To worry that other people don't like me

[Annewilkinson]

Just always paranoid that others don't like me much.

Just been out for drinks with some girls from my new job, just feel like they would rather be talking to someone else than me, I feel like people always try to cut conversations with me short and are sometimes a bit 'off' with me.

I think I'm a nice enough person, I make a conscious effort to be nice and to ask other people about themselves, not to talk about myself too much. I have a few interests and like to think I'm fairly interesting. I'm very thoughtful and the kind of person who always sends birthday, new home, get well etc cards.

I have a few friends but they are mainly ones I've had since school. I haven't made many new friends in adult life. I would never invite a new person out for drink with me as would always assume they would have better things to do with their time, although of someone asked me i'd go.

Does anyone else feel like this? I don't see any real reason why everyone should dislike me, I'm not a nasty person but just paranoid about this

I'm sure people do like you. I think often, especially in a new job, others sometimes forget what it's like to be 'new'. It is hard when you're new but I'm sure after a while you will have made some friends there.
You sound very kind and thoughtful.

Yes, same here. I get feelings like this on and off. I'm also very self-conscious with people I don't know well and trust.
It's painful and exhausting and you have my sympathy.

Oh OP, so many people feel a bit lonely and just love an invite or a bit of positive persuasion. How old are you? I think how you feel is normal - I felt a bit like that in my early 20s but don't any more. People can be funny buggers and usually don't mean much by it.

I think you might need to learn to love yourself a bit more. Once you are happy in your own skin you will stop worrying and the vibes will become more positive.

Without seeming rude, but do you have bad hygiene? BO? Bad teeth? Sometimes these things can put people off too.

If not, then try to build up some self esteem by taking up a hobby or something. When I feel I'm good at something I always feel confident and better about myself on a whole.

Does anyone else feel like this?

Yes, sometimes with justification, sometimes not. But the way you phrased it, about assuming other people have better things to do, made me feel really sad.

Do you think maybe people cut conversations short and are off with you is because they find you aloof or awkward? They may perceive your reluctance to ask people out for drinks as being unsociable or indicative of a superiority complex.

Definitely no bad hygiene. Am a bit OCD about showers and teeth cleaning!! And DP would tell me for sure if that was the case!

As in shower at least once a day, clean teeth 3x day morning, lunch and night and before going out! Visit dentist 2x per year too!

Google automatic negative thoughts and see whether this applies to you.

I used to think negatively about all sorts of things, friends merely tolerated me, colleagues judged everything I did, I annoyed my husband/family etc. I also started avoiding social situations although I used to be really confident/described as life and soul etc...

Not quite sure what the trigger was to all of this, could have been one of any number of things over last few years e.g high pressured job, got married, first child, illness in extended family.

Whenever I have any 'negative thoughts' these days, I try to analyse them a bit more and separate the fact from the opinion. Just looking at your post above, what evidence is there to support that your work colleagues were not enjoying your company? Someone may be trying to cut a conversation short for any number of reasons, probably none of which had anything to do with how they were finding your company.

You also say that all your friends are old friends from school - WELL DONE! I am not friends with anyone from my school days and often wonder whether I should have tried harder to send birthday cards etc...

You also say that you don't invite people out because you ASSUME that they will have better things to do. You are indeed making assumptions, an automatic negative thought. Think about a specific time you could have asked somebody out for a drink and try and see whether there is any hard factual evidence to back up your assumption that they would have preferred to be doing something else.

You sound like a genuinely thoughtful, nice sort of person I would quite happily have gone for a drink with if I'd been asked. I agree with wreathed above, learn to love yourself a bit more.

Sorry for epic response, but this is really important!

I feel like this all the time. Until my friend asked me to be her chief bridesmaid, I thought she was just being kind by spending time with me or inviting me to stuff. But it hasn't changed the assumption I have that people don't/won't like me. Even though I too think I am quite a nice, interesting person, I feel very socially awkward and like I've always said the wrong thing.

Exactly like you I feel that people would always have something better to do than speak to me so I don't tend to take the initiative and I'm always surprised if someone else does. In fact I'll sometimes cut a conversation short to 'spare' them which must come across quite rude or snobbish but I can't seem to help it.

The only exception is if I see someone who seems to be more shy than me or who seems left out, as I seem to be quite good at including people or putting them at their ease with my crap jokes so my tactic if I know I have to take the initiative is to tell myself the person I'm approaching is feeling more shy than me! It doesn't always work but as a new mum I am having to be a bit more brave. I'm also better with individuals than large groups so I avoid the latter or try to find one person I click with - maybe you are the same but work has forced you into this group situation?

Anyway you do sound nice but maybe you have come across as standoffish because of your worries? I know that people think I am very confident (haha). I don't know the answer but you have my sympathies as it is a fraught way to view the world and leaves you feeling very fragile.