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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get upset with what a child says

26 replies

anonymous1978 · 13/12/2012 21:28

My daughters friend has in the past made comments to my dd about me being short ( I am 5ft) the comments are quite rude tbh. Everytime this friend makes a comment, my dd who is 8 now, gets very upset. Today when I went to drop her of, this friend was giggling whilst looking at me. When my dd came home, she told me that this friend was laughing at my height, and that she was making fun of me at school, to the other girls, which really upset my dd. I'm not really upset about her laughing at me, because I know she is just a kid, but I am upset that my dd is upset. Should I have a word with the teacher or is this something they have no control over? or should I just tell my dd to ignore her.

OP posts:
Original poster
anonymous1978 · 13/12/2012 21:37

Anyone?

OP posts:
Ilovecrossfit · 13/12/2012 21:38

What about telling the child's mother befpre getting school involved.
This child doesnt sound nice, i know it is only a child BUT still talking about it to other children and laughing in front of you is just plain rude and he/she needs telling off.

My son is 5 and sometimes he makes a comment on other people's look but I always say " you mustnt laugh/comment...one day someone may laugh at you for wearing your glasses for example.everyone is different but we all have same feelings"...Im sure but the time he's 8 I wont have to repeat that.

IF i were you id talk to the parents straight away.

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 13/12/2012 21:42

When my pfb was about 6 or 7, a child in his class said I was fat. My pfb said "my mam might be fat but you're mean and spiteful, and my mam can diet"
Think of a retort for your DD - I know that one won't work, but there must be something, and tell her to say it. Kids are mean sometimes, and the more they know they upset your DD, the more they will say it :(
They get taught not to be mean etc and then they don't know what to do/say when someone is nasty and get all upset. If she has a retort, not only will she feel more in control of the situation, but this girl will probably give up, when she realises your DD a)is ready for her snide remarks and b) isn't upset by her meanness any more.
It's a shame someone so young feels the need to be mean about anyone, goodness knows what she hears at home to make her say it Confused - just pity her if you can

Original poster
anonymous1978 · 13/12/2012 21:43

The thing is, we were told at school if there are any problems, never talk to the parents but tell the teacher. This girl has made other comments to my dd regarding other peoples race once.

OP posts:
AnameIcouldnotthinkof · 13/12/2012 21:45

I have had the same problem [I am under 5ft].
I told the childs parents highlighting that it was upseting my DD rather than the actual comments.
It seems to have worked and I have told my DD that if it happens agaiin just to ignore the comments because I am happy and have people that love me so it doesn't matter to me, and she should tell the teacher if they are really bothering her.
So that it can be dealt with at the time

Original poster
anonymous1978 · 13/12/2012 21:45

Thanks guys, yes I have told my daughter to reply back, and stand up for herself, but she is extremely shy and naive, it's such a shame.

OP posts:
AnameIcouldnotthinkof · 13/12/2012 21:46

If you don't tell her parents I would mention it to the teacher.

Kalisi · 13/12/2012 21:48

I'd have a word with the school. If they choose to then speak to the Mother so be it but she wouldn't be my first point of contact.

AnameIcouldnotthinkof · 13/12/2012 21:49

My DD was shy too, I was also worried about the other girls telling off her and then she would get into trouble.

Original poster
anonymous1978 · 13/12/2012 22:00

I will have a word with the teacher tomorow, because it can get into a mess if I tell the parents, and tbh I think the teacher should be made aware of this.

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GingersarealwaysToms · 13/12/2012 22:16

Yep I think you should go to the school, as you said in your last post. You just don't know how the family will react if you tackle them. If she's so awful it makes you wonder how the parents can be reasonable.

TheFutureMrsB · 13/12/2012 22:17

A child in my sons class said to my son ' my mum could be a model but yours is too short ' to which my son said replied ' a model for what? Hands or something? Cos it wouldn't be for beauty '!

The shame! lol

peaceandlovebunny · 13/12/2012 22:26

definitely speak to the teacher or headteacher. this is bullying. your dd is being bullied and the 'nasty' child is also attempting to bully you by laughing at you. it needs dealing with right away or it will escalate.

Original poster
anonymous1978 · 14/12/2012 07:21

Thanks ladies, I will speak to the teacher today.

OP posts:
everlong · 14/12/2012 07:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cornycarrotshack · 14/12/2012 07:27

Hope you get it sorted - poor dd.

HairyGrotter · 14/12/2012 07:31

Aww bless your DD, yes, go speak with a teacher as it's directly affecting your DD.

My DD is 4, one of the girls at her school said "Your mum is big and scary" (I'm 5ft 8", not that bloody big Wink) and my DD just said "Yeah, good isn't it" However, she's a gobshite.

Definitely get chatting to the teacher, especially as your DD is feeling hurt by it. Poor poppet!

MrsHoarder · 14/12/2012 07:31

And check she wants to be "friends" with this girl. At that age I was so desperate to look like I had friends to my mum that I would spend all day with someone I knew was bullying me. She is allowed to walk away from old friends if they start getting nasty, in fact that's a very useful thing to learn about friendships and relationships.

baskingseals · 14/12/2012 07:33

anonymous - this isn't a witty comeback, but i have told dd that only unhappy people say horrible things. also that it is all about the person being spiteful, not the person they are being spiteful about. i think you are teaching your dd a valuable lesson by the way you are handling this situation.
dignity goes a long way imho.

ilovecross - absoloutely love what you have said about people being different, but we all have the same feelings - you are so right. will definitely be using that one.

hope you are feeling a bit better op.

jimmenycricket · 14/12/2012 07:41

I would tell the teacher and they can introduce it as part of their SEAL targets or something.

Although personally I'd go with 'yes my dear I am short and you are VERY RUDE and your parents ought to be ashamed they raised you that way' but then I'm not as nice as you. Wink

Original poster
anonymous1978 · 14/12/2012 07:42

mrshoarder that makes sense, my dd was friends with this girl, but drifted away from her quite a while ago. Earlier on in year 4, this girl made a comment to my dd saying " brown people are poo", it was after that I told my dd to stay away from her, and tbh I should have told the teacher back then about that comment.

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pigletmania · 14/12/2012 07:45

She sounds horrid, it does hurt whether coming from a child or adult. I would say something to the teacher, if the child says something in earshot of me I would have no hesitation in telling the child off. Encipirage your dd to distance herself from this girl and make other proper friends, this girl sounds nasty

GreatUncleEddie · 14/12/2012 07:49

Blimey I wouldn't even think of involving the parents or the teacher. I would talk to my own DD and work on her resilience. This won't be the last time someone says something to upset her.

Original poster
anonymous1978 · 14/12/2012 07:52

I am also telling my dd to stay away from her, she is a nasty piece of work. I just wish the teacher does something about it.

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GreatUncleEddie · 14/12/2012 08:20

Presumably there is a chance your DD will also grow up to be short. You need to work on her thinking that short is ok, whatever others may say.