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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not sure what to think about this?

17 replies

perrywinkle · 13/12/2012 10:48

I have a friend, lets call her B and she has/had a friend, lets call her T (I don't know her, never spoken to her. I have seen her once or twice when B has a hosted her son's parties).

So B has asked me what I think of this situation:

T has a daughter who turned 2 last week. T invited a group of her friends with kids to a restaurant for lunch. T also invited the same group of friends last year at her daughters first birthday party, where everyone paid for their own meals as well as their own kids. According to B, this is the first time she's ever been to a kids party where she's had to pay for her child's meal, I don't know how it all works as I don't have any children but she neither anyone said anything last year.

So this year, B decided to say something. She sent a message on the morning of the party (although she admits timing was wrong) to let T know what she thinks of it all. B has shown me the text, it was a very long one but very straight to the point and honest but maybe too honest and maybe even rude. The response from T was simply a short text to say it has been cancelled. Although, according to B's friends, the event did go ahead in the end.

B has asked me what I make of it all and I don't actually know so wise mumsnetters what do you all think? When your child is invited to a party, do you expect their meals to be paid for?

OP posts:
Pitufina · 13/12/2012 10:52

I've never had to pay for my children at a party. The whole point is that they have invited your child to join them to celebrate a birthday not "lets all get together for a meal"

Scholes34 · 13/12/2012 10:53

Depends on the format. Wouldn't expect to pay if it was a children's party. Would expect to pay if it was a mums' lunch out that happened to coincide with a birthday.

Wouldn't expect to have to deal with this by means of a text.

bradywasmyfavouritewiseman · 13/12/2012 10:54

When your child is invited to a party, do you expect their meals to be paid for

I don't see why that matters. 'A' should have either accepted or declined to go. Ot accept then, on the morning, text 'telling her what she thought'. Its 'T' Childs party and she can do what she chooses.
'A' was out of order. She was told it was cancelled to be polite. She was uninvited.

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman · 13/12/2012 10:57

I think going out for a meal to celebrate a 1 or 2 year old's birthday is more for the adults than the children. If B knew the score and didn't agree with it she could've just declined the invitation.

SugaricePlumFairy · 13/12/2012 10:58

I've not ever had to pay for a party meal my ds's ever went to, ever.

However, I'm amazed that B decided to send a snotty text to T because of that [just don't go if you feel strongly] and I'm not surprised B was cut out of the party.

What did B expect from T after that.

HairyGrotter · 13/12/2012 11:00

I've been out with friends who have had an informal 'birthday meal' for their kids, like Nando's, and we've all paid for our own food (and our kids). As it's informal, it's no problem or skin off my nose.

If she was throwing a proper party then I'd think it a bit odd that my child, under invitation, would have to buy her own meal.

bradywasmyfavouritewiseman · 13/12/2012 11:00

Don't know where I got 'A' from. I meant 'B'.

Original poster
perrywinkle · 13/12/2012 11:03

Thank you for your replies. As being B's friend, naturally I was ready to take her side but it just all sounds so petty and childish so I didn't say much on the matter. Your replies have given me some perspective, although its all over now so not much point in me saying anything now.

OP posts:
quanticovirginia · 13/12/2012 11:04

But if you invite everyone out for a meal it's for the benefit of the adults surely when the children are so young?? It's not really what i would regard as a child's party???

If I was invited in those circumstances and I would never expect the 'host' to pay for me and my child because I wouldn't actually see it as a children's party??? I would go because I wanted to get some time with Mum's because at one and two the children are too young to enjoy a meal at a restaurant? If you were all given invites to a soft play type of thing I would expect the child to be paid for but would still expect to pay for myself (coffees, cakes, etc) although I know a lot parties where a 'tab' has been set up behind the counter for the parents.

However if your friend had an issue with it all she could either have politely declined or if she really felt the need to say something (not sure why) actually discuss it fact to face not send a text.

Floralnomad · 13/12/2012 11:04

It wasn't really a party was it it was a group of mums having lunch on the birthday of one of the children , as such yes I would expect to pay . If your "friend" didn't like it she should have just said no , not sent a rude text. FWIW when my DS was doing his A levels he got invited to lots of birthday meals where you paid for yourself , when he had his 17th and I left the money to pay for the meals the attendees were shocked.

takataka · 13/12/2012 11:07

if you go to a childrens venue, then Ive never heard of people having to pay for their kids meal

but this sound like a proper restaurant?? Ive never heard of a kids party being held in a restaurant Confused or of adults staying to eat; i would expect to pay for my own meal in this circumstance. In fact I would expect to club together to pay for birthday child and mums meal too

but as brady says...what is 'normal' is irrelevant...that is what T was doing; B either accepts invitation or declines. Its not her business to try and alter any part of the arrangements. Really really odd that she should think it acceptable to challenge Ts arrangements. i would imagine that she is not only uninvited, but probably de-friended as well

takataka · 13/12/2012 11:09

oh sorry...2 year old...of course adults stay!!

EnjoyResponsibly · 13/12/2012 11:12

B had two choices: to go, or not go.

But B decided, it seems, to have a good old rant instead. So, she's been disinvited.

If I'd been T I'd have been a lot less polite in my response, and I bet T will lose a lot less sleep over the episode than B.

firawla · 13/12/2012 11:20

B is in the wrong here, she had been told upfront how the arrangements where going to work re. paying so either accept and go, or dont. texting rudely on the morning of the party is really rude and horrible

MissCellania · 13/12/2012 11:23

It's not a party, and its not for the children.It's adults having lunch and bringing babies. Your friend was horribly rude.

SoleSource · 13/12/2012 11:24

B is a petty person. Perhaps T cannot afford to pay and otbers enjoy her company/party and do not care about payment.

SoleSource · 13/12/2012 11:25

B may be jealous of something. Yuck. Nice friend Hmm

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