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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

no idea where to put this so...

33 replies

peanutMD · 15/12/2012 11:02

lovely friend has just given birth to her 1st baby and the rest of our group of friends are rallying out and buying clothes and soft toy type gifts which are pointless in my opinion as she has spent a fortune on these things already.

I had mentioned that I was going to give her a jar of Starbucks coffee (her favourite and she has resisted since being PG) and a voucher to create a photo book if you can get such a thing.

But apparently this is a boring useless gift, would you say so?

My thinking is that when I had DS my one regret is taking photos, with my digital camera or phone and differing to get then on paper then inevitably phones get broken and precious photos get lost :( so I would appreciate being able to build a nice album over time at my own pace.

OP posts:
dippywhentired · 15/12/2012 11:06

I think that's a lovely idea, definitely not boring or useless!

Gypsiestar · 15/12/2012 11:08

It's always nice to get something for mum herself!

RosinaCopper · 15/12/2012 11:12

Hi peanutMD, you sound like a very thoughtful friend to me! If your friend is bf the coffee might be put to one side until she feels like drinking it again, but very kind to get her favourite brand. The same with the photo book - I also regret not taking more pictures of my twins when they were tiny, but a friend of mine gave me a voucher for having their hand and footprints done in clay as a present when they were born, which I did when they were 5 weeks old (we are lucky that we have a paint a pot type place in our village). I love looking at it and remembering just how little they were.

samithesausage · 15/12/2012 11:15

Who is saying it's a boring gift? Is it your friend or the circle of friends? All those suggestions are brilliant ideas as are a nice selection of quality freezer ready meals (cos you never have time to cook with a newborn) and a stash of nappies (because you always use them)!
I hate the present police me!

3b1g · 15/12/2012 11:18

Those sound like perfect presents to me.

Original poster
peanutMD · 15/12/2012 11:25

Thanks everyone :)

I realise this is a rather dull post but I am 28 Weeks PG and brain is in worrying over-drive ATM for some reason :)

other (lovely) friends suggested a shopping trip today which I had to decline as I'm awaiting physio for SPD and anything other than necessary walking is just out of the question for me and when I said what I was thinking of getting I got a bit of a Hmm look and asked if I thought it would actually get used which made me think it was awful.

I just remember being swamped with baby things and feeling like I didn't matter, I did have depression though so realise this isn't the norm for most.

OP posts:
BigShinyBaubles · 15/12/2012 11:28

I think its a lovely idea.

DontmindifIdo · 15/12/2012 11:37

I tend to buy for 6-9 months as you get a lot of 0-3 months and then some 3-6 months gifts, but then suddenly at 6 months you have to buy it yourself and the clothes (in our house anyway) massively dropped quality when it was my money buying it! Stuff for her is a nice idea, but nothing that means she has to do hassle - I often think the vouchers for things while nice, assume you're up to doing it and you can feel like a bit of a failure if you dont get those hand prints done or those photograph sessions booked etc. For some new mums, it's all about survival.

WorraLorraTurkey · 15/12/2012 11:41

I think it's a lovely gift

But why do you care what anyone else thinks of it? Confused

BirdyTweetTweet · 15/12/2012 11:42

Sounds lovely. The only drawback with coffee is that she might still be avoiding it if she is breastfeeding and I would be a bit Hmm to get a present I would love but couldn't use!

DameFannyGallopsBEHINDyou · 15/12/2012 11:48

As another coffee drinker it sounds fab, and your friends sound unimaginative.you could always get some decaf as well?

Original poster
peanutMD · 15/12/2012 11:49

Never thought of no coffee when BF Blush

May discard that idea then although as she only had her DS at 11pm yesterday haven't had much if a chance to speak and see how she is feeding him as was undecided before due to negativity from her family.

I thought a photobook voucher would be valid for a year or so.

OP posts:
PurplePidjChickIsNotTheMessiah · 15/12/2012 11:52

Find out how big the baby is before buying clothes - ds was 6lb3oz and at nearly 4 weeks still in Tiny and NB sizes. All the beautiful 0-3 presents swamp him, and the present I'm getting most use out of is a NB size fleece snow suit! Hand knitted cardigans have also been useful, patterns reflect his actual sizw far better than shop clothes.

Coffee would be fab, although she may still be steering clear of caffeine due to breast feeding (depends on her, and stuff like that has a long sell by). Can you get decaff?

She may not have time to organise photos into an album so you might want to combine that with an offer to babysit/help her with it, to be redeemed in the future.

Ds has had so many presents, and I'm definitely feeling a little neglected (was my birthday 4 days before he was born; dp got me some chocolates, mum got me nursing bras, everyone else forgot!) Vouchers for somewhere to get nursing tops would have been very welcome - h+m, mamas + papas, mothercare etc.

You're right, though, she'll have baby clothes coming out of her ears - most of which will be impractical outfits that are more hassle to put on than their cuteness is worth! Xmas Grin

peaceandlovebunny · 15/12/2012 11:54

yours is a brilliant idea!

PurplePidjChickIsNotTheMessiah · 15/12/2012 11:54

To reduce the faff, how about a lovely album and a voucher for printing? A physical album will never go out of date even if she doesn't use the one for printing iyswim?

Original poster
peanutMD · 15/12/2012 12:04

Purple congratulations and happy birthday :o

I like the idea of a print voucher and photo album, think I will look into that. Thanks :)

I hate coffee so can anyone tell me if de-caff is the same as normal or is it rank?

OP posts:
FushiaFernica · 15/12/2012 12:10

Your ideas are great. I'd just get her the favourite coffee, wouldn't bother getting it decaff (supposed to be full of nasty stuff anyway), she can always have it as an occasional treat. I remember loving coffee and chocolate after my dd was born after being totally off them whilst pregnant. Lovely idea of voucher for printing photographs.

Alisvolatpropiis · 15/12/2012 12:10

That's a nice idea! Not useless at all.

I remember when my friend had a baby a few years ago I got her a present for herself,pampering stuff as well as a baby outfit. She cried she was so touched because I was the only one to have bought her anything.

New babies are lovely,wonderful things but I think sometimes the mums can feel like they've been forgotten in the weeks immediately after birth.

Meglet · 15/12/2012 12:15

Coffee and a photo album are far better gifts than more clothes and soft toys.

We had so many outfits that were just worn once by DC1. Such a waste of money.

MummytoMog · 15/12/2012 12:18

I drank coffee wile I was pregnant and certainly while I was breastfeeding. Never seemed to make any difference to DCs ;) who certainly slept/sleep better than lots of babies whose mummies abstained...

MummytoMog · 15/12/2012 12:18

Although our best present was the pram blanket - got used constantly for the first year.

Glitterknickaz · 15/12/2012 12:22

I would have loved something like that, something there I'd enjoy plus being able to put together a baby photo book... Win win!

I adored DH for getting me a baguette with extremely ripe Brie and bacon after all of mine Smile

aufaniae · 15/12/2012 12:25

I think your gift is very thoughtful :)

Can you tentatively find out if she plans to start coffee again? Even if BF and decides to limit her caffeine intake, she might be having the odd one or two. Much nicer if it's something she'll enjoy :)

ChristmasSpiritEndorphins · 15/12/2012 12:29

Yes, Purple has a great idea. Not sure what a photobook is, but a photo album is a really lovely idea.

nickelbabylyinginamanger · 15/12/2012 12:45

ah, see, Pidj, I had the opposite- she fitted NB for about a week and then was into 0-3.
we had loads that just never got worn.

having said that, the first week is the one where you really CBA to do a wash, and you've not got the hang of feeding and changing - there's a lot of bodily fluids everywhere
Xmas Grin

peanut - I like your present ideas. There are places that do photobooks that you order online (so you upload your photos) www.photobox.co.uk/shop/photo-books#p=Layflat