to wonder why my mum is so adamant that my birthday will not be postponed?

[Alambil]

as I've said on here - my nan is dying, very slowly in hospital

She went in last weekend for a hip op after falling. She is severely affected by Dementia and did not come round from the op "normally" - they have her on the Liverpool care thing, but she's hanging in there.... Macmillan gave her 48 hours 3 days ago.... anyway, it looks like we're in for the long haul and are watching her slowly deteriorate - we don't even know if she's in pain :(

Anyway, I turn 30 in the first days of the new year. Mum rang me today to say she won't let my birthday slip by un-noticed by hook or crook.... she said this because she's been virtually living in hospital by Nan's side, incase...

I said I don't mind AT ALL (and I really don't) if it's postponed - I don't even know what I want to "do" for it. I have no friends to speak of and am not a party type person....

she got really annoyed with me for suggesting to postpone it until we're in a happier place.

I think that's weird.

Bless her she's all stressed and wanting to make sure everything gets done, and feeling guilty. Just leave it and maybe she'll let the day go with only a phone call and the promise of dinner on another night.

I think your mum is trying to focus on your birthday to stop herself getting sad about her mum. When my grandmother was ill, my mum went out and bought me a really expensive necklace and earrings for my 16th birthday. I think she felt i was being neglected. Incidentally, my mum ended up dying before her mum, and she ended up living on for another 3 years.

Your mums probably looking for some normalcy. I know that's what I try to do in situations like this. It's hard to explain but I see it S a small way of keeping control when things are folding around you. Don't be to hard on your mum. Really sorry to hear about your nan Xx

Really sorry to hear about your nan. Perhaps your mum just needs something to be normal (as it can be) in her life to get her through what must be a really hard time for her too?

I don't. She's your mum. She's trying to do the best by her mum, but also her best for you, her daughter. She loves you, she wants to try and make sure you have a nice birthday in spite of everything. It might not happen, but she's not weird for wanting to do that for you.

Does your mum feel guilty? Guilt cos her time is not with you, not celebrating a birthday but awaiting a death?
Because you might think you are a grown-up person. But to your mum, you are her baby and your birthday is a big day for her - she remembers it probably in great detail on when she first met you.
And not only is she not able to celebrate it in the manner she'd like, she's watching her own mother die.

Oh I think I am off to cry now.....

Perhaps.... it's just a bit annoying that she's taking her stress out on me a lot of the time (it isn't just this issue.... I haven't and won't say anything though, obviously)

No chance of it slipping by with a phone call though - she'll have DS whilst I'm at work so I'll have to see her and we'll do a little tea party thing (mostly for DS's benefit)

It sounds a little sad that you say 'I'll have to see her'. Obviously theres more going on than what you have said then.