc.

With current DH - I have met my MIL twice. It is working.

pigletmania · 15/12/2012 20:12

I would have as little to do with her as possible. Don't go on visits.

monsterchild · 15/12/2012 20:17

I second the book or something to do when she's quiet method. Let her sit, that's fine, not enough people know how to sit quietly these days. Or leave the room yourself, get something to drink, check out what the kids are doing, etc.

If you are feeling very ballsy, just sit and look at her with a small smile on your face, dreaming of a pleasant place. It will probably make her hate you, but it will give you something to do!

StickEmUp · 15/12/2012 20:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KenLeeeeeeeInnaSantaHat · 15/12/2012 20:26

I am very, very aware that MIL doesn't think I'm good enough for her PFB, but over the years we've reached an understanding and she's come to terms with the fact that DH is happy and that's what matters. I still feel woefully inadequate next to my SIL & BIL (and their spouses!) who all have Good Careers and Letters After Their Names, but we all get along well enough.

I dealt with it by being nice as pie to her so she had as little as possible to substantiate any claims that I didn't measure up. I reserved all my venom for rants to my mum over the phone when I got home! There's nothing quite so satisfying as highlighting just how hugely unreasonable someone else is being while you sit polishing your halo.

Original poster
MoomieAndFreddie · 17/12/2012 13:57

glad its not just me but sad there is so much of it about :(

i hope when i am a MIL i am a nice one!

OP posts:
maillotjaune · 17/12/2012 18:54

There are also lots of great MILs - there was a lovely appreciative thread in her a week or two ago that made me very Envy!

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