to have no idea how I am meant to work with this person when they refuse to speak to me.

[DreamingOfTheMaldives]

Sorry for the long post but please bear with me.

I am self employed and work for a firm on a project. There is another person, who also works on the project albeit in a different capacity. She is friendly with the boss. A couple of weeks ago we had a disagreement about the project and when I queried something by email, part of the disagreement, the other person didn't respond other than to say they would speak to the person for whom we work.

I pondered whether I should therefore speak to the boss to explain the position, as I didn't want it to appear that I hadn't kept him up to date with any issues, if the other person spoke to him. I didn't know what to do as I didn't want to look like I was going running to him to get my story in first but also didn't want to keep him in the dark about it. I therefore contacted him by email setting out the position, but trying not to be too critical. I was in effect told to just get on with it; if we couldn't work together, I would be the loser. She really just isn't interested. I hadn't wanted the other person to be removed from the case, but simply for the boss to tell us both to get on with it, and that the other person should speak to me about the case as the one with conduct of it. I do not know whether the other person has been spoken to or not.

This person now refuses to speak to me - I have tried to ring her and my calls have been ignored; I have sent emails which have been ignored. I have queried something about the project and this has been ignored, other than a response that I should speak to the boss. I have spoken to the boss and the boss doesn't know the answer. I have emailed to suggest we meet for a coffee but have been ignored. I have done my best to smooth things over but to no avail.

I now have no idea what I should do - I don't want to speak to the boss about it as this may appear that we cannot work together and I risk being pulled from the project, and not being employed on other projects (as we also work together on these.) I can't afford to lose the work. I can't get this other person to speak to me. I could lodge a complaint at the offices of the other person but I really don't want to do this because it is so ridiculous as we have always got on well and this just escalates things and may well make our working relationship even more untenable. Part of me wonders whether this is what she hopes for knowing that I, rather than her, will be pulled from the project due to her friendship with the boss.

I range from being annoyed at the situation to finding the whole situation ridiculous. She is acting like a childish idiot - we had a disagreement about the project, which happens, and now she will not speak to me, despite the need for us to continue working together. I must sound like we are 5 years old saying "she will not speak to me!"

AIBU for wondering how on earth are we supposed to work on this project together when the person will not speak to me about the project. AIBU for not knowing how to resolve this.

Sorry dude, this sounds awful! I'm not sure what you can do- maybe start cc'ing the boss in on emails requesting information? If you can prove that you're being polite and professional and still not getting a response maybe the manager will have a "quiet word" with this toddler masquerading as an adult with a national insurance number.

Couldn't you pop into the office and speak to her directly?

Couple of suggestions:

1. Arrange a meeting she has to come to, involving others.
2. Make sure all emails are entirely neutral in tone and constructive and cc the boss into all of them (just to keep boss in the loop as to the progress of the project, of course).

Natasha - it's only a very small company so no HR dept. The boss is the only person I can speak to. She just doesn't want to know. This other person doesn't work for the company as such, she is self employed and is her own boss.

TheCraic cc'ing the boss might not be a bad idea - although I doubt the boss would even read the emails. She just really isn't interested in her work anymore and just wants everyone to get on with it - it's her company.

mynewpassion - she isn't office based unfortunately; only comes into office for meetings. A meeting I had arranged was cancelled by her office no doubt because she didn't want to speak to me for what on the face of it appear genuine reasons.

Praying for a lottery win so I can tell them both to stick it!

When she is ignoring emails do you pick them up again from your sent box and forward them to her asking if she has had any thoughts on the email below, ccing the boss in?

That way you can build a one sided email trail showing you are committed to communicating and moving the project forward.

Log any calls you made that were ignored and follow up the call on the same email from your sent box again sending it forward with "I tried to call but was told you were busy, I'd appreciate it if you could call me back today" again cc'ing the boss in.

Keep doing this until it prompts a reply from her or the boss, keep the emails professional and without criticism, don't use terms like "yet again" or "as you can see I am still waiting" etc.

Tough call, good luck.

Some good advice on here. If you aren't actually able to perform your contracted work because of her lack of responses, then you'll need to do more than email and call. How about booking a meeting for you, the boss and annoying colleague, so that you can discuss what work needs to be done and agree turnaround and response times etc?

If the boss is really this disinterested though, it's clearly time to look for other contracts, because no business can survive for long with such an owner.

You could message a meeting invite for an update meeting to make sure we are all working towards the same target and to confirm goals and timings.

Maybe call it an end of year meeting with a proposal to round up work completed so far on the projects and goals for the first quarter 2013?

Email cc (and bcc) is your friend, embrace copying your boss into every email that you send this other person - and sometimes have you boss in the "to" field rather than just cc'd in case they are the kind that never reads cc'd emails.
Unfortunately depending on the type of contract, and the status of the other person, there may be nothing the OP can do & this may well end up with contract termination through no fault of her own. I recently started a new contract and needed data from the team leaders, who were all very overworked AND part time - there was no animosity, they just didn't see my needs as a requirement for them. After nearly 2 weeks spoke to the boss & she did tell them to co-operate and I managed to get a very small amount of time with each, mostly phone calls or long drawn out email threads whereas face to face would have been quicker & much better. Another week went by and I still hadn't done the relevant bit of work completely, and my contract was terminated with a week's notice (paid gardening leave) as "it's not working out". I should point out that this WAS according to my contract, in my field you can be let go for no reason at all and the notice usually is anything from a week to a month.