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Original poster

To be annoyed at being called fat by my dad!

35 replies

CharlieMumma · 14/12/2012 12:11

Have only been called fat twice int life once when I was 15 by my mums uncle and now today by my bloody father!! Iv got a sore back today think I slept funny and am feeling bit under weather. Am sat on sofa with my ds and simply said 'oh my back is sore today don't know what to do about it' he poked my stomach and said well u need to get rid of that lump in the front. Hmm My ds is 22 months and this year Iv lost a stone and a half. I'm a size 14-16 and was starting to feel I was getting there. Now I just feel shit and fat and upset!

OP posts:
concernedrose · 14/12/2012 21:58

to call someone fat is rude, insulting, unsympathetic and hurtful, as is poking someone in the tummy to highlight their weight. I would never do any of these with DD, neither would i constantly refer to her weight. BUT, as a parent, we have a responsibility to provide guidance, support, love and acceptance to our children. If they have a problem detrimental to their health, such as obesity, do we not have a responsibility to provide appropriate support, or do we ignore it as we dont want to risk hurting their feelings. With ref to a past post about remembering who will be choosing our nursing home in the future, the situation may be reversed. We are the first generation who may outlive their children due to the obesity crisis, we may actually be choosing their nursing homes, when they have health issues related to their obesity. I know this is controversal, and expect i will get critism. i have an excellent relationship with DD, and hope i havent hurt her feelings when i offered my support if she wanted help in loosing some weight . But if in 10 years time she gets weight related diabetes, and ends up loosing limbs, or kidney failure, or blindness, all of which are common in diabetes, i dont want to look back and wish i had not brushed it under the carpet for fear of hurting her feelings.

bumperella · 14/12/2012 23:17

My Dad does this ALL the time. even when pregnant (me, not him...!). I'm just under 6ft tall and a size 10.However, he is the one with the hang-up about weight - he is obsessed with BMI, tells me about the "M-o-o-o-orbidly OBESE" woman he saw in the supermarket/bank/whatever, pokes my 20mnth old DD and says "what a big fat tummy tum, just like Mummy" etc etc. He is an extreme case though!

I can see the point that parents should be there to support and help their offspring (of whatever age) but unless your now-adult child has SN then she will know that she is (medically) overweight, and pointing it out is not the same as offering support.

catwomanlikesmeatballs · 15/12/2012 02:26

A lot of back problems are caused by people having weak stomach muscles and having too much weight on their belly, sounds like he was just pointing that out in a tactless way. One comment is not worth getting upset about. If you weren't very unhappy about your size, his comment wouldn't have bothered you. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, help yourself by joining a gym, moving about a lot more and eating a moderate calorie, sugar free, lowish carb, protein rich diet.

AdoraJingleBells · 15/12/2012 03:24

YANBU, he was being insensitive, whichever way you look at it. My late father was similar, I reached the gargantuan size 12 during my teens and was called the "fat gutted cow" because my sister was skinny. Not surprisingly I have issues around food. I found the perfect answer, works for me anyway, 'what was that, Adonis?" or "sorry, Adonis, Aphrodite, didn't quite hear you"

Original poster
CharlieMumma · 15/12/2012 05:29

Thats the thing tho I'm already trying and do to gym watch my calories etc - yes have had a few less strict days now with all the Christmas parties and stuff goin on. Just don't see poking someone in the stomach is very helpful, back is fine now I just slept funny. Was so shocked he would say and do something so mean he's made comments several times but actually poking my stomach is a new one!

OP posts:
MummyPig24 · 15/12/2012 08:58

I feel for you op, my grandma is constantlt making comments about mine and my aunts weight. My aunt has been on a diet foe about 20 years and I'm sure it all stems from my grandma.

With my wedding coming it seems she has even more reason to comment. I'm a size 16, am aiming for a 12 and slowly losing weight but god she knows how to make me feel bad. "I would make you a wedding dress but as you aren't a standard size it would be too difficult." When I told her my dress was too big she made an incredulous "oof" noise as if nothing could be big enough for me. There have been remarks about my "thunder thighs".

Once my aunt sat down in a chair and gradma said "this chair isn't meant for heavyweights." And upon poking her tummy, asking "whats this?!" Argh she is just soooo rude!

CSIJanner · 15/12/2012 09:04

I was giving a lift to my DF three days before my wedding day when he prodded me whilst driving and told me that my mother (ie him) were concerned that my weight was now a problem. 3 days before my wedding day. And there was him, with the belt over stretched his big Santa belly. I parked up and told him bad timing on oth scores and if he wanted to make me crash the car, he was going the right way about it and to never mention this again. To be fair he hasn't, but at the wedding reception, he did tell my uber skinny appearance aware sister that he diet was like her school report cards - must try harder. She had a baby 6 months before. Shock

He's never dared to mention weight again....

theoriginalandbestrookie · 15/12/2012 09:08

Well done OP for losing weight since your DDs birth a stone and a half in a year is a really good amount and also by losing it quite slowly its less likely to come on again. You should be proud of yourself.

It hurts when those that are supposed to love us no matter what choose to comment on what they perceive to be our physical flaws.

Please just try to ignore him or you could try in a flat tone "Dad I have lost a stone and a half since January and am still losing weight. Please can you not comment on my size as I find it hurtful."
Although the adonis one is a good one.

I know a friend where their Dad weighed them every week when they were young and forced them to keep under a (very skinny) weight. I wouldn't say that she is anorexic but she certainly doesn't get much enjoyment out of food and has a weird diet.

NotGoodNotBad · 15/12/2012 18:08

My mum's attitude is, "Your family can tell you what your friends won't." Hmm Er, no thanks mum!

oldraver · 15/12/2012 20:03

MummyPig.. have you invited rude Gran to your wedding ?

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