Possibly unreasonable but a bit uncomfortable

[Mamateur]

Early next year we are taking DP's brother away overseas to a drug rehabilitation clinic. We will be on a plane for 11 hours. To travel he needs to have not taken drugs for about 36 hours. He has come off drugs (heroin) for this amount of time before so I'm pretty sure he can do it. DP wants him to come here to us to go withdraw which I know involves a lot of vomiting and sweating.

AIBU not to want this to happen in our house? We have DS who is 3 and DN lives with us, he's 14 (but has been around his uncle in this state before and is now very anti-drugs as a result). Of course he will promise not to bring drugs into the house, or needles etc. (important, as he has hepatitis and possibly more) but can I be sure? We live somewhere he could reasonably get drugs if he wanted to.

He could go to his mum's but she lives 3 hours away and anyway I don't really trust her to be in control of the situation, and then we would have to get him over to us to get to the airport etc. and I don't want to risk wasting his ticket, treatment etc.

I realise the plan is unconventional. It is combined with a proper plan at a rehab unit in London where he will have counselling and blockers etc. We are just outsourcing the first bit to Thailand. If we did this bit with the clinic we are using here it would cost thousands. For several reasons, it specifically appeals to D choice.

If he runs off, gets caught with drugs and ends up in the Bangkok Hilton, that will be that. I mean, as I said, earlier,he is a grown man. I have to say I am not emotionally involved here as we are not close at all. We want to help and we can afford it, so we're prepared to give him one shot. I don't think it's dangerous for us.

However, I am not an idiot, I am getting advice from people directly involved in these programmes here, so I will not ignore them. I started this thread yesterday because DP booked the flights so it has become more real. We had to defer our wedding till when we get back. We don't do too badly for holiday so there will be other times.

The insurance is a VERY good point. I will look into that today. Jabs no problem though, surely we just get them.

Tiny, that's great! This place has a good success rate, but wherever you go there are always a lot of fails.

sugar yes that's me! DN is now a thriving, happy, confident teen. Well, he has his moments, but he's doing well at school and has a really good circle of friends. DP's DM is not to be relied on, of course, but he has withdrawn at her house many times before, without problem. It's just that I don't want him here.

I'm now thinking of booking him in a unit where we live here, then picking him up on the way to the airport. Will look at costs. The thing is, this is a chance we're giving him, but the rest is entirely up to him, if he wants to mess it up then he knows what's at stake.

I am not ignoring advice. I'll be working on some options today and will update. Thanks.

Tenpercenter, thanks. I agree! I'm glad your sister recovered.

I hate to think people are worrying about me or us. We are all very seasoned travellers and know the area. We are travelling with DS so everything will be safe, we're not exactly roughing it either. I will though, let DP guide his db through the airport etc. while I look after DS.

I suppose some of you are concerned that his DB will bring drugs with him. I won't leave this to chance.

I think if you can booking him in a unit to detox before you go would be a really good idea. The more support he ha the better his chances are. I hope it works out for you all.

We've been talking about that this morning, Moomins. I obviously have doubts about how successful this can be, but as with all DP's family, it is hard to help people who are so convinced they are right about everything.

I'm feeling a bit less worried now because you seem to have accepted that, should the worst happen, he is on his own. Keep in mind that the Thai Police will know that you are all travelling together. I'm sure you've heard the horror stories, knowing the area.

I mentioned the travel jobs because your BIL may not think about it and you don't want him going to Thailand and getting the other hepatitis. Insureance is a worry.

FWIW, try to research (actually get BIL or DH to) housing after treatment. People have a massively higher success rate if they are in appropriate, supported housing after treatment.

Op I think you need to look into vaccinations asap if you're traveling in the new year. I'm no expert but think they have to be given x weeks in advance along with the malaria course. A friend of mine is currently in a coma with malaria and the outcome does'nt look good. Please don't take any chances.

Don't go anywhere if you haven't got insurance sorted. My BIL and his wife had a horrible time in Florida when they realised MIL hadn't declared her cancer to the insurance company: they were stuck with this sick woman who was suddenly completely paralysed and in pain and had no money to either bring her home early or pay for hospital treatment. I accept you are saying that he's on is own if he runs away or commits a crime- but what if he simply falls very ill and the insurance company refuse to cough up- could you shrug your shoulders and declare that he's on his own?

www.12steptreatmentcentres.com/Centres/Broadway_Lodge_44505.asp

ring them and have a chat, they also know about funding,and provide support for all the family.

please be careful. I have direct experience of someone who did something very similar - at least that was the plan, except he came here to the uk to do the detox. I think he'd been clean about 36 hours. It was a long flight for him too. The clinic said it wasn't usually dangerous to quit suddenly like that - not dangerous like it is for alcoholics for instance. He was dozing, waiting for the taxi at Heathrow, and then suddenly he wasn't dozing anymore. The paramedics arrived. then he went into cardiac arrest. That was 18 months ago. He has a profound brain injury now. A full recovery is not expected. He had quit before, like your BIL, with no problems. They don't know if it was the long long flight, plus the withdrawal, but they suspect it might have been. Please think again

I just wanted to add a bit about my bil, he's been an addict ( heroin and crack) for the best part of 20 years.

He is currently not welcome I'm our home as he came round once drugged up to the eye balls. Drugs have consumed the best part of his life so far. He has lost a lot through taking drugs

So far I think he's been in six rehab places, some outreach some residential in the last three years alone. This time he's been clean for about 6 months. It's only in the last 4 months that he has slightly become aware that others have feelings or emotions. Because the drugs are all consuming he really hasn't cared about anyone else.

He will say now that he wasn't ready previously to give up drugs because he couldn't, he used to blame the rehab programes but is now honest enough to say that actually he really enjoyed taking drugs particularly heroin and even through he told everyone he desperately wanted to give up, he didn't really and was just biding him time to get his next hit

I suppose my point is he's had so many fails to get where he is now, I really hope rehab works for your bil but in my experience they need a variety of support on their doorstep

Thanks for all the advice on this thread. We are going up to see his DB this week and talk to him about organising a controlled withdrawal. We have never suggested rehab to him, I don't think anyone else has either. This is the first and only time he has ever asked for help but my concern is that this answer is a bit of a Disney answer for him.

My biggest worry is his behaviour on the plane as he won't have his tenants or fags let alone anything stronger, but ultimately he will be on his own if he decides to make life difficult for himself. I won't be wringing my hands over him, and I'm also prepared to just stay home with DS if I'm not happy with the way things are planned.

I have no experience with addicts so have nothing to add on that front, but I have travelled a lot and there is something screaming out of all of this: travelling with an addict to Thailand.

You need to be absolutely certain that he has no access to your, or DS's bags at any time, or coat pockets etc.: there is a reason people entering treatment centres are searched. Never mind what he gets up to when he's there and you're honeymooning, you need to be sure to get on the honeymoon and that it's not you or DP in the Bangkok Hilton.

Please be very, very careful.

I would be having serious second thoughts about this. I think its quite dangerous for him to be in Thailand for all the reasons above (and its not "real" life could be escapism etc) and really if he's serious about wanting to stop you can go full speed ahead with all the UK NHS provision and working on a long term plan with rehab etc.

Wondering how you got on, Mamateur, is DP now DH? Were you able to enjoy your honeymoon? How's BIL?

Best wishes.

I have just come across this thread Mamateur. I do hope it is working out for all of you.

Thanks for checking in on me!

Well, actually, things have gone well. DP's brother was at our house for two nights before we left for our holiday. He had a pill to take to deal with the withdrawal (just one, nothing to take with him). I made him scrub himself pink and bought him nail clippers, razors and a new set of clothes. He was in a bad way on the flight but he stayed quiet and coped. He told me he was devastated he had wasted 13 years of his life and didn't intend to waste a single day more.

We took him to the monastery who were incredibly efficient and knowledgable about addiction.

We had a lovely holiday then picked him up two weeks later and he had one night in a five star hotel which he loved - before returning to his life in London. We talked to him a lot, but our expectations were low, since he was returning to his old scene.

Since then he has called us a lot. He is still clean (we know this) and about to start a TEFL. He has a very long way to go.

Thanks to all the poster who gave us great advice, M

Well done all of you - what great news.