to have a quick rant about my parents and constant put-downs dressed up as sympathy?!

[QuickRant]

Namechanged because it's possible SIL might be a MNer.

I'm applying for jobs and just at the end of my degree. My tutor has given me lots of advice but she says at the moment jobs are hard to get and lots of applicants will be further on than me in their careers and will have better CVs, so I need to keep applying and I need to keep working to make my CV better.

I generally try to keep things light and positive when I talk to my parents because I know they worry, but obviously they know I'm applying for jobs and so they ask about it. And it feels as if everything I say, they twist it to mean the worst case scenario. So my dad has just told me he thinks my tutor means I should stop applying for jobs because there is no point, and I'm under-qualified. It's not what she said at all! They do the same with everything - they'll say they're really pleased I'm not discouraged by something so-and-so said, when I have just told them something really complimentary that person said.

It drives me up the fucking wall. So ... go on, tell me I'm being precious about it and they mean well, or alternatively, share with me things your parents say that are 'damning with faint praise'.

My dad is prone to say things like this. He just doesn't think about the effect on the other person. For example, once when I was job hunting he said 'oh it always takes ages for you to get a job' which really annoyed me as I have never had more than a month between jobs in the 18 years I've been in the workplace! He also boasts about my achievements to my sister (and vice versa) but rarely thinks to praise us to our faces -- it led to a few awkward situations before we both realised.

He even asked for my CV when preparing his speech for my wedding and then made so many factual errors that at one stage I wondered if he was talking about the right daughter or indeed person! (he had had a few glasses of wine...) Oh yeah, and he likes to moan about maternity leave and how difficult it makes things for managers -- and was astounded when I took it personally when I became pregnant!

Another issue with some of the older generation I think is that because some dads did the same job for most of their careers and that was normal, and their wives didn't work, or not in professional roles, they just don't understand today's culture of short term contracts and the level of competition for some posts. Or how few jobs there are out there at the moment.

Tell them as few specific things as possible and practice your 'hmm, that's not how I see it, shall we see what's on telly?'

Good luck with the job hunt, too.

Just roll your eyes and ignore.
Keep applying and when you get hired do the happy dance and sing told ya so told ya so to your Dad.

Thank you.

phiney I think that must be exactly it. He doesn't understand that you might have lots of different jobs at all (he's currently really annoying my brother by insisting his new job will be a 'new career move' and a 'deciding moment for what you do for the rest of your life'. ).

CSS - yes, I know, I know. I should. It just helps to have a tiny rant about it too.

I hope I get to that happy dance stage.

Older men seem to become negative due to the encroaching 'grumpy old man' syndrome. My DH is always pessimistic about anything and everything. My sis calls her DH VOD, Voice of Doom, as he is the same. Your Mother seems to be going along with it.

The best way to treat it is to make a joke eg 'well, never mind Dad, with my figure I could always be a pole dancer' which puts them off repeating the negative comment.