DS & Football (long and maybe a bit boring)

[starfleet]

Apologies for the length of this rant beforehand as I may get a bit carried away!

So DS 12 plays for a local team - has been there since he was 7. Plays well and never misses training - in fact we can count on the fingers of one had how many training sessions he has missed over the past 5 seasons.

His position is goalkeeper and they also have another 'keeper who can - due to family commitments only play on the occasional Saturday - the team then took on another 'keeper and although he comes to training he misses quite a few sessions - he pays the same subs so obviously it's only fair he gets a decent amount of games during the season, so the way it works out is that DS and the new 'keeper play alternate sundays and they try and rotate saturdays so at the other 2 'keepers can get a game every couple of weeks which works out fine for DS as he plays with school most saturdays.

The new 'keeper came from another local team along with 4/5 other new players who only play with DS's team on a Sunday, 2 of the parents of the new players are coaches for the other team and since their boys have joined I've noticed a pattern emerging that DS is left out of playing any cup matches with the team and they include the new 'keeper every time - the 2 other parent's have made a couple of negative comment's about DS whilst i've been in earshot, I didn't say anything at the time (although now i wish i had) as i know things get a bit fraught on the sidelines - I'm trying not to be too 'my son is a brilliant player etc' but i know damn well that he is a good 'keeper and he works hard at it - the team haven't actually lost any games whilst he's been in the net, whereas they have with the new 'keeper. DS is confident and sharp whilst he's playing and they drop him every week there is a cup game for the new player.

DS hasn't played a Sunday game for 6 weeks - to be fair a couple have been called off due to the weather but for 4 weeks there have been cup games on Sundays and DS has been asked to play on a saturday even though his manager knows he plays for the school most saturday's. Am i being unreasonable in feeling angry and disappointed about this. I feel like the manager of the team is taking the piss and basically saying that DS isn't up to the grade and they will only play him when its a game that doesn't matter. I have already started looking for other clubs for DS to join but he's been with this club for so long and has built up good friendships with the other boys and also with him being a 'keeper rather than an outfield player it seems harder to get him onto another team.

So that's it - sorry it was so long and if you go bored reading it but i just needed to get it off my chest.

I feel for you, it is heartbreaking, I think more for you than for them. Are there other positions they are switching players with? Like a bigger team reshuffle? Can you or your DH/P have a word with the manager? My DS aged 10 went to footy training every week for three years and never got a look in, no reason ever discussed or given, really bad communication from the club. Eventually they started a 7 a side league/team and DS included and I could have wept tears of joy and he's loved it every since! Maybe you could look into the 7 a side thing? Is he pissed off about it? It is such a fine line between having the realisation that you can't play every game and feeling deliberately excluded and how you manage that as a parent. We managed DS's disappointment with trying to teach him the love of the game, being part of a bigger team, how even premiership teams switch about etc etc and keeping up and being part of a team now matter how often you play is just as important (however much that makes you as a parent totally seething!) As for the other parents, fuck them, so rude and unsupportive. Hope that helps, I feel your pain!

Unfortunately, these things happen. Ideally, you'd find another team, but I know from experience that your DS gets attached to a team, as they're a bunch of mates, after all. Take a lead from your DS, if he's happy, don't let your disappointment show. Perhaps a word with the manager. Ignore comments on the sidelines about your son. My DS is a goalie, and we always insist that any goals are errors in defence!

Is it possible that the current defence is made up of some of the new players, so they're interacting well with the keeper?

Thank you for your responses ^ - I will post again later as leaving desk for a meeting :)

Scholes - the newer players don't play in defence they are mainly upfront depending on the formation the manager plays them. So there isn't that much interaction between them and the goalie - DS has a good rapport with the others on the team and they have always been supportive. Caro - The team hasn't reshuffled apart from bringing the newer players in to play upfront. I will speak with the manager (there's just me no P) but at the moment I just feel too fed up with it .There is going to be a Christmas break so we shall see what happens in the New Year. I am upset on DS's behalf but he hasn't shown he's too bothered about it tbh - he just wants to play football. I'm hoping things improve but I'm not counting on it and it may be time to move somewhere he will be appreciated as a decent player and not be shunted aside every week.

Maybe they are not playing him in the cup games brcausethey know he is a food keeper and they still have some sort of affiliation with other team?

Unfortunately, some football coaches behave like Alex Ferguson and sign up all the best players in the league and keep a lot of them on the bench most of the time - I speak from experience. Disappointing for you, but if your DS is happy for the moment, don't wade in just yet.

Scholes I know what you're saying is right but it still makes me so fed up - and not just for DS but for any other boys or girls who go through the same thing. I will bite my tongue for the time being and see how things play out after the break - I just needed somewhere to vent and MN fortunately is a great place to do it without sounding irrational as I probably would in RL. Off tangent a bit here but funnily enough Scholes a premier league player with a name not too different from yours has seen DS play and has said he does well and to remember that a goalie is only as good as what's in front of him!

starfleet When I'm watching DS (14) in goal and his team concedes - it's always a defensive error. When we watch football on TV, it's always a goalkeeping error. DS gets a much better game when they're the weaker side!

I wouldn't stress too much about this. I have coached a kids football team all the way from U5 to U15 where my team are now. Whilst I have tried all along to be inclusive, it is impossible to make every parent happy with your selections all of the time. But your role as a coach is not to please parents, but to improve the kids that you have in your squad.
As the years have gone on the amount of parental input and comment on decisions has gone right down. We now have a group of boys who all love football, accept that they won't play all of the time but enjoy the experience in any case. All of the parental angst that was spent in years past worrying about who played when and where now seems incredibly silly. Lots of kids have dropped out along the way and many new ones have joined. In the next couple of years a lot of kids will drop out of your sons group as they find their independence and other interests. If your son is still enjoying it at his team, I would say suck it up and stick with it, not every season will be like this one. If he is not but he still wants to play then perhaps move to another team.